Team Badass
by Hulkishpower
Summary: The name, Team 7 is too boring for the flamboyant group of friends, Naruto/Sasuke/Sakura. Poor Kakashi, he's going crazy b/c of his crazy students. Not so vengeful Sasuke, not fangirly Sakura, not dumb Naruto, yes Uchiha Massacre. Full summary inside.
1. Prologue: The Beginning of Friendship

**Team Badass**

_A ninja legend._

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* * *

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Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me. It belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

UPDATED:10/3/10

Summary: Team 7 is too boring for the flamboyant group, Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura. So they go and make a name for themselves. Poor Kakashi. He's dragged in to the fray by his crazy students. His heart can only take so much stress. If only they had chosen a name that wasn't so...badass. Not so vengeful Sasuke, not fangirly Sakura, not dumb Naruto, yes Uchiha Massacre, no Itachi in Akatsuki. Naru/Sasu/Saku

The Uchiha Massacre will occur a bit earlier than in canon.

This will be a rather short, concise story that moves pretty fast. Or that is my intention anyway.

* * *

Five year old Sakura was crying. She was so sad, sad, sad...and her heart hurt so much she felt as if the pain wrapped around her from all sides. She sobbed uncontrollably as she watched her tears soak into the playground sand. Sitting on the curb, she hugged herself tight and tried to stem the tears, but failed.

Today was the day Sakura's mom died. She was now completely alone.

Her father had died long time ago before she was even born, in an accident during a trading trip. Their parents had been merchants, and well to do ones too, but after her father's death, her mother couldn't handle the business as well as she once could, and finally, died of sickness just in that past hour.

Sakura cried and cried, thinking of her mother's gray face as the tall, unfamiliar people took her away.

"NO!" She had screamed. "Stop! Don't take her away from me! Mommy! Mommy!" But those strange people just gave her a pitiful glance and shook their heads, and took mommy away.

The ground was sinking now, though she knew it was just a play of light through her tear filled eyes. Light refraction... she knew it all. But it didn't matter, because she really did feel like she was sinking into a pool of dispair. She wondered if she would ever come out.

"Are you okay?" A small voice, far away asked.

She jerked up. She wasn't aware that anyone other than her was in the playground. It was sunset and all the kids were gone.

But he wasn't.

From ten yards away, where the big tree stood, a little boy about her age peered out from behind its trunk, eyes and face shadowed from the shade. The most soulful, blue eyes shyly scanned her face, too meek to do anything other than peek from far away. Sakura blinked.

"Who are you?" She asked, feeling stupid now that she realized she had been bawling in front of an audience. "What do you want?" She forcefully wiped the tears from her face as she stood up.

"I don't want anything. I just asked if you were okay. You looked sad. You still do." The boy hid behind the tree again.

Sakura sniffled. "I don't know why you should care. I'm just a stranger to you."

The boy peeked out from behind again. "But people are supposed to help each other out right? I want to help you..."

"My mommy's dead." Sakura clenched her fists and they started to shake. Angrily she raged at the blonde boy. "What can you do? Bring her back?"

….

"My mommy's dead too."

Pause.

"I never knew any of my parents. Ever since I was born."

Sakura felt the anger drain away.

"I think you're lucky that you at least know what your mom looks like. I don't even have a single picture."

Sakura felt tears welling up again.

"...maybe...maybe we could be friends? We both understand each other."

She was outright sobbing again, much to her chagrin. But she couldn't stop. She really couldn't, no matter how hard she tried. All she could do was keep herself from running to that little boy and hugging him tight. Somehow the words he said broke a dam in her, and she realized how utterly, helplessly full of sadness they both were.

The boy carefully stepped out of the shade, and tread lightly across the sandbox, as if too afraid that he would make a dent in the smooth sand. Despite her wailing, Sakura felt her eyes widen at his gracefulness. He shyly reached her, and awkwardly patted her on the arm, then pulled away, almost as if he thought she would hit him.

But instead Sakura leaned forward and hugged him. "Thank you," she said.

The boy blinked. "For what?"

"For helping me realize that I'm not alone." Sakura sniffed and smiled. "My dad's dead too."

"Really?"

"Yeah. We're both orphans."

"You don't have any relatives?"

"Nope. You?"

"None."

"Well," Sakura let go of him and smiled, wiping away the last of her tears. "I'm Sakura. Haruno Sakura. You?"

"Uzumaki Naruto."

She smiled a brilliant smile. "Let's be friends, Naruto!"

"Sure!" Naruto couldn't believe his ears. He had a friend! For the first time in his life, he wasn't alone.

And neither was she.

* * *

Sasuke was staring out at the shimmering surface of his clan's lake. He was empty. The black hole in his chest was sucking every emotion away. He couldn't move a muscle. He wasn't even sure how he got to the lake in the first place. He couldn't seem to make his eyes produce tears for the dead. His family was all slaughtered and rotting in their tombs, but he couldn't even cry for their memory.

Why, why would Itachi do that? He was their beloved heir...his beloved brother. Something must have been up. Otherwise, why would he have been crying that night? Itachi would never kill mother and father. But still...why?

Absentmindedly he let a foot dangle off the ledge and into the water. What would it feel like, to be underneath the water? Would he drown? He probably would, if he didn't make an effort to swim.

Sasuke got up, and slid into the cold water. His muscles weren't working again, so he took a big breath before the water came up over his head. Under the surface, everything was calm, tranquil, and pretty. Unlike his own world where his home was splattered with the blood of his own brethren, all was peaceful here.

Hmm, maybe he should stay? This looked like a nice place to live.

Yeah, it really was a nice place to live. The downside is that he can't breathe, and that his lungs are starting to burn...

He should really start swimming, otherwise he'd really drown. But his muscles weren't working. And...oh yeah, he forgot. He can't swim.

A stream of bubbles issued from Sasuke's mouth as he slowly closed his eyes and floated deeper down into the lake.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

Naruto was feeling funny. He had been taking a walk, up the winding road that faced the Uchiha district to the left. It was under a hillside, and he loved walking up that road because it was high off the ground and let him see Konoha to all sides. It was a week into meeting Sakura, and he was feeling exceptionally happy because he finally had a friend, but a few days ago Sakura had cried and told him the Uchiha clan were wiped out. He didn't know anyone from the clan, but he felt obliged to spare them a few tears, so he did.

Now, he was sitting down on the street, watching the black haired boy sit on the ledge by himself then randomly jump into the lake. What was that guy doing? Taking a bath? He giggled inwardly at his own joke. But five minutes passed, and no black head broke the surface. He was getting worried.

What was it that Sakura had told him? How long does it take until you black out underwater...was it three minutes? That guy was under for...five? Six?

"Oh shit!"

Naruto bounded down the hill and leapt into the lake. Swimming deep, he searched for the spiky haired dude. Where was he? He couldn't have been taken by the current, this was a lake. So where...

There! Naruto spotted a flash of white in the corner of his eyes and dived. Grabbing the boy's high collar, he briefly touched down on the lake bottom, and jumped up with a huge burst of leg power. The momentum took them both all the way to the top, and he spluttered with relief as fresh air hit his lungs.

Pulling them both onto the ledge, Naruto slapped Sasuke's face, this way and that. "Hey, you alright? What's up? Hey dude, wake up..." Naruto ran a panicked hand through his hair. What was he supposed to do? Only if Sakura was here. She was really really smart. She always knew what to do. Maybe he had to do that kissy kissy thing he saw in a ninja's medical guide once, but eww! He couldn't do _that _to a guy!

But he would die if he just let him lie there with his lungs full of water...what was the best course of action...Aha!

Naruto straddled the boy with his legs, then packed his punch straight into the boy's stomach. The response was immediate. The boy, who had been unconscious, popped up, with eyes bugging out, and promptly threw up all the lake water onto Naruto's unlucky face.

Sasuke coughed and hacked as his body fought to get rid of the water and bring in oxygen at the same time. Man, that was painful! Who did that?  
"I did, idiot." An unfamiliar voice brought him to his surroundings. A disgruntled looking blonde haired, blue-eyed boy his age was sitting on top of him. Had he said that out loud?

"I—I'm not an idiot." Sasuke managed to get out, staring at Naruto rather idiotically. "What are you?"

"I'm Uzumaki Naruto! Friend of Sakura, and Savior of-" Naruto looked down expectantly. "Who are you again?"

"I'm Uchiha Sasuke!" Sasuke rasped indignantly. Goodness, couldn't he see the Uchiha crest? The blonde—Naruto—frowned.

"Uchiha?" Uzumaki put a hand on his chin and assumed his thinking mode. "Aren't they dead?"

Sasuke felt real anger burst from his chest. "I'm still here! And get off me!" With a great push he heaved the blonde boy off him...only to see that his push had launched Naruto off the ledge and into the water. How had he not known how light the boy was? He barely felt anything even when Naruto had been sitting on him. "Oh my god! Are you okay?" He frantically searched the rippling pool. Then a blonde head popped out.

"Hey! What was that for?" The boy grumbled as he pulled up onto the ledge again. "I'm Uzumaki Naruto, Friend of Sakura, and now Savior of Uchiha Sasuke! Be grateful!" He shook his head like a dog, and showered Sasuke with water.

Sasuke bit his lip. He wanted to yell back, but he suddenly found himself unable to respond. It was true; Naruto had saved him. If he hadn't, there really would have been no Uchiha left in Konoha. He felt like lashing out or ignoring the blonde, but his mother had taught him better than that. "Thank you," he mumbled.

"Hmm? What was that?" Naruto put a hand to his ear. "I can't hear you!"

"I said thank you!" Sasuke yelled. Then he blushed. "You can go now. I won't do that again. It was stupid."

"Yeah, it really was stupid." Naruto laughed. Sasuke's brow twitched. "You suicidal or what? Or you just waiting for someone to rescue you?"

"That's not true!" Sasuke rose to his defense. "I just forgot that..that I can't swim..." to his horror, his voice dwindled to an embarrassed whisper as he accidentally gave the crazy blondie more fuel.

Naruto doubled over in laughter. "Now that's _really _stupid!" he crowed. "Who jumps into a lake when they can't swim? Idiots like you of course!"

"Why you-" Sasuke had half a mind to punch the rudeness out of the little guy. He was shorter than him! And yet he was making fun of Sasuke, the last of the Uchiha! Never mind if he saved him or not!"

"Come on, I'll teach you how to swim."

"What?" Sasuke shook his head, wondering if he heard Naruto right.

Naruto sighed, exasperated and shaking his head slowly as if he was too ashamed of Sasuke's slowness. "Lake water get to your brain? I said come on, I'll teach you to swim."

Sasuke was speechless. Here was this boy, whom he had never seen before, offering to teach him, an Uchiha, how to swim. "What the heck?" He finally let out.

"Heck yourself. Come on!" Naruto grabbed Sasuke's hand and dashed off in direction of the road. "I have to introduce you to Sakura! She's a really great swimmer!"

"Hey let go-"

"Oh don't be stingy! Let's be friends! It's the least you can do after I saved you!"

"What?" Sasuke gaped. "You're asking me to be your friend?"

"Yeah, so what?" Naruto didn't cease his running as he cocked his head back.  
"Do you know I'm an Uchiha?"

"No duh," Sasuke practically felt the blonde roll his eyes. "As if that isn't obvious, Mr. Duck. Would you like to go back to your lake home?"

Shocked at how the boy was treating him, Sasuke shut his mouth and let Naruto pull him into a run. Naruto didn't dote on him and look at him pitifully like all the rest of the villagers did, and was very rude, but Sasuke sort of liked the new guy's attitude.

For the first time in days, he felt a smile coming onto his face.

* * *

Yes, readers, I am back. Unfortunately, I couldn't seem to cook up any decent chapter for my NMLNW fic, even though I wrote about half, and I didn't feel like updating Precious Ones just yet (sorry), so I decided to fuel my imagination (that has been dying out for some time due to lack of use) with a new story that I had thought up long time ago.

I was planning to finish my stories before I started this one, but I already had a sequel planned for one of my stories (not telling which one:)) and so I thought now would be a good time to upload a new story.

It's a nice change anyway. This time it's proper Ninja setting, no royalty, U.S crossing, or anything like that.

To be honest I do have a slight writer's block on my other fic, the really long one. I will update, but only after I write up a satisfactory chapter. I don't update pathetic stories just to satisfy my quota.

I know many of you are like, "Huh? How is this story humor? The first chapter's like, whoa, how sad!" but it will get funnier (is that a word?) as the story progresses. (hopefully).

I don't have much experience writing humor, so please give me a lot of critiques and suggestions. I already have a plot in mind but I can always change it according to my tastes and I can always incorporate some of the wonderful ideas you readers give me.

Please review, and let me know what you think about this story.

-Hulk


	2. Prologue: Times Move Fast

UPDATED: 10/10/10 (Oooooh~~)

AN: There will be lots of time skips in this chapter. Mainly because the real story starts much later.

* * *

"You gonna be a ninja?" Sakura asked Naruto, hopeful. The three of them, as usual, were sitting together underneath the trees in a section of the forbidden forest. It was forbidden, but that's what drew them to it. It was quiet, and nobody bothered them there. Approximately three months into meeting each other, the season had changed and the fall leaves were changing color. It was soon Naruto's turn to be five years old.

"Yup!" Naruto punched his hand in the air. "I'll be the best shinobi ever! Better than the Fourth Hokage, better than the Third! That way people will see how amazing I am! What about you two, Sasuke, Sakura?"

Sasuke nodded. "I think I'd like to be a ninja. My clan was a ninja clan after all. That way I can bring honor to myself and my clan, and to...and to find my brother, if possible." At his last remark Sasuke's dark eyes glinted with determination. Sakura looked happy. She clapped her hands together.

"Me too. I want to be a ninja too! Then, I'll be able to protect everyone I love, including you guys," she shyly stared at her hands. "I don't ever want to see someone important to me die, without me doing anything. I want to change that."

"Wow," Naruto breathed. "Maybe you want to be a medic-nin? You'd be good at that kind of stuff."

Sasuke grinned, swatting away a giant spider. "I agree with you. I don't ever want to be separated from you guys. You guys are my entire family." Sasuke turned slightly pink, but neither of his friends commented.

"Yesah!" Naruto cheered. "We're going to be the best ninja in history! The best group of ninja friends in the world!" And together the three friends cheered.

* * *

A year later, decked out in fresh, crisp clothes to commemorate their starting of the ninja academy, the three friends grinned at each other as they sat, side by side, all throughout the orientation. "This is so boring," Naruto whispered. "Doesn't it make you..make you wanna spice things up?" He grinned an evil grin and rubbed his hands together.

Sasuke smirked. A prank sounded perfect. He respected the Third, but seriously? Talking for an hour to six year olds? It was bound to get old soon.

Sakura looked a bit affronted, but after an extremely persuasive puppy eyes look from Naruto, she gave in. "Oh alright. What are we doing?"

"Come closer." Naruto motioned them together, only slightly huddled, so that no one would notice them plotting. "What do you have on you?"

"I have paper and ink. I brought them for school," Sakura whispered. "You?"

"I have notebooks, ink, pencils, erasers..." Sasuke ticked his fingers off. "...Scissors, some kunai, shuriken, and lunch."

"You sure are prepared," Naruto muttered. "Well, I have paintballs, superglue, paper, ink, feathers, hot sauce, rubber bands, smelly socks.."

"Wait, smelly socks and paintballs?" Sasuke furrowed his brow. "You came for the sole purpose of creating a big mess, didn't you?"

Naruto cackled. "Why else would I come to boring orientation? Life Lesson #1, orientations are always boring."

"Since when were you so wise?" Sakura laughed and patted Naruto on the back. "You're only five!"

"So what's the plan?" Sasuke impatiently nudged his two friends. "I hope we don't have to rip out pages from my notebook. They're all brand new."

"Nah, we have plenty of paper. At least I do," Naruto reached into his backpack and pulled out a sealing scroll. "I've been researching ways to carry lots of things at once! Isn't it cool? I'll teach you guys later. For now, we'll just need your ink. All of it."

Sasuke grumbled. There went his good ink. He pulled it out and handed it over. "Now what?"

"We combine our superglue, our feathers, our ink and paper, and with a little bit of ninjutsu, give this room a complete makeover!"

"Hmm," Sakura and Sasuke exchanged predatory glances. "Any ideas how to do this without any of the Jounin, or the Hokage for that matter, from noticing?"

"Simple," Naruto folded his hands in his lap, looking straight at the still speaking Hokage, the very image of an innocent bystander, giving no hint that he was actually plotting with his friends. "you two are going to make a distraction."

...

"OH DEAR HELP ME GOD! MY HAAAAAAAAAIIRR!" Ino shrieked. Her long blonde hair was now drenched in superglue and stuck fast to the chair. A few moments ago, Ino thought she had been feeling something cold sliding down her ponytail, but dismissed it as cold air conditioning. Until now, when she lifted a hand to run it through her hair, and come in contact with a sticky substance that refused to let her hand go, she did not realize what had been done to her head. So she had done the next best thing she could. She screamed.

"HEEEEEEEEEEEELP!" She opened her mouth wide and screeched in horror. Two rows away, Sakura and Sasuke high fived under the chairs. Naruto gave a discreet thumbs up as his other hand was busy working at a bundle of paper.

"Done yet?" Sasuke muttered quietly as he slid back into his seat. The many eyes in the stadium were now focused on Ino, and with the way how Ino's mother was also screaming in shock, no one was going to notice them anytime soon. The Hokage himself had paused in his speech to come take a look. Moments later, Sakura slid into her seat next to the Uchiha. "Hurry up!" She hissed. "Ino's a loudmouth and she's going to keep people occupied, but only for so long." Another high pitched scream ensued as Ino's mother futilely tried pulling her daughter's hair loose.

"I'm nearly ready," Naruto huffed, his hands a blur with brushes and pieces of paper. "Just need to get this seal array... Perfect!" He now held up a big bundle of squashed up paper, covered with tiny black words.

Sasuke was confused. "Sealing?" he asked. "Isn't that really advanced? How are you doing that?"

Naruto shrugged. "Picked it up from places. It's just really natural for me. I'll teach you all later. Remember what I said about storage scrolls? This is a variation of that. It's just set up to unseal everything all at once when the sensor picks up high level velocity."

"So we just have to throw it?" Sakura, the natural brain, took the wad of paper in her hands. Sasuke just shook his head in wonder. If he hadn't been hanging around Sakura so much, he wouldn't have understood half of what Naruto just said. Of course, that applied to Naruto too.

"Yeah. Since Sakura had the pleasure of doing Ino in, would you like to do the honors, Sasuke?" Naruto took the ball from Sakura and handed it to Sasuke.

Sasuke just blinked. Sure, he was guilty by associate, but to actually initiate the prank? What would his father think? His mother? His brother?

Then he realized, with a darker emotion than he ever thought capable of possessing, that he didn't care what they thought. He would live his life the way he wants to live it. With his friends.

With a great burst of strength, Sasuke threw the ball high up in the air just as another drawn out scream from Ino ground the air. He could see it in slow motion, the wad pirouetting, turning, until the black words started to glow bright silver and he felt a hand at the scruff of his neck.

"Get down Sasuke!"

It was Naruto. The three of them ducked beneath the chairs just as the ball released spurts of ink and paintballs and droplets of superglue in all directions. When all of them finally looked up, the world was a burst of color.

Sarutobi, the Third Hokage, and each of his Anbu who had burst out from their hiding places at the commotion, was dotted in polka dot rainbow colors. The old man looked half amused, half angry. How had he not noticed this? On instinct his gaze immediately trailed over to Naruto, the resident prankster, and found him clean. Ha, he'd thought so. Wait. Was that Sasuke and Sakura there too?

The entire room was in uproar. The shinobi were flitting in and out, trying to find the source of the prank. The Anbu had their swords out, trying to protect the Hokage from more paintballs. They didn't seem to realize the pattern paint and ink made together on their masks. Civilian parents screamed and hollered if this was the way of the shinobi. Many carted their children out of the stadium and back home. The once full stadium filled with hundreds of aspiring ninja students dropped to a mere thirty. Well, at least now they wouldn't have to weed the weak out of the group. The ninja families looked less upset, but clearly unhappy. Ino and her mother continued to scream. Inoichi looked positively unsure what to do. Ibiki's eyes narrowed now that his favorite headband bandana was freshly tye-dyed.

Sarutobi got up from his seat, but the snickers aimed at him told him something was off, and looking behind him, he found that his seat was stuck fast to his butt.

Naruto, taking advantage of the situation, quickly shoved his empty sealing scroll into a nearby unsuspecting Jounin's pouch. There. Evidence gone. Who'd think a five year old would be capable of making storage scrolls? No one would be able to trace back to him. Then, as he dusted his hands and stood back to admire his handiwork, he saw the Hokage glaring at him.

Shoot.

...

Next moment, all three of them were inside the Hokage's office.

Sarutobi, too distressed to even light his pipe, massaged his temples with his fingers. "Pray tell, what possessed you to mess up today's orientation? Do you wish to be expelled from the Academy before you even enter?"

Sakura peered at him with innocent green eyes. "What do you mean by that sir? We didn't do anything. I don't understand what you're accusing us of."

Sasuke stared blankly at the aged leader. "Hokage-sama, I am the last of the Uchiha. Surely you don't think I'd desecrate my ancestors' names with pathetic tricks..."

"Old man! We didn't do anything I swear! Gimme proof that we're the ones behind it! HA, got you there!" Naruto bellowed with laughter.  
Sarutobi smiled. "First, compared with the rest of the people back in the stadium, including myself and my esteemed shinobi, why is it that you three are completely free of stains?"

To his pleasure, the three miscreants' faces went pale. Naruto cursed under his breath and muttered something like, "crap, I overlooked that," but instantly took on an expression of the most incredulity. "Old man," he gasped. "Just because your shinobi happens to be more incompetent than a group of five-six year olds, you can't blame us! Is it our fault that Sakura happened to be staring at the ceiling during that time and notified us right before the assault?"

Sarutobi narrowed his eyes. "Where did you learn to speak like that?" What a shock. Naruto was usually lacking in the vocabulary area. It came with living alone without any parents, but for a five year old? That was impressive.

"Sakura-chan taught me!" Sakura blushed cutely.

Sarutobi was very impressed. "You must be very smart Sakura. Good for you."

"Thank you sir." Sakura's green eyes shone with light. Behind her, Sasuke and Naruto crossed their fingers and hoped to veneer off topic. However, just then a ninja came in, carrying a large wad of paper.

"Hokage-sama, this is the ball." He handed the thing to the leader, giving the kids a pointed glare. The aged leader took it into his hands, examining the remnants of the seal array. He frowned.

"This can't be right. The seals are too advanced for any average ninja to create, let alone a bunch of five year olds."

"That's right!" Naruto shouted. "You have no evidence. Plus, how did we carry all that stuff with us to school anyway? It's not like we were hauling carts of paintballs you know!"

"Did any of the Jounin see us in the act?" Sasuke pinned the older ninja with his own Uchiha glare. "If not, I don't see why you're glaring us like we're the culprits, we didn't do anything at all."

Sakura sniffled with fake tears. "Hokage-sama, are we in trouble? We really didn't do anything, honest!"

The three of them assumed a facade of the utmost innocence. Unfazed, the ninja hatefully glared at Naruto and turned to the Hokage. "Hokage-sama, it has to be him! Maybe not Uchiha and Haruno, they're good kids, but it has to be this de-"

"Shut your mouth, Hiroto," Sarutobi cut him off sharply. "Unless you wish to go to the Interrogation Unit?"

The man turned red. "..No sir."

"Then you will stay silent. As they've rightfully said, we have no proof, nor eyewitnesses of this account. You three may go."

"But sir!"

"Enough. Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, you three may go. Though this is simply because we do not have any evidence, nothing else. On my part, I still strongly suspect the three of you as instigators of the prank, but I will not punish you on mere speculation. Next time this happens, you will again be my prime suspects. Understood?"

The trio nodded fervently. Then, as they stood up, they grinned at each other before turning to the leader. "If it makes your job any easier Hokage-sama, the superglue we bought comes off easily with alcohol."

Then they were gone.

Sarutobi cursed.

* * *

In the next six years, the good friends did everything together. They went home together, they went to school together, they trained together, they did pranks together, they studied together. On Naruto's birthday they all hid in their secret cache in the forbidden forest, and congratulated him far from the angry voices of the mindless civilians. They shopped together, and ate together.

People wondered just where the three disappeared to after school. No one saw them anymore. Only their friends at the Academy saw them during class.

"Hey, Naruto, wanna come to my house for dinner today? My mom's inviting you for some dumplings she made yesterday." Shikamaru stretched languidly, his baggy shirt pulling up with his shoulders. "Chouji and Kiba are going to be there too."

Naruto grinned. He wanted to go, but not by himself. "Sorry, Shika. Thanks though."

But, Shikamaru wasn't your average twelve year old. He was a member of the genius Nara clan, no matter how lazy they were. "I invited Sakura and Sasuke too, just so you know."

Naruto blinked. "You did?"

"Yeah. Change your mind?"

"Sure! I'll be there!"

"It's at six, sharp. You know my mom. She's a naggy woman, so don't be late."

"No worries!" Naruto happily grinned. Mrs. Yoshino was a great cook, and Shikamaru's parents were one of those very kind people who liked him for who he was. He enjoyed their company. It was great that Shikamaru invited his best friends over too.

"Naruto! Hurry up!" From across the classroom, Sakura and Sasuke stood, waiting. They were both dressed in simple t-shirts and shorts, with their bags slung across their shoulder. Sasuke had a kunai in his hand, twirling it in the air and catching it with easy grace. "Sasuke wants to go target practicing!"

"I'm coming!" Naruto shouted and lunged for his bag. Also dressed in a sensible t-shirt and shorts, he ran down the stairs of the classroom desks and made his way over to his friends. "You guys going to Shikamaru's?"

"Yeah. He said he would ask you two too, so, I said yes." Sasuke threw his kunai into the air. "Today's my turn to pick what to do right? I say we do target practice for an hour, then do some ninjutsu practice. I want to improve my fire technique."

"And you have to improve your bunshin no jutsu, Naruto," Sakura chatised. "Otherwise you might not pass the graduation exam, and that's only in two months!"

"I got it, got it. You two are like old ladies. Always haggling over me," Naruto complained. "If I can't do a bunshin technique all I have to do is a variation of the technique. Or something."

"Or something," Sakura admonished. "See, you don't even have a plan. We wouldn't be so worried if you didn't keep flunking the tests! Why do you insist on sleeping during exams?"

"And you always mess up on the transformation tests. Do you need more attention? Are we not giving you enough?" Sasuke balefully flipped his kunai from the air and pointed it at Naruto accusingly. "Need a hug?"

"Get that out of my face, Sasuke. And no, I don't need a hug." Naruto huffed. Can't they see that he's just making a joke? This academy style curriculum was a total farce, in his opinion. And they always say a ninja's greatest tool is deception, right? What's wrong with having fun and fooling others at the same time? It's killing two birds with one stone.

"Well come on. We have a dinner to go to at six. We don't want to waste time blocking the doorway." Sakura grabbed the boys' hands and dragged them away. Once in their old sanctuary of the forbidden forest, now set up with targets and dummies over the years, they each put their packs down into the tree house set up in the tangled knot of trunks. It was a very cool place that had taken them a good part of six years to build. Other than enforcing it from dangerous animals and insects, the friends had to waterproof the planks, make sure the rope wasn't fraying, and to stabilize the foundations.

Naruto, with his strange arsenal of seals that he developed out of nowhere, made a security system that set chakra guards and locks all around the tree house. Sasuke and Sakura, after years together with Naruto, learned enough to set up seal perimeters around their grounds. They even kept food there, sealed into a compartment of the wall. It kept the food fresh and unspoilt. Water, blankets, pillows, extra clothes, weapons, everything was there, and only accessible by one of the three of them. Occasionally they didn't even bother returning to their homes at all at night. Each of them felt safer together with their friends, not alone at home.

Sakura took out a kunai. "Don't you guys think how cool it would be if we made a name for ourselves in our Genin days? Something like the Legendary Sannin." She let the kunai fly, and it thunked soundly onto the bullseye.

Sasuke snorted. "Legendary Sannin? That's too boring. It's so generic. Legendary Three Ninja. Can't you state the obvious any more obtusely?" He let his own kunai fly. It hit the spot right next to Sakura's.

"To be honest, all the monikers are kind of stupid," Naruto commented as he took out his own knives and threw them at the targets. All five hit the targets. "I mean, the Professor? Who wants to be called that? It's basically calling you a bookworm who sees his body as a mode of transportation for their heads. And the Yellow Flash? God, I admire that man, I really do, but dude, it's totally racist. And Flash? Do you know what that sounds like?" His voice dropped to a whisper.

"Like what?" Sakura asked, confused. Sasuke slapped his palm to his face.

"Idiot," he muttered. "Don't disgrace the dead like that, Naruto."

"Hey, I'm not!" Naruto protested. "It's true! Yellow Flash is like saying Blonde Flasher!"

Sakura blinked once. Then twice. Then she screeched a scream that sent birds flying. "YOU IDIOT!" She slammed her fist into Naruto's face, sending him flying out of the treehouse and into the neighboring trees. "HOW ARE YOU EVER GOING TO BE HOKAGE IF YOU DESCECRATE THE MEMORIES OF THOSE WHO CAME BEFORE YOU!" She panted, powered with adrenaline and righteous anger. "At this rate, I'll be Hokage before you ever come close to wearing the hat!"

"What?" Naruto climbed out of the rubble. "You're kidding! I'll be the next Hokage!"

"Hmph. As if, I'll be Hokage before all of you," Sasuke smirked. He loved riling his friends up.

"What did you say?" Naruto growled. "I'll kill you!"

"Both of you shut up!" Sakura punched Sasuke off the treehouse. He too, crashed into the trees. "I swear I'm going to beat some sense into you two!"

Sasuke groaned from his pile of bark. "I wanted to do target practice...this is all your fault Naruto."

"Don't blame me!" Naruto nervously looked to and fro from the charging Sakura to his other best friend. "Hurry up! We gotta run!"

"Che," Sasuke dodged a punch from Sakura. She could seriously pack a punch. Definitely not someone to underestimate. And he'd been secretly looking forward to that dinner with the Naras.

He sighed. It didn't seem like they'd be fit to go anywhere after Sakura was done with them. Since when was she so violent? He swore she was bipolar. One moment, she could act all shy and cute, the next, evil and maniacal. The only thing he was sure of, was that he was glad she was on his side, not on the side of his fan girls.

Now that would be scary.

* * *

Hello readers. I am back with a new chapter. A reminder, this is my first humor fic and I have my own sense of humor. So don't flame me about how not crazily hilarious this is, because I

have my own means of being humorous. Not all humor fics have to be overwhelmingly funny.

I'm having a lot of freedom with this fic. I'm kinda scared because of all the attention this one is getting from the readers, so encouragement would help a lot! I feel pressured, in a good

way of course.

Again, the real story starts when they are teenagers. That's why I'm moving so quickly through their childhood. That's also why there isn't much humor in the chapters, yet.

Please give me lots of reviews. They help me psychologically and help fuel my passion for writing. I'm a fast writer, and I type even faster when people cheer me on.

Also, I posted a picture of the five/six year old trio on my profile. Warning: It's not mine. I just posted it there as reference.

Thanks, and come again!

-Hulk


	3. Prologue: Unordinary

Disclaimer: Naruto, and the poem below does not belong to me. I only own the plot and this fic. I'm not making any money off this. It's a hobby.

UPDATED: 11/3/10

* * *

_Over time we've developed something extraordinary, _  
_That will last forever because we're both unordinary. _  
_I used to think that friends were the people that you could laugh and talk to. _  
_Now I know that, Friends will be with you every step of the way _  
_No matter what people say _  
_They make you happy when you are feeling down _  
_They make you smile instead of frown. _  
_Friends always accept your past, _  
_Support your present _  
_And encourage your future. _  
_A friendship isn't an opportunity it's a sweet responsibility._

_-Nicole Blaiser_

_

* * *

_

"I'm sorry Naruto, but the way you're doing now, you won't be able to pass the exam," Iruka gently put down the stack of files. "You are currently ranked the lowest in the class, and your ninjutsu isn't that great either. You need to up your work or I'm afraid you will not be able to graduate."

"What?" Naruto leapt up. "But I have to be Hokage! You can't just hold me back because of a few tests! There's more to being a great ninja than just bookwork and some basic jutsu, Iruka sensei," Naruto's voice dropped down to a soft whimper. "You have to let me pass."

Iruka looked unsure what to do. It was a fact that Naruto was smarter than he let on. Much, much smarter. He was just too lazy to take his tests seriously. However, Iruka knew that the one thing Naruto really had trouble with was the Bunshin no jutsu, no matter how hard he worked at it. He just couldn't control the amount of chakra that went into the technique. "Tell you what," he said finally. "if...if you can master a different type of Bunshin, and successfully do three clones on the test day, then I'll let you pass. Of course, the norm is that you can graduate if you pass five out of the six components of the test, but since your average grade isn't terribly high, you'd need to pass all six. Can you do that?"

Naruto's eyes burned with determination. "I will," he looked so serious that Iruka was surprised there was none of that goofy personality showing on his face. "I will pass! For sure! Thanks, Iruka-sensei!"

Iruka shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Unfortunately," he began. "I can't teach you anything other than the designated curriculum. Therefore you have to find another person to teach you the clone technique.."

Naruto grinned. "No worries! I'll manage. Thanks a lot, sensei. I'll be going now!"

"Naruto!" Iruka called after the blonde as the boy bounded out of the room. "Thanks for understanding! I'm sorry I can't be the one to teach you!"

"Yeah! It's okay!" Naruto waved back. He knew what his initial problem was. Chakra control. And he knew just the person to help him.

...

"Whaaaaat?" Naruto, flabbergasted, grabbed Sakura's arm. "Whaddya mean you can't teach me? I totally need your help right now, you know?"

Sakura sighed. Few feet away, Sasuke sighed too. Sitting together underneath the cool shades of the trees in a nearby training ground, Naruto had an adamant expression on his face while the other two simply looked exasperated. "Naruto," Sakura started. "I have been your friend for over six years. All this time, we've been training each other right? And if you still haven't gotten control over your chakra after six years...well there's little I can do."

"She's right." Sasuke folded his arms behind his head and leaned against the trunk. "We need to find a different solution. Considering your progress, I'd say it's pretty unrealistic for you to master chakra control in just a week. We need to find an alternative solution."

"But Iruka-sensei said I need to pass all six parts of the test!" Naruto whined. "If you guys aren't going to help me, who will?"

"I don't know," Sakura answered truthfully. "But for now, let's think. How can we make it so that you'd graduate, even without passing the ninjutsu portion?"

Sasuke rubbed his chin. "Should we bribe the teachers? I'm an Uchiha, they'd probably listen to me."

"Or, I can sneak in and put a genjutsu on the examiners? Make them think you pulled it off?" Sakura offered. "Though I'd rather you do this yourself, since this is your mess and all."

"You guys are mean," Naruto pouted. "If I don't graduate, you two are probably gonna have some idiot dork on your team. Why do you think I've been purposefully missing the tests? It's to increase the probability of us being together!"

"Don't blame us, we've been plenty helpful," Sakura retorted. "If you keep antagonizing us then we're not going to help you at all."

"Okay, okay." Naruto put up his hands in a placating gesture. He didn't want Sakura to get mad. It was like pulling nose hairs from a sleeping rhinoceros. "Well, I actually have an idea that might work..."

"Like what?" Sasuke yawned.

"...you know how Hokage-jiji has Icha Icha hidden in his drawers?"

…

Sarutobi was enjoying the last dregs of his coffee watching the sunset through the large window in the Hokage's office. He was finished with his paperwork, his files and stamps were neatly put away, and now he was getting ready to head home for dinner. He got up and stretched. When he relaxed, he saw a small form in front of him. "What are you doing here Naruto?"

"Oiroke no jutsu!"

"GYYYAAAH!" Sarutobi gasped as a voluptuous, beautiful blonde girl appeared, completely naked. Was this a dream come true? Could it be that he was actually seeing a girl from Icha Icha come to life? Just what has he done to deserve this?

Mind going into overdrive, Sarutobi spectacularly keeled backwards, two streams of blood issuing from his nose.

"Kekeke," Naruto clapped his hands in glee, returning to his original form. He reached into the man's drawers and pulled out his secret collection of porn. "I'll be taking this old man."

He quickly penned a letter addressed to Sarutobi (IF YOU DON'T MAKE ME A SHINOBI YOU'LL NEVER SEE YOUR ICHA ICHA BACK AGAIN). Proud of his work, Naruto stretched, content, and made his way for the door when he saw the bulky scroll in the corner of the room. It was frayed and ancient, and it looked important. He normally didn't care about scrolls; they were boring and had nothing interesting in them. But what caught his eye were the big fat words styled in fancy calligraphy: Legendary Jutsu Scroll. Now that was interesting. "Hehe," he smirked, rubbing his hands. "Life lesson #2, finders keepers! Thanks for the scroll old man!"

Naruto lugged the thing onto his shoulders, then thought better of it and sealed the entire thing into a sealing scroll along with the other books. Immensely pleased with himself, he pranced out the door.

Sarutobi would wake two hours later in the darkness, finding his precious books stolen, a blackmail letter on his desk, and the irreplaceable, world-class heritage jutsu scroll of the former Hokages missing. He groaned and put his face in his hands. As desperate as he was to get his scroll back, he simply could not ignore his frantic worry for his lovelies. First-edition, signed by the author himself. How could he have been so stupid as to keep them without any protection in his drawer? He should have put them under safety seals and ANBU guards... where were his guards anyway? Those incompetent fools... If there was a single mar on any page, he was going to fire them all. With his fear for them growing deeper, he called with a shaking hand for his secretary to bring the shinobi enlisting records. Normally he would have brushed this off as one of Naruto's pranks, but this was not a simple matter. His life, pride, and passion was in jeopardy.

If he couldn't get his books back, then he would cry his eyes out.

Naruto hooted with glee as he jumped into the air again, making his way for the hideout in the Forbidden forest. He had successfully trumped the old man, who was supposed to be the strongest shinobi in the village! Doesn't that make him candidate for Hokage? With a dramatic gasp, he hunched, jiggling his eyebrows, voice low, eyes wide.

"Uzumaki Naruto, twelve years old, becomes Hokage of Konohagakure! Boo-yeah!" He leaped again, landing onto the solid plank of their treehouse. To his surprise, Sasuke was there. He nearly fell off the branches. "Woah, Sasuke! Didn't know you were here! Whatcha doing?"

Sasuke yawned. "I was practicing my fire techniques. Sakura went to get some warm food. She said she didn't feel like eating cold today."

"That's great!" Naruto did feel like having some tasty fresh food. "Guess what?"  
"What?"

"I took down the old man and forced him to make me a shinobi! Even if I don't pass the exam, I'll still be a ninja, ha!" He pumped his fist in the air.

Sasuke frowned. "You actually made him submit? You made sure the document he signed was authentic? He wasn't lying?"  
"Well," Naruto's smile faltered. "I sorta left while he's unconscious..but he probably did enlist me as active shinobi! I left him a letter!"

Sasuke sighed, rubbing his forehead. Naruto could be so clever and yet so stupid sometimes. "Naruto, what makes you think you can get the strongest person in the village concede to your will? I highly doubt that he was even surprised by your attack."

At this Naruto shook his head vigorously. "Oh no. No, no. He was really surprised. I'm sure."

"How?"

"'cause he fainted."

? "He fainted?" Sasuke leaned in closer, now much more interested. "Just what did you do?"

Naruto smirked devilishly. "I used this little jutsu I came up with in my spare time, but you have to promise not to tell Sakura, or she'll pound the daylights out of me!"

Sasuke nodded solemnly. "I promise. Now what did you do?"

"I used a jutsu called Oiroke no jutsu..(sexy technique)...it makes me turn into a sexy babe with no clothes on. Then he fainted on his own. Then I stole his Icha Icha collection, wrote a letter threatening him with it, then for good measure, took this scroll with me too." Naruto pulled out his sealing scroll and unsealed the items inside. "See? I'm not lying."

Sasuke's eyes went wide. Was that...was that the Scroll of Sealing? The Legendary Jutsu Scroll? ...wait a minute... "Crap. Naruto! What have you done?" Panicked, he grabbed the giant scroll and stood up. The idiot! Idiot, idiot, idiot!

Naruto cocked his head. "Huh? What did I do?"

"This is the Scroll of Sealing you moron! It's Konohagakure's ultimate compilation of extremely strong kinjutsu, all of which have been developed by our former -and current- Hokages! Do you know how much the other villages scramble around to steal this thing? You just committed a capital offense!" Sasuke wanted to kick the blonde idjit's head. "What are you smiling about? We need to give it back before they set ninja after us! Come on, let's go."

"Sasuke, Sasuke, Sasuke," Naruto tsked, shaking his head like he was about to explain an elementary concept to a little boy. "Calm down my friend. Let's think about this rationally."

"Do you really have the right to tell me that?" A vein throbbed in his forehead. He was the most rational one in their group!

Naruto wagged a finger. "Life lesson #2, finders keepers. The old man just had it right next to the door! How was I supposed to know how important it is?" Sasuke opened his mouth to argue back, but Naruto wagged his finger faster, bringing it up to Sasuke's face. "Ah ah ah, listen to me Sasuke. If we're going to give it back anyways, would it really hurt to take a teeny peek inside the scroll? Just the two of us? No one has to know. Just me and you. And once we're done," Naruto gave him an angelic smile, the epitome of innocence. "I'll go back and give it back, and no harm done. Just as long as we don't take _too_ much time with it, we'll be fine. Waddaya say?"

Sasuke took his time thinking. The offer was rather tempting...after all, who knew how powerful these techniques were? It could help them jump boundaries as easily as swatting a fly. "Fine," he made up his mind. "But first, let's wait until Sakura gets here. I need to talk to the two of you about something. Something important." He looked down and walked away, hunched.

Naruto wondered just what could be so important that Sasuke would all of a sudden get all moody about it. Maybe his training didn't go as well as he thought it would? Hmph, he'll find out soon.

Taking his scroll back, he sat down on the planks with a sigh. He was getting really hungry. All that running and whooping through the entire village had its toll. Even he had his limits. He was a healthy growing boy, and he hadn't had any food since this morning. He was eating way better than he used to, before he met Sasuke and Sakura, but even now, he often went starving for a meal or two. It was not too bad. He learned to grow around it. Hunger sharpened his senses, and kept him on his toes. It was strange, but sometimes, he felt a pull of his own chakra respond to another chakra as far as a couple miles away, which was really weird. But what was scary about it was that he knew exactly where he/she was, the gender, and the race. It was like the second day of the Ninja Academy, when he had come to school hungry, and sensed Akamaru on the other side of the village. He didn't realize it was the same dog until he saw Kiba arrive to school late.

Sakura said that a common ninja's skill is to detect chakra signatures from far away, and to notice presences. But what he felt wasn't exactly like a chakra signature. It was just, chakra. Like it's just there, and he could feel it, but only if he chose to. Again, really weird. He was itching to talk about it, now that he had his mind full of thoughts on the topic, but Sasuke was, for some reason, brooding in the darker end of the treehouse, so Naruto left him alone. He reached out with his senses, feeling the chakra of the trees, the little insects and animals.

Suddenly, he felt the tug of a foreign chakra, entering the forest and charging toward them at high speed. It was a girl, his age, and she was definitely a ninja.

"Hey guys! Did you wait long?" The piping bright voice of Sakura filled the high treetops just moments later. "I got yakitori, sushi, some salad, meat sandwiches, and sorry, but no ramen Naruto. We ate that for the last two days." She looked up, and saw her friend's face staring at hers with an odd expression. Sasuke bustled out of his corner to grab some food. He looked off too. "What's wrong with you guys?"

Sasuke glanced at the blonde. "You talk. I'm not the cause for this remember?" He took the chopsticks and started eating. "Sakura, we're eating right now, so please don't blow up. It'll ruin the food."

"Al—right," she said, eying them suspiciously. What were they up to now? "What did you do?"

"To make things short, I sort of stole the Scroll of Sealing." Naruto picked up the sushi and shoved some into his mouth. "And Sasuke and I want the three of us to look at it before we give it back."

The boys paused, waiting for her reaction. Quietly, they put their food down. Sakura was frozen. Tense, they waited for her to defreeze.

When she came back, she came back with a shocked gasp. Coughing violently, she glared, her eyes brimming with tears, irritated that her coughing wouldn't stop. The boys didn't do anything to help her, secretly too afraid to go near her. Their fears were well founded. Once she was in control, Sakura exploded.

"You f***ing b***ches and stupid #$! with $!$%& and axxholes with f***ing d**ks I will take this chopstick and ^%*&#$ shove it up your nostril to see if you have any F^%$ing brains inside!" She breathed heavily, so angry that her face was going red. "How dare you f***ing..."

Life lesson #3, don't piss off Sakura.

It took her ten minutes to calm down once she was done with her rant. "So?" She held up her hand expectantly. "Where is it? Weren't we going to look at the contents?"

Naruto and Sasuke shared a look. Sakura was bipolar, no doubt about it. "It's here," Sasuke held it out. "What should we look at first?" They peeled the scroll open. The first jutsu they came across was: Kage Bunshin no Jutsu.

Naruto whined. "Eww. This is considered a kinjutsu? A cloning technique?" Sasuke and Sakura on the other hand, looked excited.

"Takes lots of chakra, stamina, determination, some level of chakra control..Naruto this is perfect for you," Sakura gushed. "Learn it! It shouldn't be too hard. It's just a cloning technique. This way you can legitimately become a ninja!"

Sasuke agreed. "I don't think I can use that technique, because it uses too much chakra. But you have a lot of chakra, so you should be fine."

"Come to think of it, all the other jutsus take up a lot of chakra too," Sakura scanned the rest of the scroll. "I don't think we're going to learn any of this guys. Except for you Naruto, you can learn the shadow clone technique. But other jutsus require absolute chakra control and elemental affinity... this is not for us." Sakura decided with a final nod and rolled the scroll back up. "We'll give this back first thing next morning."

Naruto, enthusiastically making the hand signs for Kage Bunshin, deflated a little. "Oh joy. After all my work."

Sakura giggled, but Sasuke's voice broke her out of her giddiness. "Now that the scroll issue is settled, let's talk. I have some serious issues."

"Yeah, you do have some issues," Naruto laughed at his own joke, but Sakura punched him in the head.

"Go on Sasuke," she urged kindly.

"I've been training. My fire techniques are coming out weird. I don't know why, but it feels different. It doesn't feel like the usual fire..do I make sense?" Sasuke had a glint of panic in his eyes. Sakura quirked her eyebrows. His fire was different?

"How different?" she asked.

Sasuke shifted unknowingly. "It's like, instead of flaring out to burn what I'm directing it to, it turns and tries to cover me, like..kinda like—it wants to hug me, you know? The color's different too..a deeper red."

"And you didn't do anything differently?" Sakura asked, her face lined in thought. "No new handseals, no difference in chakra control?"

"None." He made sure of that.  
"Hmm," Naruto stroked his imaginary beard. "When it comes back at you, does it burn? You don't look hurt."

"Actually, that's the puzzling part. It doesn't burn me. It sort of just circles around me before going back to attack whatever it was supposed to have attacked. Almost as if- as if it has a mind of its own."

"Wait!" Sakura clapped her hands together. "If the fire doesn't hurt you, what about regular fire?" She pointed to the bonfire in the center of the clearing.

Sasuke shrugged. "I don't know. I'll test it out." He jumped off the treehouse and landed next to the fire, Sasuke and Naruto landing right after him.

It was warm and comfortable..rather disorienting, but Sasuke felt drawn to the yellow orange depths. He couldn't pull his eyes away. The voices of his friends drifted off into the far background. And through instinct, he mindlessly reached out and placed his hand in the fire.

It felt nice, at least for the fleeting second that it had been inside the flames.

Naruto and Sakura, curiously watching Sasuke as he went into a semi-trance, rushed forward as Sasuke suddenly plunged his hand inside the fire. They yanked him away, adrenaline pumping.

Panting, Naruto kicked Sasuke in the legs. "Are you suicidal? I thought you grew out of that six years ago! What is wrong with you? Who would put his hand in fire?"

Sakura dashed forward and grabbed Sasuke's hand. "Are you burned? Show me your hand—..." her eyes popped out of her skull.

"What?" Naruto growled, seeing her reaction. "What?"

"He's, he's not burned at all," Sakura said breathlessly. "How..? Does the Uchiha clan have more than one kekkei genkai?"

"Not that I know of, no," Sasuke shook his head. A bloodline limit? Impossible. Such a thing was hard to grasp.

Naruto yelled, "What's up with this kekkei genkai talk? What does him not being burnt have to do with a limit?"

"If he wasn't hurt -can't be hurt- by fire, then he most likely has a physical kekkei genkai. But bodily bloodline limits are a mix of two elements.." Sakura trailed off. If this was really a bloodline limit, then Sasuke was born with _two_ natural elements. Everyone went silent at the possibilities.

"No," Sasuke finally spoke up. "It's nearly impossible to have two kekkei genkais at once. If I inherited the Sharingan, then I shouldn't have another bloodline limit."

"Do you know if you have any other natural affinities?" Naruto pressed.

Sasuke shrugged. All Uchiha were fire elementals. His brother had been the sole exception. He had been raised with the expectation of being a fire user. He never took the element test.

"We can still find out more later," Sakura decided. "For now, let's look at it as a positive thing. Did you have anything you wanted to say Naruto?"

Naruto thought about the strange, chakra sensing experience he had, but thought better of it than to tell her. "No, nothing."

"Then we should help you with your new technique at least a few times before sleep. The exam's soon."

They all agreed, and for the rest of the night, helped Naruto on his Shadow Clone technique. Sasuke tried his best to keep his mind focused on Naruto's progress, which was moving rapidly, but he couldn't keep his heart out of his most pressing concern.

If he had another kekkei genkai, then what about the Sharingan?

* * *

"I congratulate every one of you for passing the graduation exam! May your paths be filled with vigor and success!" The booming voice of the Third Hokage filled the academy. The Hokage felt as if he could fly with all the lightness in his heart. His lovelies had been returned to him in perfect condition, he didn't need to oversee interviews for new ANBU guards, his scroll had been returned, and lastly: Naruto passed the exam on his own. Now he didn't need to forge the papers. Yes!

It had been quite impressive, to be honest. Iruka and Mizuki reported that Naruto made three excellent clones. No warpings, no half dead creature on the ground, but full clones. What's more, they were solid. Naruto obviously learned the jutsu from the scroll, but it was amazing that he had such chakra reserves, and that he was able to master it in one night.

"Now your teachers will announce your teams to you in due time. For now, go home and celebrate! I wish all of you luck!" Sarutobi stepped down from the podium and walked away, all too eager to get back to his office, and wary of Naruto. He would not fall for the same trick again.

"Awww man, now everything will just become more troublesome," Shikamaru grumbled. His parents looked flustered at his comment as everyone turned to look at him.

"Shikamaru, don't say that!" Yoshino clunked her son upside the head. Shikaku just gave a nervous laugh.

Chouji was eating chips. His father was eating a teriyaki bowl. Ino, who never got around to growing her hair quite as long ever again, stood next to her father, completing the Ino-shika-chou trio. The new one and the old one.

From a corner, Mizuki seethed as his plans were thwarted by the demon brat again. His plan to coerce Naruto into a desperate espionage with the Scroll of Sealing failed, as Naruto did, in fact manage to pass the exam, and because after the theft of the scroll a day ago, it was now in the highest maximum security possible, deep in ANBU headquarters. But, Shadow clones? Who would've thought the demon actually had any talent? Now that he knew he was possibly underestimating the brat, he had to lay low, and seek advantages.

To Mizuki's right, Iruka stood, proud of all his students, but knowing that most of them would return. He hoped he made the best decisions with their teams. It wasn't fair, but one team in particular he had high hopes for. He wasn't very old, but in his hard shinobi life, Iruka had seen and experienced many things. Call it a teacher's sixth sense. He knew they were going to be great. He just knew.

_Meanwhile..._

"Good to see that you're on time for once, Kakashi." Sarutobi puffed on his pipe, sitting in his plush chair in his office.

"You wished to see me sir?" Kakashi lazily hunched, but his attention was solely dedicated to the leader.

"Yes. You will be taking a team this year, and as we've discussed, you will be taking on Team Seven."

"I already know this. Why do you need me?" Kakashi respectfully asked. He was itching to read his favorite book, but Sarutobi was stalling.

Sarutobi took another puff. "I called you to warn you."

"About?"

"Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura. The lot of them. Just be careful."

Kakashi scratched his chin. Was there a sufficient reason why he, a S-class Jounin, had to watch out for a bunch of freshly minted Genin? "I will."

Sarutobi internally groaned. He could see the Jounin was not taking him seriously. Oh well, he warned him! "Then you are dismissed. Good luck." _You'll need it. For that group of rascals._

"Yes sir." Kakashi disappeared in a teleportation jutsu. Less than a second later, he appeared in the academy, where there were still a group of students excitedly jabbering about their graduation. Any ninja worth their salt can do a little recon, just to be safe, right?

"Oh hey, Kakashi-san!" As he was walking down the halls, a fat Chuunin whose name he couldn't seem to recall waved at him. Absentmindedly he waved back, but still couldn't match a name with the face. The fat Chuunin -can such a fat person be a ninja? (other than Akimichis)- came up to him and started talking quickly. Kakashi tuned most of it out by whipping out his favorite orange book.

"...never knew that brat would pass..."

"What?" Kakashi peeled his eyes away from the pages. Something about Naruto? Sensei's son?

"That runt! Uzumaki Naruto! He's a useless one, no need to worry about him, he's coming straight back here." The fat Chuunin folded his arms.

"..." Kakashi certainly heard that his sensei's son didn't share his father's vast amount of talent, but to be considered absolutely worthless?

"Oh, and there's that Haruno girl. Sweet one, that is. Adorable and quick-witted, but other than that, nothing too special. Pretty average, I should say. Top Kunoichi though."

"I see."

"Sad thing lost her only mother six years ago. Been alone ever since. Just like the Uchiha heir. Hoo boy, that kid's a prodigy."

Did this guy know which team he was taking on? He just talked about all three of his students. "A prodigy, you say?"

"Yeah! But otherwise quiet and unnoticeable. Great skills, but not that dazzling. Wonder who Iruka and the Third will pair him up with. Someone strong, I hope. He's the last of the Uchiha."

"Hmm."

…

"Hello Kakashi-san! You look well! Are you taking on a team this year?" A vibrant, skinny Chuunin ran up to him. "None of this year's graduates are too remarkable, sorry to say. Except for the fact that almost all of the major clan's heirs are graduating at the same time, nothing too great."

"I heard the Uchiha is pretty good."

"He's okay. The standard genius. Too quiet, in my opinion. And there's that Naruto boy, he's either withdrawn or pranking. He's a funny one. I daresay he won't make it far into the shinobi world."

"Oh?"

"No one bested your record of graduating yet Kakashi-san!" the chuunin's eyes glimmered with admiration. "I know your students will be blessed with an amazing teacher!"

"Perhaps."

…

Kakashi walked into the orientation hall, to find it empty. Everyone had left, huh? Well, he still got plenty of info. Some people were biased, some weren't. Sadly, he wasn't able to catch their homeroom teacher before he left. Iruka was a good honest man and could have given him some quality information. But so far, from what he gathered...

Maybe Sarutobi's warning was a little unfounded, after all? Frankly, he didn't think they were very threatening.

Bah, another year of failures. What a bore.

Kakashi flipped open his book and poofed away.

* * *

Hey guys. I'm back with a longer chapter. This is my last prologue. But, I will remind you again that the real plot is meant to start once they're teenagers, so I will be moving fast through their childhood. So don't bash me on that.

Also, I'll remind you again that I have my own sense of humor and don't bash me for not being "drop dead on the floor" hilarious. If you flame me, I'll just point you to what Sakura says to the boys.

Lastly, I need reviews. Seriously. So far, this fic has so much attention compared to my other stories, and yet I still get menial amounts of reviews. Is this an insult to my writing skills? Hope not.

Again, the poem is not mine. It was something I took off the internet because it was so moving. I feel very strongly about all forms of friendship and that's one of the reasons why I'm writing this fic. Please don't mistake this story for romance. I do have some romance in mind, but don't actively endourse pairings. You can, and I'll consider it, but I'm still probably going to go with my idea.

Hope you enjoyed the chapter, and please review. I have benchmarks this week and next week, so if any of you are reading my other stories, then they might not be updated. This one, I'm not sure yet. I might, depending on how many reviews I get.

Thanks!

-Hulk.


	4. You Liar!

Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me. If I did I'd be a billionaire! (Like Shinzou soon will be! *spoiler!*)

UPDATED: 11/12/10

Again, watch out for the quick time skips.

* * *

Naruto got up before his alarm clock today. He was excited. This was the day he was being assigned to a Genin team! He hoped it was with Sasuke and Sakura. Well, most likely he was already with Sasuke, since he was dead last and Sasuke was first, but Sakura? He didn't want their team broken up.

Who'd be his sensei? Some crazy bad ass ninja! Man, all those moves that his sensei would teach them made him drool. He'd be so great, that everyone would know him, he'd be so feared that all of his students—namely, himself—would also be feared, and then they'd be renowned once they surpass him and show the world who's boss! Yeah, that'd be awesome.

Naruto snickered as he rubbed his face dry from the cold water. He didn't stop snickering as he scarfed down his cereal. Putting on dark blue shinobi pants and an orange shirt over a mesh undershirt, he adjusted his shiny new headband on his forehead. He grinned at his reflection in the small mirror on his wall. "Headband, check! Killer grin, check! Bed, made and ready check! Gloves- there they are. CHECK! I'm ready to go, y'all!"

Naruto pulled on dark green fingerless gloves he received as a present from Sakura and adjusted his kunai holster from Sasuke. Closing his eyes and reaching out with his chakra, calming his senses like he had done back before in the forbidden forest a few nights ago, he felt Sasuke and Sakura's chakra's heading toward the Academy a few miles away. "Time to go. Yesha! Go go Uzumaki Naruto! One step closer to greatness!"

He dashed outside his apartment.

* * *

Sasuke was dressed in his usual Uchiha shirt, white shorts, and leg wrappings. On his arms, he had short, black wrist protectors on both sides. A present from Sakura. He wasn't feeling all that excited. Sure, it was his first day as an official Genin and ninja of the village, but what's so great about that? It 's still the lowest ranking there is. He was to meet up with Sakura on the outskirts of her area, which was in his direction towards the Academy. He didn't live in the Uchiha district anymore. Even if the council didn't urge him to move out into another apartment he would have moved out anyway. To either Naruto's house or a new apartment. Of course, Naruto's apartment was too small, but back then, both of them had been small enough that it didn't matter. Then again, the council would never have let him move in with Naruto. He didn't understand why people hated his blonde friend so much. Sure, he was annoying sometimes, but Naruto was generally a very nice and talented guy. He was loyal and a good friend. Not once in their six years together did Naruto ever do anything to let him or Sakura down. It didn't make sense that people disliked Naruto for no reason. It was a stark contrast to how the civilians treated him and how they treated Naruto. For some reason it made him ashamed.

When he went home after the ordeal in the forbidden forest, he immediately went to the stove, and against his better judgment, had placed his hand in the middle of the blue flames. He had expected to recoil, screaming—his blood had pounded so hard in his ears, expecting his hands to be charred and black—but his hand was fine. In fact, he enjoyed the tingling sensation of the fire flickering across his knuckles.

Baffled, the very next day Sasuke went to a ninja equipment store and bought some of those chakra sensing paper. Unfortunately they didn't come in sheets, but in packets, and so he was forced to buy an entire packet (250 sheets), and once he had the thing, he was strangely scared to try it out.

So what if he had more than one natural element? It would probably mean that he had a physical kekkei genkai, but can he do anything to combine the two elements? How did combinations work anyway? Besides, if he did have another bloodline limit, what about the Sharingan? Would he, the last of the Uchiha, be a failure to it's legacy? Leaving behind no Sharingan for his descendants? Just the thought made him feel sick. What would his father say?

His father wasn't here. He remembered with a grimace. Dead. Dead at the hands of his brother. Damn it!

Sasuke turned a corner into a desolate alley and punched his fist into the wall. Why? Why? He thought all the demons of his past had been cast away in the last six years with his friends. Why was that life continued to remind him of all the terrible pains of his younger days?

His knuckles began to bleed as he kept on punching at the gritty wall. He didn't like to think about his brother. His brother had been so kind, so understanding. What he said to Sasuke right after killing their parents was absurd. He wouldn't chase after his brother like that. Not like that, filled with hate and revenge. Naïve as he might be, Sasuke still refused to believe that his brother killed the clan out of "measure for capacity." Deep inside, he still hoped that there was some behind story to it, that his brother was still the kind, caring person that he grew up with... "Damn it!" He punched the wall again, not caring whether his knuckles bled or not. He raised his fist again, but this time, it didn't connect.

A hand shot out and grabbed his. "Sasuke, stop it!" Fierce green eyes pinned him down. Sakura held his fist in her hand in a vice grip. "Why are you doing this to yourself? Aren't we your friends? Didn't we all agree to come to each other in times like this?" Fury burned in her eyes, and Sasuke didn't feel so vindicated anymore. Instead he felt like a little kid being scorned by the parent. "Don't hole yourself up in this stinky place and get back out into the sunlight. What would Naruto say if he saw you like this?"

Sasuke gasped, not knowing that he had been holding his breath. " 'You masochistic now?' "

"Exactly! Wait, I didn't mean-" She trailed off, looking out of place with her bright pink hair in the gloomy shadows. A faint blush colored her cheeks. "Let's go. We're going to be late. I already backtracked just to find you."

"Hn."

"Is that all you can say?" Sakura lectured, leading them back to the bustling road. "I'm gonna tell on you to Naruto, let's see how long he'll pester you after that."

"...Don't." Not even he could withstand endless pestering from Naruto.

"Then don't do it again. Or I'll make sure to tell our new sensei to watch out for your 'tendencies.' "

"Hey!" Sasuke protested. "I'm not that bad! Now you're just being Naruto-like."

"Is that an insult?" Sakura dangerously voiced.

"On-only if you take it as one, haha." Sasuke awkwardly laughed and broke into a run. "Let's take to the roofs. We're going to be late."

Sakura rolled her eyes and grumbled. "Thanks to who."

"Hurry up you two! I've been waiting forever!" Naruto yelled. He was on top of the Academy. "Iruka sensei's about to start!"

With a dash, the three friends barely made it to the classroom before Iruka started his long lecture on the intense road of shinobi ahead of them. It was so boring that Naruto seriously reconsidered using his infamous Oiroke no jutsu again. But decided not to. Not in front of Sakura.

They all made to the same team. Team 7.

* * *

An hour later, Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke waited alone in the classroom. Everyone was gone, but their sensei still hadn't arrived. What the heck was wrong with that Jounin? Didn't he know how to keep time? Even Naruto, the delinquent, knew how to be punctual.

"Doesn't the freakin' Jounin know how to keep time? Even I know how to do that!" Naruto shouted, making Sasuke smirk.

Sakura sighed. The day didn't seem to be turning out to be that great. First Sasuke, now their new Sensei? Wasn't Seven supposed to be the lucky number? It didn't seem like luck was on their side today.

"Hehehe," Hmm? Looking up, Sakura caught sight of Naruto setting up a trap with a blackboard eraser in the door.

Exasperated, she palmed her forehead. "Naruto, such an obvious trap is not going to work on a seasoned ninja."

"Awww, who cares? The fun is setting it up! Besides, it's so simple that people will probably overlook it." Undeterred, Naruto secured the eraser and gleefully waited, waited, waited...

Plop.

A mess of white silvery hair was caught in between the door and the wall. Naruto roared with laughter. Sakura and Sasuke, bemused and shocked, sat up. "I GOT YOU! I GOT YOU!" Naruto jumped up and down, howling with laughs wracking his body.

The mysterious man stood up to his full height, patting his hair free of the white dust. "Hmm. Let's see..."

Naruto unconsciously stopped making a scene and gulped. Sasuke and Sakura quieted, suddenly wary.

"...my first impression of you guys... I hate you."

...

* * *

"So, why don't we introduce ourselves? Our likes, dislikes, hobbies, names, goals, stuff like that." The weird man with the funny hair lounged on a metal railing on the Academy roof. "I'm Hatake Kakashi. Hmmm...you don't really need to know my likes or dislikes...I have a few hobbies. I don't really have a goal."

"So all we learned is his name?" Naruto muttered under his breath. What a weirdo. He desperately needed a new hairstyle. It was terrible!

Hearing the mutters, Kakashi pointed at the blonde first. "You first, blondie."

"Hai! Hai! I am Uzumaki Naruto! I like cup ramen and the Ichiraku ramen Iruka sensei buys me sometimes! What I like more is when Sakura and Sasuke and I eat together. It doesn't matter what the meal is. What I like even better than that are Sakura and Sasuke themselves. Dislikes? Hmm." Naruto scrunched up his face and assumed his thinking pose, stroking his imaginary beard. "I suppose people who are mean to me for no reason. That, and oysters. They freak me out. I hate being alone."

_Oysters?_ The kid was a funny one. It was real interesting to see how _interesting _his sensei's son had turned out. "Go on."

"My hobbies are training, pranking, making fun of Sasuke, and ramen sampling. It's pretty much what I do all day." Naruto's expression turned serious. "I plan on becoming Hokage one day, and to make people acknowledge my existence! Then everyone will have to recognize my greatness."

Kakashi's eye opened slightly wider. He smiled softly under his mask. His teacher's son was a treasure, he could clearly see that.

"Alright. Very interesting. You next, girl with pink hair."

Sakura cleared her throat and sat up straighter. "I'm Haruno Sakura. I like my friends Naruto and Sasuke. What I dislike is being alone at home. My hobbies are to cook, train, prank, clean, and camp. Don't take me for an average girl, because I'm going to be Hokage too!"

"Clearly. Not with your hair at least." Kakashi didn't expect the icy cold glare that chilled him right to his bones after his comment. Maybe the team was not as boring as he initially thought...? "Lastly, you. You probably know who you are already." He pointed lazily, his keen ears catching the mutter from Sakura: "of course he knows who he is. What a dork."

"Hn." Sasuke smirked at his teammate's irritation. He didn't like the teacher already. But it was alright. There were plenty chances to get back at him later. His dear friends just haven't caught onto that little tidbit yet. "I'm Uchiha Sasuke. I like Naruto and Sakura, and I hate being alone at home. My hobbies are to train, to prank, to hang around with my friends, to camp. The usual stuff." Sasuke shrugged noncommittally. "I plan on becoming Hokage."

_All three of them like to prank, and want to be Hokage? What's up with that?_ Kakashi thought. _Well, at least they like to train, and they like each other. Maybe they can pass my test. But, do they like their friends better? Or their dream better? We'll see. _He cleared his throat. "Well well. Very interesting group we have here. I'd congratulate you on becoming Genin, but before that, we need to do a little survival test." Here comes the fun and disappointing part.

"Huh?" Sakura cocked her head. She looked like the brains in the group. "But we did survival training in the Academy. Why do it again?"

"Yeah! This is stupid! WE should go straight into missions!" Naruto cheered.

Kakashi lazily took his time answering, knowing that it would make them more anxious. Slowly, he fixed his palm on the side of one cheek. "Well... you see, you three are not officially Genin until you pass a special test."

"Special test?" It was the Uchiha's turn to talk. Didn't look too happy. Oh, how he loved riling up the little ones.

"That's right. What's scary about this one though, is that there is a 66% failure rate. In other words, only nine out of the thirty graduates will advance to Genin, and the rest will go back to the Academy."

He watched gleefully as the horror sank into their faces. He was sadistic, for sure. "We'll start this tomorrow, at five in the morning. Meet at training ground seven. Don't be late." He stood, languidly stretching.

Before he leaped away, he turned and faced them. "Oh, by the way, don't eat breakfast. You'll just get sick." kekeke. He was evil.

Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura shared a worried glance before wordlessly heading to their safety tree house.

They needed to think.

* * *

"I say we stay here tonight, then leave together." Sasuke spoke. Naruto and Sakura nodded.

"Yeah. We should do some light training then go to bed early. I say we eat a lot of dinner." Sakura fretted.

"What about breakfast? Are we going to eat?" Naruto asked. "He didn't say we couldn't, he just suggested we don't."

"I say we eat." Sasuke decided. "I'd rather take the chance of throwing up than fighting on an empty stomach. Either that, or we can take some rations, but that's too risky. Stopping in the middle of the fight to eat? It'd give us openings."

"I say we do both." Sakura pulled out her backpack and packed it with ration bars. "It's always better to be safe than sorry." She packed medicine too, in case any of them did throw up.

"Do you think we'll fail?" Sasuke asked. Sakura and Naruto paused in what they were doing.

After some hmm-ing and stroking his beard, Naruto shook his head. "I think if there's anyone that can pass, it's us. We're a team. We pass together or fail together. Besides, we're way stronger than all our other classmates. We made sure to keep our true strengths hidden. We can take him by surprise."

"I agree." Sakura set down her readied packs. "We're ready for this. We've been ready for this all along. I think, we can get there even earlier and set up some traps. What do you say Naruto?"

"I hate the thought of getting up before the sun," Naruto drawled, "But if it increases our chances of passing, why not? What do you think Sasuke?"

"I doubt that they're expecting anything much from a group of freshly graduated Genin," Sasuke answered. "I bet all we have to do is make the right kind of impression. So I'm all for the plan. We don't know what the test really is though. Other than the fact that it's survival training."

"Who cares." Naruto shrugged. "We're awesome enough. We'll be fine."

"Pride leads to a fall," Sakura warned.

"Dear Sakura!" Naruto feigned hurt. "When have we ever been prideful? I'm just stating the truth. We are, after all, pretty badass."

* * *

Kakashi strolled down the busy streets of Konoha, his favorite book in hand, flipped open to his favorite page. He absentmindedly noted the sun go down and the electric lights turn on. He wasn't very sure which direction he was walking in, but if his guess was right, it was probably the same place he always ended up in.

He felt the crunching of grass beneath his feet. Stopping, he put down his book and smiled at the large shiny stone in front of him. "Hello Obito. I'm back."

* * *

"So anything else we need to talk about?" Naruto got up and began stretching his arm muscles. He wanted to train.

Sasuke bit his lip. Here it comes. "I went and got this recently." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the packet of chakra sensing paper. "I thought I'd do it with you guys, since I have so many."

Sakura squealed. "Yay! I always wanted to know my element affinity! Do you know if you-?"

He understood what she was asking. "No, I didn't do it yet."

"Aww, do it now! Let's see if you have another element!" Naruto was jazzed up. He began jumping in place.

Sasuke ripped the packaging open and pulled out a sheet. "Okay, here goes." Concentrating, he pushed some of his chakra into the paper. Two things happened at once.  
The paper crinkled, then burst into flames. Surprised, Sasuke dropped it. Letting the paper fall onto the wooden planks of the tree house. "What the-" Thankfully the fire went out after turning the paper into ash.

Sakura and Naruto, eyes glittering with interest took the packaging and looked at the instructions. "It says that if it crinkles, then your element's lightning, and if it burns, then it's fire. It's true! You do have two natural affinities!"

Naruto's eyes were like sparkling glass balls. "WOOW! Sasuke! That's amazing! Maybe you do have a physical kekkei genkai after all!"

"Hn. Maybe."

Naruto bounced around. "Wooww. Now I feel bad, cause I don't have anything special! Well, I can sense chakra, but that's not much."

Sasuke was puzzled. "Sense chakra?"

"Naruto can sense chakra," Sakura explained. "But I thought we already decided that it was nothing out of the ordinary?"

"It's different." Naruto insisted. "Can either of you feel where Akamaru is now? What he's doing?"

Sakura and Sasuke both closed their eyes and concentrated. "No." Sasuke finally answered. "But you can?"

"Yeah!" Naruto puffed out his chest. "I could feel you guys this morning too! You two were in some alley a mile or so away from the Academy. What were you doing? When you guys got there your hand was all bloodied up too!"

"..." Sasuke and Sakura shared a glance. Sakura had cleaned his hand and bandaged it, and Sasuke had pulled out a pair of gloves to completely hide it, but Naruto was too perceptive for his own good. Often he himself forgot that Naruto was an extremely observant individual.

"Either way, this is a good thing." Sakura crossed her arms and thought. "If the test turns out to be locating him, then it'd be a blast!"

"Yeah!" Naruto punched his fist in the air. "We're awesome! Naruto the deceptive Chakra sensor! Sakura the muscle armed mighty brains! Sasuke the fiery-hearted!"

"What did you call me?" Sakura and Sasuke both advanced on their blonde friend. Laughing they tickled Naruto till he begged for forgiveness. In the end, none of them got their training time. Or their elemental affinities.

* * *

Next day, 3:00 AM. Before Dawn.

"Goooood Morrrrninnng~" Sakura yawned. "It's time to get up guys. We need to make it over there before five so we have plenty of time for some traps. Get up!" She slapped the boys on their rear ends.

Both groaned and then rolled into a sitting position. "We're up, we're up."

The trio gulped down a hasty breakfast of cereal and toast and fruit before picking up their backpacks and holsters. Making their way to the training ground, Naruto pulled out a brush and some ink and began painting seals on the ground. Following his example, Sasuke and Sakura laid out traps everywhere, committing them to memory.

By the time it was five o'clock, the entire training ground was littered with seals and traps. Only, once Naruto sealed it all, it was invisible and will be activated only by a foreign chakra unlike Naruto Sasuke, Sakura's. Almost every inch of ground was covered in seals. The moment Naruto puts them on active mode, Kakashi would have nowhere to run. Even the ground he would be standing on wouldn't be safe. Then it'd be easy to lead him to the actual traps Sakura and Sasuke set up.

What Naruto actually had drawn out were explosions and binding seals. Some released knives and some made a hole in the ground.

Now all they had to do was wait.

So they waited.

And waited.

And waited.

And waited.

… The sun came up.

They waited again.

…

…

…

"Yo! How's everyone doing?" Kakashi's cheerful voice rang out across the clearing. Instantly, he had all three youngsters up on their feet and glaring at him. Aww, how cute. The liveliness of youth! Oh no, now he was sounding like Gai.

"YOU'RE LATE!" They pointed accusingly at him. So cute.

"Mah, mah, I had to help an old lady with some of her stuff, and she lives all the way on the other side of the village! I had to help her. Sorry guys."

Naruto looked pissed. Sakura looked murderous, and Sasuke looked annoyed. He cleared his throat again. "Now that I'm here, I'll explain the rules." He set down an alarm clock on the three posts and put some bentos down. "Here I have some bells. You need to get the bells from me before the alarm clock rings at noon. The person who does not have a bell will fail, and I will tie him or her to the post and eat lunch right in front of you."

_So that's why he told us not to eat breakfast! _Their stomach's growled, having eaten hours ago. Their anger levels spiked. None of them registered that there were only two bells in Kakashi's hand.

Kakashi quirked his brows. By now, at least one of them would have freaked and pointed out the two bells in his hand, but this group was different. Oh well. "Start!"

Naruto immediately put his seals on activation mode, unbeknownst to Kakashi. Kakashi looked around at them, confused that they weren't doing anything. "I said start? Aren't you guys going to hide?"

"If we're going to fight you for the bells anyway, there's no point in hiding and separating ourselves," Sakura explained. "Besides, you made us angry enough to want a direct confrontation."

"Naruto's already in position." Sasuke pulled out a kunai and twirled it expertly. "And so are we."

Kakashi didn't get it. All he could manage was an idiotic, "Huh?"

Then the ground beneath him exploded.

* * *

"Damn it!" Kakashi cursed, not caring who heard him. Just who the *uck set up all these seals? He'd been dodging knives, barely dodging explosions, falling into ditches, then accidentally running into some very well hidden booby traps and setting those off too. He was splattered with mud, dirt, grime, paint, and charred in some places. The three ingrates hadn't even moved from their position yet. From what he figured, the place they were standing on was a safe zone, of all sorts. Still, he was an elite Jounin, and getting to that safe-zone would be easy. What was tricky was all those seals he had to maneuver through. It had been thirty minutes since the start of the test, and he was the one on the run. Him. It made him feel so humiliated that he wanted to bang his head on a tree trunk.

He pulled out his lovely book. The sight of it made him see red. The brats had damaged his book with the first explosion. Now the beautiful, dainty orange color of it was burned to a dirty brown. He'd get them back.

Besides, if they didn't come to him, how would they get the bells? In a taunt, he yelled, "How are you going to get the bells if you aren't even going to come close to me?" He ran, taking a long leap up into the air to avoid more traps, heading straight for the safety zone, but Sasuke and Sakura had kunai in their hands, anticipating his move.

"Gotcha," they called in unison, and let the knives fly. Unable to dodge in midair, Kakashi hastily summoned a replacement and ran into the safety zone.

"I got you now little-" But then, before he could get his hands on the little brats, they jumped away, and the ground beneath him exploded again. Damn it! Wasn't it a safety zone?

He rolled out of the way just as the explosion took place, his hair singed, but the moment he stepped onto another piece of dirt seals flashed all around in a complicated circle around him, effectively binding him to the place. "The hell?"

Naruto and Sasuke and Sakura appeared, and took the bells off his belt. "Yay! We win!" The blonde brat jumped up and down in a victory dance. Sakura and Sasuke high fived. Kakashi groaned. How had he, the Copy cat ninja, gotten in this situation?

But he had an ace up his hand. "So you did get the bells. But now what? There's only two. Who's going to go back to the Academy? Hmm?"_ HA! He got the brats cornered!_

To his immense surprise, the blonde one- Naruto- tilted his head, perplexed. "Did you drop one?" he asked.

"..." Kakashi blinked. "What did you say?"

"Did you drop one?"

"..."

"You hid it!" Sakura accused. "You hid it so that we can't pass! How could you, you evil man!"

Sasuke scowled and cracked his knuckles in a dark, sinister warning. "You better tell us right now. Before the alarm rings."

Kakashi was baffled. "There are no more bells! There's only two!"

"Liar!" Sakura pointed her finger at his nose. Kakashi went cross eyed trying to keep it in view. "You hid it!"

"Tell us where it is!" Naruto punched Kakashi in the head. Ooh, Kakashi was seeing stars. Sasuke kicked him in his stomach. Ugh.

Sakura grabbed his hair and pulled. "Tell us where it is! We're not going to pass with only two people. We're either all going pass as one or not going to pass at all. And not passing is not happening today. Where is it? Where is it?"

"Yeah! We're all gonna pass as one! We're a team and you ain't gonna separate us!" Naruto yelled and chomped down on Kakashi's leg. Exalted, Kakashi was just about to shout, "You got it! You guys pass!" but the vicious bite on his calf made him scream like a girl.

"Let me gooooo! There is no third bell! Please let me gooo!"

"Where is it?" Sasuke kicked Kakashi in his balls. The poor Jounin couldn't even bend down to cover the tender area, due to the binding seal. "Tell us now!"

"Tell us now!"

"Tell us now!"

Kakashi cried. They just wouldn't listen to him! "Ouch! Stop biting me! Owww! I really didn't hide anything.. OOWWWW!"

He screamed and screamed. There was no way he was ever taking these demonic brats as "boring" ever again.

* * *

"Ah, Kakashi. Good of you to finally join me at- at last.." Sarutobi nearly dropped his pipe when he saw the state one of his best ninja was in. Asuma and Kurenai had their jaws on the ground, shocked at the multicolored Kakashi as well as bits of his burnt clothing. Slouching, the copy ninja looked like he went through hell. And boy, did hell did he go through.

"Kakashi, dude, what happened to you?" Asuma regained his voice. "You look like you just went through a mudbath, decorated with paint, and put into a kiln for baking. Weren't you testing your Genin?"

"...I was." Asuma never heard his big, manly friend sound so small.

"So did they pass?" Sarutobi asked, keen on finding out how well the devilish trio had fared.

Kakashi stood up straighter and nodded, shocking everyone in the room. Kakashi, had finally taken on a Genin team. It was a miracle.

"So what did they do to you?" Kurenai asked. "You look terrible."

"Smell terrible," Asuma wrinkled his nose.

Kakashi was quiet, then, started to chuckle. His chuckles became louder and turned into full out guffaws. The other shinobi stared at Kakashi like he went mad.

Kakashi turned to their leader, trying to calm himself. "I'll tell you this, Hokage-sama, Asuma, Kurenai. No offense, but our team is gonna kick your team's asses." He turned, then marched out of the office, laughing in his wake.

He left the shinobi in silent shock and annoyance. He was still mourning over the loss of his book, and considerable amount of his hair, but boy, his team was one amazing team.

When he said his team was going to kick ass, he wasn't just talking about Team 8 and Team 10. He was talking about the Third's team, the Legendary Sannin. His team held so much promise. They were the 'up front and charge through the front line" type of shinobi, the very powerful ones. It made him feel giddy. He giggled, not caring who saw him.

He'd never felt this alive since he was with his own team fifteen years ago.

* * *

Hello guys. I updated a little early, since I had no school for the last couple of days. Hope you enjoyed the chapter. Please review.

One quick note about my other fics. I've started writing for both, but I'm still working out the plotline.

I'm happy that I got reviews last week, but come on, only seven? I know lot more of you read my fic than that. Review! OR else. "Dundundun..."

Thanks for reading.

-Hulk.


	5. Missions: Boring and Melodramatic

AN: Thank you so much for reviewing! I was going to reply to you all individually but then I figured I'd show my love for you all through my newest chapter! I'm glad you liked the last one. Please keep loving/reviewing! I love you guys! I really, really, love you all!

And I'm so sorry that I'm so selfish. The reason why I waited so long is because I wanted to see how many reviews I can collect before my new chapter ^ ^; please forgive me!

Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me. This is a hobby.

UPDATED: 11/28/10

* * *

_Rustle._

"Candle, at point B."

"Fist, at point C. Ready when you are."

…

"Tracker, at point A! Yeah!"

Candle: "Wait, this isn't what we agreed on. Why do you get such a cool name?"

Hair: "You're late Tracker. You need to be faster."

Fist: "Shut up, Hair. Hurry up and signal so we can get this f*cking mission over with."

Tracker: "Fist, did you forget your pills?"

Fist (sarcastic): "Yeah. I'm totally fired up for this thing, wait till I get my hands on you."

Hair: "Now, children. No fighting. Everyone ready!"

Everyone tensed.

Hair: "...Initiate capture!"

...

_Meooooowwwww!_

…

"I hate this. This is boring. Why is it that such awesome people like us have to go cat catching?" Naruto complained. "Are you taking revenge on us or something, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Idiot!" Sakura punched him. "Don't give him any ideas. And this is for asking if I had pills!"

Sasuke coolly ignored his teammates and turned to Kakashi, who now had shorter hair. He had been forced to cut it after it was burned during the bell test. "I agree. This is ridiculous. You saw our abilities in the bell test. Give us something we deserve."

Kakashi snorted. "You really think you're ready? This is all to build character and teamwork. All Genin go through it."

"You suck," Naruto pointed his tongue out at him in childish anger.

"I know."

"I hate you. I'm going to go paintball shopping," Sakura complained and dropped onto the grass, refusing to move. "And Sasuke and Naruto are going to join me. All for you."

"...You know what? On second thought, you can have your stupid c-rank mission."

"Oh really?" They plopped down onto the grass and yawned. "Yeah right."

Kakashi was slightly hurt. "You really don't believe me in anything I say, do you?"

"After the many times you told us you'd be on time and was late, and the countless amount of times you said 'the next mission is going to be interesting,' you don't really expect us to believe you?" Sakura pointed out.

"Yeah! And the one time you fed me seafood even when I clearly told you on the first day that I can't stand oysters!" Naruto looked ready to cry/puke at the memory. "You did that on purpose."

Kakashi put his hands up in a placating gesture. "Hey, but in return, you guys totally bombed my house full of paintballs. Don't you think we're even? By the way, I still haven't figured out how you managed to trick me. I am a Jounin after all."

"Can't even figure that out?" Sasuke turned his nose up. "And just what do you expect to teach us? You already imparted your knowledge on proper ninja etiquette."

"Sasuke don't be like that. Etiquette is important! I want to be a great teacher for all of you, and believe me, proper manners is the way to go." Actually what he had been hoping for was that they'd get the "no attacking fellow ninja without clearance" rule and stick with it, but somehow that particular one seemed to have slipped their mind.

"Yeah right," Sakura and Naruto stuck out their tongue.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Let's just hurry up and go get that next mission. It better be good. Or else."

Kakashi flinched. He had high hopes for his team, but to be so ignored! He felt tears coming to his eyes. Sigh, his students...oh how he loved them all. But the things they made him do...

...

"Kakashi, are you listening?" Sarutobi puffed on his pipe. Two weeks and already the little rascals sucked the life out of the Jounin. And here he thought Kakashi might be the only one with enough guts and wit to keep them in line.

Kakashi snapped out of his daydream. His head had been high up in the clouds, with his cute students running around... "Hmm? Did you say something?"

Sarutobi closed his eyes and counted. From by his side Iruka slapped his forehead. The devilish trio was standing by, looking innocent and impossible of crime. The aged leader spoke up again. "I said, your team photo is not suitable. Take another one."

What was that about the team photo? "What's wrong with it?"

"Everything." Sarutobi wryly pulled out a sheet. "Face paint and obscene hand gestures are not acceptable. And..what is up with the background?"

Oh. He remembered now. It was one of the crazy things his team had hooped him into doing. They had something for paint, he was sure. It was like their life depended on paint. He saw Sasuke nearly burst into tears after finding his paintball supply nearly empty on a mission two days ago.

Anyways, he vaguely remembered the little kiddos snickering as they painted something all over themselves..and him..but why was his memory so fuzzy? "I don't exactly remember, could you show me the picture?"

Sarutobi flicked it over. Catching it easily with two fingers, he flipped the photo the right way up and brought it to his eyes.

Oh. _Oh. _

They were standing in front of a red and white paint splattered wall, with the words, "Team Badass" scrawled onto the wall in fancy, gangster letters. Naruto Sasuke and Sakura all had red and white pattered faces and were making hiphop signs over their heads. He, Kakashi, had a leather jacket with the spiderman hand pose in front of his face. "I think it's pretty cool." In Gai's words, it was _hip. _The kids definitely had artistic talent. Or that's what he _had_ to think, if he wanted to live.

"Nonsense!" Iruka snapped. "A team photo is extremely important. It goes on the records! Retake it at once!"

Kakashi flashed a smile. "Don't get your panties in a twist, Iruka-sensei. I'm sure the kids were having just some harmless fun. Besides, it's time for us to take a step away from tradition."

"But this is too much of an depart from tradition!" Iruka insisted. "Hokage-sama, I say-"

"Now now Iruka, let's hear what the young ninja have to say." Sarutobi quickly said, not wanting to incite their wrath. "I do think this is rather a lovely picture, but there is protocol."

"Well, it has come to our attention that the name, Team 7, is simply too boring for awesome ninja like us," Naruto serenely gazed out the window. "We were desperate. Our village is so lacking on the creativity side that we are being forced to live by the numbers." He sighed, placing a hand on his heart. "To be honest, it was a choice between Team Orphans, Team Freaks, or Team Little Devils. What would you have chosen?"

_Team Little Devils, _Sarutobi thought. "Why such grotesque names? Who came up with the orphan one?"

"Sasuke," Sakura explained. "He said since all four of us are technically, orphans, we should be called as such."

"As you can see Hokage-sama," Naruto stepped up and fixed the leader with a professional tone, "wouldn't you say we're actually doing some good to the world by blocking out negativity?"

Kakashi was nodding his head. "Yes, we all thought 'Team Orphans' was a terribly negative name. Which is why I recommended 'Team Little Devils.'"

Sakura cut in, examining her fingernails. "But then, everyone knows just how _old fashioned _Kakashi is, and 'Devils' totally doesn't cut out on the 'oomph' part, so we all knocked it down." Kakashi rolled his sharingan eye under his headband, where the kids can't see.

"Your name wasn't that great either," Sasuke pointed out. "I mean, 'Team Freaks?' I have no idea where you got that from. We're completely normal."

"I know," Sakura nodded. "I was paraphrasing. Team Kakashi: Team Freak. There's no need to add the 's' at the end." She shot Kakashi a pointed look.

"Oh so that was it? I never understood the mechanics behind that name, but I understand now. It makes total sense," Naruto stroked his imaginary beard. "Don't you think so too? Kakashi-sensei?"

"Freak-sensei!" Sakura laughed and pointed at Kakashi's hair. "Aren't you happy we gave you an opportunity for a new hairstyle? You look so much better!"

"His old hair was a vertical version of my hair, just that his hair is on top of his head when mine is on the back," Sasuke critically eyed their teacher's silver hair. "I think mine still looks better."

Kakashi raised a hand and rubbed his forehead in stress. "I got it, I got it. You guys can stop with the sadistic teasing. I'll get you the stupid c-rank, for God's sake."

None of them looked convinced, so Kakashi turned to Sarutobi and Iruka, pleading silently with his large, teary eyes.

Sarutobi coughed. "In that case, I have the perfect one for you. It's a escort mission to wave..."

* * *

"So Kakashi, you really think you'll be able to defeat me?" Zabuza, demon of the mist chuckled darkly. "That boy, Haku, is special. Your group of Genin won't be able to handle him."

"Zabuza," Kakashi growled. He felt sweat drip down his clothes. Tensed, his entire form was crouched, ready to spring to action. He could feel adrenaline pumping in his ears. His breath, calm and controlled hitched just slightly as Zabuza made a speedy leap and swung his giant sword towards him.

Kakashi grunted as he blocked the sword with a small kunai. Leaping away, he made swift hand seals for a water dragon technique, just as Zabuza did. Copying his jutsu, the two dragons canceled each other out.

"Just where the hell are your brats anyway?" Zabuza sneered. "Haku's getting lonely, you know."

Kakashi mentally cursed. Just where were they? Tazuna and the rest of the workers were in mortal peril, covered by ice and in hostage by the masked boy. "You don't need to worry. I'm perfectly capable of handling you all by myself."

Zabuza sneered. "We'll see about that, Sharingan Kakashi!" He lunged, the battle starting anew.

His red eye spinning wildly, Kakashi fluidly dodged all the attacks with easy grace. "You'll have to do better than that, Zabuza, Demon of the Mist! I will now show you my one and only original technique..!"

Zabuza's eyes widened. An original technique?

"Lightning Bl-" Kakashi shouted just as a smoke bomb erupted on the surface of the half finished bridge. "What the-"

Three small figures could be seen in the slowly dispersing smoke. "Sorry for the wait," a suave voice intoned. The smoke cleared to reveal three grinning faces. "Team Badass is here to save the day!" Naruto cheered. "I am Uzumaki Naruto, great awesome sensor and ninja..!"

"I'm Uchiha Sasuke, best friend to Uzumaki Naruto..!"

"And I'M Haruno Sakura, the bestest, awesomest, most freakishly amazing female ninja of all time!" Sakura ended it with a flair.

"..." Kakashi let his lightning fizzle and die out. A pin dropped somewhere. Then he finally came to his senses. He yelled, "Where have you three been? Tazuna-san has been in danger ever since you three just disappeared at the cottage. You were supposed to come with me to protect the bridge!"

"Life lesson #4," Naruto yelled out triumphantly. "The Hero ALWAYS comes late! Yesah!"

"Don't worry, we've been around all along," Sasuke waved his hand. "The workers are already free."

To Kakashi and Haku's surprise, the workers bound with ice suddenly turned to straw.

"So you have managed to outmaneuver me," Haku declared. "Do not worry. A worthless tool will be abandoned, and I will not be that worthless tool."

"How are you a tool? You're talking and thinking." Sakura rolled her eyes. "Don't tell me you still believe that 'shinobi is a weapon' crap. Nowadays the modern saying is 'shinobi is a profession.' Unless you're so brainwashed you can't even think differently?"

Naruto gasped. "In that case, we must punish the evildoer who has forced you to be like this! Is that evildoer you, Freaky No Eyebrows? FNE for short?"

"My name is Zabuza!" FNE snarled. "We established that on our first meeting, you brats!"

Sasuke was confused. "First meeting? When did we meet him again?"

"In the woods," Sakura explained. "It was when Kakashi got beat up with his water jutsu, and then we had to jump and save him, remember?"

"Oh yeah, I remember."

"I don't think you guys are remembering the part where I ended up saving all three of you from the river after Zabuza came after you with the very shuriken you threw?" Kakashi impatiently tapped his shoe. "Or the part where I carried Naruto home because he got seasick? Aren't you conveniently forgetting those parts?"

They all ignored him. Zabuza took this moment to loudly impose his presence. "In that case, you, the last Uchiha." He pointed a finger at Sasuke.

Bored looking, Sasuke grunted, yawning. "What?"

"My dear protege has been longing to challenge you!" Zabuza thrust his arm in Haku's direction. "Meet, Haku, my student."

"Haku? Where have I heard that name before..." Naruto tapped his chin. "Oh yeah! You were the pretty girl in the forest! Wait, you're a guy. Never mind."

Haku sweatdropped. "I am the same person, Naruto-kun. Need I remind you that I am, and always have been, a boy?"

"Wait, so that was a Henge?" Confused, Naruto cocked his head. "You tricked me!"

"...Never mind."

"Uh, guys, I'm sorry to interrupt, but we're supposed to be fighting to the death?" Kakashi scratched his head.

"Don't worry, we're getting to that part," Naruto assured him. "It's just that in any important battle, there is always serious, heartfelt conversation involved."

"Either way, you're going down!" Sakura cracked her knuckles. "I'll take the girl."

"Once again, I am a boy."

Naruto nodded. "You and Sasuke take Haku. Don't hurt her too badly." Haku refused to answer this time. "Let's go everyone! Team Badass saves the day!"

"Not on my watch you won't!" Zabuza dashed forward, swinging his huge sword at the small blonde.

"Don't you dare lay a finger on my students!" Kakashi proclaimed before swinging forward with his own kunai.

"Kakashi sensei!" Naruto called. "Remember the bell test?"

"Huh?" Then he remembered. Jumping away as quickly as possible, Kakashi leaped out away from Zabuza. "Don't you dare blow up the entire bridge-"

Boom. Crash. "NOOOOOO!" Tazuna wailed. There was a giant, gaping hole in the middle of the bridge, separating the structure into two parts. It would take forever to repair.

"Hehe," Naruto smiled innocently and rubbed his neck. "You should've said that sooner."

From afar, Haku fell on his knees as his teacher was seen no more. Believing Zabuza was blown to smithereens, he fell onto his hands and cried out, "Kill me now! My life serves no purpose without Zabuza-sama!"

"Wow, you're more melodramatic than Naruto," Sasuke commented. "But don't worry, we won't actually kill you. We're still little innocent souls, and I rather abhor the thought of killing, hard as it is to admit."

"No! Kill me now!" Haku wailed. "I don't want to live anymore!"

"You won't, soon enough," A sniveling voice carried from afar.

"Gato!" Kakashi growled. "You scum. Coming all the way here for revenge?"

"Yes, wouldn't you? After my home was so vandalized with paint, I felt the need to make an appearance." Gato tapped his cane onto the broken bridge.

Kakashi shot the kids a glare. Gato's unnecessary intervention had all been caused by their childishness? He would see to that as soon as they were home.

"You're partly the reason why Zabuza-sama is dead," Haku whipped out a senbon and prepared to strike. "I'll kill you!"

"Wait, Haku!" A voice stopped Haku in his tracks. A trembling hand rose from the side of the bridge and hauled the rest of him up. "It's me, Zabuza! I'm not dead!"

"Zabuza-sama!" Haku dropped his senbon and ran to his teacher's side. "I'm so glad! What happened to you?"

"Somehow the bomb just threw me into the ocean," Zabuza wiped water from his eyes. "Dunno why it had such a big impact on the bridge and not on me."

Kakashi shot Naruto a look. Naruto sheepishly laughed. "Oops. I suppose I used the wrong kind of tags..."

"Well enough is enough. We're through here, Haku. Let's go." Silently mourning the loss of his sword, which was somewhere deep underwater, Zabuza made to move away.

"Wait, don't you dare go anywhere. What about all the money I paid you to kill off that annoying bridgebuilder?" Gato screamed childishly.

"How annoying. Lend me a kunai, boy?" Zabuza asked Naruto. He smirked. "Nice tags by the way. Homemade?"

"Yeah, thanks!" Naruto threw him a kunai. "You know, you mean a lot to Haku. Don't be so wasteful with your life."

"I won't," Zabuza promised. "Believe it or not, I actually care for this little runt." He affectionately rubbed Haku's head.

Haku's eyes grew wide. "Zabuza-sama?"

"Let's go Haku. No time to waste."

"H-hai!"

And the rest is history.

* * *

_A month later,_

"You let him escape, didn't you?" Kakashi asked, as they were on their way back to Konoha. "You didn't mess up the tags, you deliberately placed them so that he'd either leave on his own, or come back for Haku, solidifying their relationship."

"As if I could be that heroic," Naruto laughed it off. "What makes you think that?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Just after watching over you guys for two months, I'm coming to understand more about you now. And the Naruto I think I know would do something like that. After what I've seen you do with Inari, and the improvement in his attitude. And I think the rest of you were in on it. Though, it's a little unfair that I'm the only one left out of the plans. For better teamwork, let's not do that anymore, okay? We have to communicate more, and I know that I haven't been as receptive...but I'll work on it. You guys are talented, brilliant individuals, and I promise to make you the best."

"Good riddance," Sasuke crossed his arms. "Now, are you going to teach us anything worth learning?"

Kakashi nodded. "Before I forget, I'm sorry. I don't think I took the right approach to you three. And as a teacher that's unacceptable."

"What kind of approach?" Sakura wanted to know.

Kakashi smiled his u-shape smile. "Oh you know, the usual 'idiotic boring brats' kind of approach. But don't get me wrong, I totally see your perspective now."

"Che, just teach us something more interesting than tree climbing," Naruto grumbled. "That was way too easy." All three of them aced it. Naruto, recalling his torturous training to master the Bunshin no jutsu made it to the top in three tries. Sakura in one, Sasuke in also three.

"Yeah, well, I'll make sure to get around to it pretty soon." Kakashi assured them. "This time you can trust me. After all, the Chuunin exams are rolling around. We better hurry up, or we're going to be late for the registrations."

To his immense pleasure, all three of them stopped in their tracks and looked up at him with shining eyes. "Chuunin exams?" Awe was written all over their faces. "Really?"

"Really." He grinned under the mask. "And as talented as you three all are, there's still room for improvement." He turned serious. "Be up for some serious training, cause I expect Genin of your caliber to all pass on your first try. Got it?"

"Yeah!" They hooted and jumped up and down in glee.

Sasuke and Naruto looked especially thrilled. "Does this mean we won't have to do D-ranks anymore? If we pass, I mean," Sasuke asked.

"Yup."

"YES!" Naruto hollered. "Alright, Team Badass! Chuunin exams, here we come!"

* * *

Hope that was funny enough. I had this done since lunchtime, but I felt like waiting, haha.

Once again, thank you so much for those reviews. I'd die for the same amount -if not more- for this chapter, though I'm not expecting much. Plz review! I love you!

One more thing, Kakashi's shorter hair is on my profile. For the team picture, just think of what Naruto had for his profile picture but as a group. SAKURA DOES NOT TAKE PILLS. THAT WAS A JOKE FROM NARUTO, AND HE GOT BEATEN UP FOR IT.

-Hulk

333333333

Next Chapter:

_"Sorry I'm late," Kakashi not so elegantly burst into the meeting room. Under the dim light, several Jounin stared back at him with defeated wryness. "I have a legit excuse this time. My team and I were on a c-rank turned a-rank mission and we just returned. I'm serious."_

_Mumblings burst from the ninja at the sound of a Genin team taking on an a-rank. Sarutobi just puffed on his pipe, already knowing the truth from several of his anbu squads. "I'll take your mission report later, Kakashi. Surely you know what this meeting is for?"_

_"Yes. Why do you think I rushed?"_

_"True, that is unlike you, my dear rival!" Gai boomed forth. "You look most becoming with your new team. I too, have pumped my own sweet darling students full of the power of youth!"_

_"Hm? Did you say something?"_

_"Gyaah! Kakashi, why are you so hip?"_

_"Anyway, let's move on to the actual topic." Sarutobi coughed, and the Jounin snapped to attention. "Anyone from the rookie squads willing to nominate?"_


	6. Chuunin Exams Stress People Out

Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me.

UPDATED: 12/23/10

* * *

"Sorry I'm late," Kakashi not so elegantly burst into the meeting room. Under the dim light, several Jounin stared back at him with defeated wryness. "I have a legit excuse this time. My team and I were on a c-rank turned a-rank mission and we just returned. I'm serious."

Mumblings burst from the ninja at the sound of a Genin team taking on an a-rank. Sarutobi just puffed on his pipe, already knowing the truth from several of his anbu squads. "I'll take your mission report later, Kakashi. Surely you know what this meeting is for?"

"Yes. Why do you think I rushed?"

"True, that is unlike you, my dear rival!" Gai boomed forth. "You look most becoming with your new team. I too, have pumped my own sweet darling students full of the power of youth!"

"...Hm? Did you say something?"

"Gyaah! Kakashi, why are you so hip?"

"Anyway, let's move on to the actual topic." Sarutobi coughed, and the Jounin snapped to attention. "Anyone from the rookie squads willing to nominate?"

Kakashi put his book down. This was what he was here for. "I nominate Team 7, consisting of Uzumaki Naruto, Haruno Sakura, and Uchiha Sasuke. Under the name of Hakate Kakashi, I swear that they are ready for the Chuunin exam. Oh, we're also called Team Badass, by the way."

Not to back down, the other two Genin leaders nominated their own teams.

Whispers broke out across the dim room. The Hokage's eyebrows shot up to his hat and disappeared there. Rookie squads entering the Chuunin exams? This was the first in six years!

On cue, Gai and Iruka stepped forth, not happy with how things were going. "Now wait a minute, Kakashi.."

"Sorry, no can do," Kakashi eye-smiled. He whisked his book into his pouch with a swish, and turned with a friendly grin to the smirking Hokage. "Mind if I...?"

"Yes, yes, go away." Sarutobi sucked on his pipe. "The little hellions are probably near drowning you with training requests anyway."

Iruka looked appalled. "But Hokage-sama! You can't possibly allow these.. kids! These kids to enter the Chuunin exam! It's too early!"

"Just leave them be, Iruka." Sarutobi chuckled. "I'm sure the squad leaders know what they're doing."

"Yup, now that's settled, I'll go now. Sorry 'bout that. Ja ne!"

Kakashi shunshined out of the meeting room, much to the chagrin of the other Jounin. "He comes late and leaves early! That's so not fair!"

* * *

"Just how long is he going to make us wait?" Naruto complained. "We've been waiting at this bridge for _ages_. Can someone please tell me why we agreed to an impromptu training session as soon as we're back from a freakin' two month long mission? I want a shower, and some ramen. And some steak. Can we just ditch Kakashi and go get some quality food?"

"I heard that," Kakashi popped out of nowhere. "I'm kind of sad, really. I just came straight from the meeting. I nominated you all for the Chuunin exams." He held out three slips of paper. "Though, not all of you have to sign up. The Chuunin exams will be hard. You can choose to wait. But-" He grinned an evil smile. "If you don't sign up, I'll stick you with d-ranks for the rest of the year. And per every paintball done on my person or on my house, that's another year, right there. Also, my dear friend, Gai seems to be a little willing to take you three for-"

"Yeah, yeah, spare us the theatricals." Sasuke rummaged around in his pouch. "I don't have a pen. I have my brush here with me though. Is that okay?"

"It better be okay. I already signed it." Naruto happily held up his own slip, already wet with ink.

Sakura tsked. "This is a legal document. Don't be so hasty Naruto!" She then took out her own brush and signed it. "It's the only thing we have though."

"..." Kakashi watched them bicker over their signatures, then sighed. Grabbing the scruff of their clothes- earning a 'hey!' from each- he shunshined out of the area and dropped them into the nearest pool of water. Naruto Sasuke Sakura screamed when the cold water rushed inside their clothes and foamed inside their mouth.

Spluttering and shivering, they burst from under the surface. "Wha-wh-what arrrre y-you doing?" Sasuke did his best to look mean with his teeth chattering. His spiky hair was plastered to his head, making his eyes look big and innocent. Kakashi never saw the little Uchiha so cute.

Sakura was red in the face. "I'll kill you for this." She stuck out her middle finger at Kakashi, who merely threw his head back and laughed triumphantly.

Naruto picked his pouch off his hip with trembling fingers and howled at his messed up supply of paper, ink, and seals. "Fuck you, Kakashi!"

Kakashi chuckled darkly. It was time to get them all back. Now that their supplies of paint and traps were ruined, they had no other means to best him. Such a glorious plan.

Kakashi smirked down at the little devils he was assigned to. "Is the water cold, my little angels?"

"Damn right," Sakura huffed and shook her fist at him, wading towards the edge of the rushing water. She stepped onto the bank, then screamed as Kakashi took the liberty to push her back into the deep, icy water. "Bastaaarrd!"

Naruto and Sasuke stopped short of the bank, wary. Kakashi smiled at them, his eye turning to an upside down U. "First training lesson: Walking on water. For as long as it takes for the three of you to get it, I will be shooting my **Suiton: Suiryuudan no Jutsu** at you. Good luck." His hands blurring in motion, it took the Genin approximately three seconds to understand what their crazy teacher just said.

"Wait, _what?_"

Too late. A huge water dragon burst from the water, growled ferociously at the trembling ninja, and lunged, its teeth bared.

Team Badass did the only thing they could do in that situation. They screamed.

...

* * *

Very happy with their training results, Kakashi faced his dripping team with a wide grin that split his face. "Excellent job, team! Now that we've sufficiently improved our chakra control, I will now move you to the ninjutsu training session. Take these slips of paper." He held out little bits of paper.

Sasuke scowled. "I had an entire pack of those until you dropped me in water. That's a whole packet worth of money gone."

Kakashi laughed. Their unhappiness was his mirth. "Well, I'm terribly sorry to hear that. Does this mean you know your element Sasuke? I'm supposing you have fire, like the rest of your clan."

"That and something else." Sasuke muttered, recalling his strange new element formed with a combination of fire and lightning. He'd been testing it out secretly during the mission to Wave.

"Hmm? Did you say something?" Kakashi handed the paper out to an eager Naruto and Sakura, who never had the chance to test themselves. "Just put some chakra into it, and it'll react. What did you say, Sasuke?"

"I said, I already know my element." Sasuke grumbled, irritated. "It's fire and lightning."

Kakashi blinked. "How do you know your secondary element, Sasuke?"

"It's not a secondary element. Apparently I have two primary elements." Sasuke rubbed his neck, looking sheepish as Kakashi dropped his book in shock. Naruto and Sakura snickered.

"Wait, wait." Kakashi recomposed himself with a cough. "Do the test for me?"

Bored, Sasuke took a slip of paper and channeled some chakra. It crumpled, then burst into flames. Kakashi's eyes grew as round as apples. "How long did you..?"

"Knew for a while now." Sasuke smiled awkwardly. "Don't know much what to do with it."

"This is a kekkei genkai! Is there anything like this in your clan scrolls?"

"Not that I know of."

"Wow," Kakashi looked fazzled. Naruto waved his slip of paper in the jounin's face.

"Okay, okay, we've established that already! Now will you _puh_ leez take a look at our elements? I wanna learn some cool jutsu!"

"Okay. What do you have?" Kakashi slapped himself mentally twice. Kekkei genkai weren't everything. Even as interesting as it was to discover a possibly new one starting up.

"Hmmph!" Naruto grunted, and his paper cut into four halves. Puzzled, he looked up. "Is that good?"

Kakashi nodded, pleased. "You're a wind element. Pretty well developed already too. Nice. Sakura?"

Sakura concentrated, and her paper crumbled to dust. "Earth?" She queried, not so sure if she was pleased or not. "I get such a manly element?"

"It's got substance, and formidable." Kakashi assured her. "In the third ninja war, the Rock ninja were a great hassle to Konohagakure."

"So now we know our elements, will you teach us some kick-ass jutsu?" Naruto looked hopeful, his eyes bright. "We can't exactly be badass without some badass moves, you know."

"I thought you guys were already badass?" Kakashi teased.

"Don't worry we already are," Sakura growled. "Don't think I forgot about what you did to me back at the pool."

"Woah, woah. Remember the one paintball=one year rule?" Kakashi put up his hands in a placating gesture. "Now that we have each of your elements, let's start some ninjutsu training! Anything else you guys want to tell me?"

"Ooh, me! Me!" Naruto jumped up and down with his hands. "I have sensor abilities! Isn't that cool?"

Kakashi's eyebrows went up. A sensor? Those were more common in Kiri and Kumo, not in Konoha. Either way, it was a terrific asset. Pretty much no one would be able to sneak up on them. "That's great Naruto. We'll do some training on that later. Okay, then, we're all going under element manipulation training!" Naruto, go get a leaf. Sasuke, we're water walking. Fire and lightning training is best on water. Sakura, go get a rock, and try and crush it with your fist. Everyone, get moving!"

"I have a question!"

"Yes Sakura?"

"What happens once I'm done?"

"I'll tell you when it gets to that."

"Me, me!"

"Yes Naruto?"

"I got a leaf, now what?"

"Put it in between your palms like this, and try to cut it in half with only your chakra." Kakashi brought his hands together to demonstrate. "Got it?"

"Yes sir!"

"Kakashi."

"Yes Sasuke?"

"I'm hungry."

Naruto made a face. "I'm hungry too. Can we train later?"

Kakashi wasn't fazed. "You can eat after we're done training."

"I'm hungry." Sakura sat down and rubbed her stomach. "Can't we eat first?"

"Life as a shinobi will always be hungry and tiring." Kakashi said shortly. "It won't be fully of glory. Get over it."

"But the whole point is, we used up a lot of chakra earlier trying to water walk. Can't we eat?" Naruto made a puppy face.

"No. Now get moving, all of you! Chuunin exams start tomorrow!"

"Which is exactly why we should be resting," Sasuke grumbled.

"I thought you guys wanted to train!" Kakashi was slowly losing his patience. "Wasn't this the entire reason why you were so into pranking me earlier in the year? Because I wasn't training you enough? What the hell? Get off your asses and get to work!"

Mumbling under their breath, the three Genin got to their feet and started on their individual exercises. Kakashi followed Sasuke onto the water. "Ok Sasuke, we're first going to do some Fire manipulation. Once I get a good measure of how experienced you are in that area, we can move on to lightning. Sound good?"

Sasuke nodded. At Kakashi's beckoning, he moved to perform all the fire ninjutsu he knew. From ashore, Naruto concentrated on slicing his leaf, and Sakura was focusing on her rock. For a while, everything was quiet.

Kakashi relaxed. For once, they were silent and working. "Good Sasuke. I think you're pretty well practiced on the Fire part. Let's move onto lightning. Now, lightning is controlled through lapses in mental energy from the brain to each of the nerves-"

_Growl. _"I'm hungry." Naruto complained.

"Naruto, if you're really focused on your leaf, you wouldn't even feel the hunger. Try again." Trying to keep the ire out of his voice, Kakashi turned back to Sasuke. "As I was saying-"

"...I'm still hungry."

_Ugh! _"Naruto, you-"

"Can _I_ eat?" Sakura's hopeful voice sounded from her area in the riverbank. "I crushed my rock! It really wasn't all that hard." She threw some of the gravel in her hand into the water.

Kakashi rubbed his forehead. "You can eat if you can get Naruto to cooperate. As soon as everyone makes sufficient progress, we will eat."

That shut them up. For a while.

Five minutes later, this time it was Sasuke who broke the tense silence. "I'm hungry."

Kakashi wanted to break something. It was with extreme self-control he replied, "...Fine. Go eat."

...

...

In two hours, Team Badass was back at the same training ground.

"There's no way you'll all finish elemental manipulation anytime soon. Something like that takes years of training." Kakashi explained. "But you guys really surprised me by getting so far already. Especially you Naruto. Your leaf work was impressive."

"Hehe," Naruto grinned goofily as he held up a leaf ¾ cut through. "It only took a little bit of food!"

Kakashi smiled. "Since the Chuunin exams start tomorrow, I decided that any other last minute training wouldn't be as effective. You guys are strong. Remember, I expect Genin of your caliber to all pass on your first try. You want to be kick ass? Then prove it. And I'll help you to the top."

"Badass, not kickass. Though it does have a certain ring to it." Sasuke helpfully pointed out.

"This is the very first pep talk you've given us sensei," Sakura laughed. "It's awkward."

"You should buy us dinner. ICHIRAKU RAMEN!" Naruto bellowed.

"You just ate lunch." Sakura admonished. "You want food again?"

"Hey, hey, don't fight..I'll treat you all after the exams. Oh! And I totally forgot. I snatched your forms before I dumped you into the river. Here you go." Kakashi eye-smiled and handed the slips of paper back to his students.

Sasuke glared at the white haired Jounin as he took his own form back. "You piss me off, you know that?" He was more than a little irked because Kakashi bested him like that. Plus his ruined supply of paper.

Kakashi bared his teeth, but none of them saw it, due to his mask. "I shoot that comment right back at the three of you."

* * *

"Hmm, this is most peculiar," Naruto was stroking his imaginary beard as he stared long and hard at the number inscribed onto the door of the academy. "Is this a..?"

"Genjutsu." Sakura confirmed. "It's a little too obvious. What, do they think we're idiots?"

Sasuke stopped walking, then pointed. "Looks like our competition isn't going to be all that rough. Look."

Gathered around in front of two menacing boys trying to bully the rest of the Genin, the other low ranked ninja struggled to turn in their applications, completely unaware of the illusion placed on the building. A girl and a boy stood out, obviously taking the blows and acting weak.

"So now what? Do we bust in and tell them to fuck off with their illusion, or do we act dumb and stupid?" Naruto tapped his chin as he turned to his friends thoughtfully.

"I say we stick with the traditional ways of shinobi..quiet, deceptive.." Sasuke's eyes gleamed. "Then again, we're not most shinobi."

"There's no way we can go to the third floor without getting the people who set this up to remove the illusion themselves anyway," Sakura cracked her knuckles.

Naruto cackled. "So, the normal, 'Team Badass' mode of entrance?"

His teammates smiled a predatory smile. "Let's get to it."

Shifting into a line, Team Badass each reached into their pouches with practiced ease, then hurled hundreds of tiny paintballs at the group of Genin.

Once everyone was distracted and the two bullies lost grip on their genjutsu, the team speedily made their way to the third floor, and turned in their forms.

Naruto laughed loud and clear. "Take that suckers!"

"That was indeed, a most impressive display." An unfamiliar voice rang out behind them.

Naruto Sasuke and Sakura turned around, curious. "Who're you?" Sasuke asked.

Clad head to toe in green, the shiny bowl-cut hairstyle glinted off the florescent lights. Dark bushy eyebrows twitched. But what blinded them most was his sparkling white teeth. "My name? I am Rock Lee! And I challenge you, Last Uchiha, for this lovely lady's hand."

The two boys face planted. "Who's the lovely lady in our team?" Naruto whispered to Sasuke.

"I dunno." Sasuke whispered back. "It's not Sa-"

A chill crawled up their spine. "You motherfuckers," Sakura forcibly choked out a hysterical laugh. With a hand, she grabbed hard onto their hair and pulled, earning a sharp cry from her male teammates.

This, "Rock Lee" watched her with rapt awe. "Oh, my sweet lovely lady. You are indeed the most beautiful woman I've ever met. Will you go out with me? I promise to protect you with my life!"

"Noo!" Naruto felt for the weird green kid. He wrestled out of Sakura's grip and rushed to the poor deluded boy's side. "Lee, right? Lemme give you a piece of advice. Sakura is not someone you want to go after."

"Why not? She's an absolute angel." Lee sent Sakura an air kiss. She avidly dodged, Sasuke coming free from her grasp.

Sasuke too bounded for Lee's side. He draped an arm around Lee's shoulders. "Lee, listen to me. Sakura doesn't need protection nor does she want any. Besides," He dropped to a conspiratory whisper. "You don't want to go after her. Listen to me and Naruto."

"I still want to fight you."

"Okay, okay. We can fight during the exams. But not now. Sakura's not in a good mood and when she isn't she's rather..uh..violent?"

"That just adds to her charm." Rock Lee shot Sasuke another sparkly smile. "But I shall heed your words. I will see you in the testing room then!"

Sasuke and Naruto couldn't answer, as in that moment, Sakura took her opportunity to drive her fist into their faces. Pummeling them into a nearby -and unfortunate- wall, she eventually peeled them off the wood and dragged them across the floor by the scruff of their clothes.

She smiled a sweet delicate smile to Lee. "Lee-san? Thank you. I'll think about it, okay? Let's do our best in this exam!"

Lee flushed a brilliant red. This girl was absolutely beautiful. "Yes, my dear Sakura-san!"

When they entered the testing room, many paint splattered Genin were blowing off steam by beating the daylights out of each other. Sakura blinked at the mayhem. "Look, Naruto, Sasuke. The idiots are decreasing competition for us. How convenient."

"Ugh," Sasuke picked himself off the floor and dusted his clothes. "I think some of my teeth are loose."

Naruto spotted their fellow rookies off to the corner and pointed, jumping to his feet. "Look! It's Shikamaru and the others. They're all here."

"Too bad he's smart enough to keep his team out of the fray," Sasuke commented apathetically. "It would've been nice if he was down this early in the game."

"Ooh, nervous, Sasuke? What happened to the Uchiha genius?" Naruto taunted.

Sasuke shrugged. "Just stating the truth. Besides, you and Sakura are just as good as I am."

"Hmm. I wonder when they're gonna stop fighting?" Sakura walked around the bustle and sat in a corner. Naruto and Sasuke followed after.

"It's better if they don't stop." Naruto remarked.

"But won't that make things a little too easy?" Sasuke pulled out a kunai and twirled it expertly. "I want some intense battle."

Then smoke erupted in the room, throwing everyone onto their feet, tensed for any possibility. "You idiots! No intense battle in this room! Or you're all disqualified!"

Sakura giggled. "Hear that? Sounds like you won't be getting your 'intense battle' anytime soon."

"Aww." Sasuke put his kunai away. "Now what?"

Morino Ibiki, the man who had just burst into the room with a whole load of other proctors, suddenly faced their corner and pinned the three with the most frightening glare they ever saw. "You little brats. Don't think I don't know about you three." His dangerous aura made them shiver.

"Crap. He knows." Sasuke breathed. "He knows it was us with the paintballs."

"He's just pissed because his crew has to clean up the mess." Naruto scoffed. "We're not going down, no matter what this guy throws at us!"

"Shut up! He's still looking at us!" Sakura hissed. "Let's go find a seat." They got up and without flinching, sat down at some empty seats.

Ibiki raised a brow. So they were Kakashi's prized brats. Hmph. Didn't look like much. Especially the blonde..that was the Kyuubi Jinchuurki, if his memory was correct. And the last Uchiha..

Well then. Let's see how different they are compared with the rest. After all, his test was always the hardest.

* * *

Omake: Naruto and Teuchi's New Ramen Experience.

"Teuchi-ossan! I'm here!" Naruto bellowed with joy at the sight of the ol' ramen shop. "I want the usual- wait, no friggin way, you're CLOSED?" Naruto jumped up and down with frustration. "But I've been waiting so long to eat your ramen! No fair. Aww." Stomping his foot childishly, Naruto turned to head back to his house, when a whiff of something delicious caught his nose. "What..?"

Unable to calm his curiosity, Naruto clambered up the walls and peered into the vent on the side of the building.

There, to his utter joy and excitement, Teuchi was making ramen. A new menu, it seemed. The smell was heavenly. "Oomph, I just gotta try that new ramen! OII, Teuchi-ossan! You in there?" Naruto yelled into the vent.

Teuchi tensed, then loosened up. "Oh, it's just you Naruto. Sorry, but the shop's closed for today."

"I know that!" Naruto bounced off the wall with glee. "I just want to try your new ramen! I'll be the best taster there is, promise! Can you let me in?"

Teuchi looked conflicted, but eventually shook his head. "No, sorry, but I still need to work out the finer details of the soup and the broth before I can let anyone taste it. You can come back tomorrow. Sorry, Naruto."

"Aww.." Naruto groaned and jumped off the wall. "I really wanted to try that new ramen... Oh well, see ya later then ossan!" He then turned and hid his smirk with a hand. "Like I'll go away that easy? Let's wait and see!"

Later at midnight, Naruto snuck back to Ichiraku.

"Kekeke, I, Uzumaki Naruto, will never fall back at the chance of tasting new ramen! Hehehe." Naruto snickered, and carefully pried the edges of the vent from the wall. Maneuvering the metal quietly out of the way, Naruto slipped into the darkness of the closed ramen stand. From the piping hot stove, little streams of steam issued from the small holes of the cover. Delicious smell wafted out of the pots.

Giddy with anticipation, Naruto pulled out a spoon and opened the pot. He sniffed. Once. Twice. "ahhhhhhhh," Naruto licked his lips, and reaching out instinctively in the dark towards the delicious aroma, he felt for a bowl, and piled the bowl with soup and soup stock. He couldn't boil the noodles, but that didn't matter for now. He just _had_ to try the new soup!

Naruto dipped his spoon and tried the soup. IT WAS GLORIOUS! He quickly slurped it all up, and poured himself a new bowlful. Prodding with his spoon, he felt for a piece of stock and popped it into his mouth.

Mmm, this texture, this flavor- this _flavor_?

Unadulterated fear spreading through his veins, like ice, Naruto spat the piece of stock into his palm, ice cold panic pounding at his brain. Unable to see through the thick blanket of the night, Naruto bulleted out of the small building and into the moonlight. He opened his palm, and stared.

And stared.

And stared.

Then he shrieked and threw everything from him as far as possible. Turning, he ran for dear life, goosebumps of shock poking up on his skin, his face starting to go blue in disgust.

In the corner, halfway covered by the shadows, lay the remains of the new strain of seafood ramen. An half chewed piece of oyster lay in the dirt.

Three days later, as Teuchi opened up the shop and took out his broom to sweep the front, he wondered, "Now, what happened to Naruto? He didn't come by for three whole days. And I've just finished developing my new menu."

LIFE LESSON #5: DO NOT STEAL.

* * *

Okay, so here's the thing. People were confused in the last chapter. Candle was Sasuke, Fist was Sakura, Hair was Kakashi, and Tracker was Naruto. I gave you a lot of clues all throughout the fic, so if you couldn't figure that out, and you reviewd about it incorrectly, I know just who's not reading my story carefully enough:) Besides, the way they were talking should have been a dead giveaway.

Anyways, I know that hungry part was a little random, but I just wanted to make the kids drive Kakashi bats on the most nonsensical things! It was too much of a temptation!

Sorry for the late update. My house was being fumigated, so I had to evacuate to my grandmother's house, who doesn't have internet. I nearly died without any fanfiction.

Excuse the language in this chapter. I think I was really frustrated because I was internet/fanfiction deprived. I had to let it out somewhere, but nowhere that might reach my grandmother's ears.

Please **review, review, review!** I got ten reviews last time and that was great, because I normally don't get as much in my other stories. BUT, this is my special story and I expect lots of reviews. **READ! READ:::::::At least more than ten, if you please. Or I won't update. **

Besides, I know this is really, reallly random, but can you guys take a few seconds of your free time to vote my poll? It's really weird, but I just have this insatiable curiosity about the strangest things.

Thanks!

-Hulk.


	7. Revelations

Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me.

UPDATED: 12/29/10

* * *

The room was deathly silent as Chuunin hopefuls gulped in trepidation.

Morino Ibiki fixed his grim stare on each of the Genin. Knowing that his intimidating presence alone was helping to up the emotional battlefield, he smirked, revealing some white pointed teeth. The creepiness of it made some poor Genin nearly wet themselves.

Bored and impossibly annoyed by the constant slight hiccuping coming from his right side, Naruto clucked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, making nervous people jump at the sound.

Ibiki narrowed his eyes at the aforementioned blonde. "Stop that clucking. Otherwise I'll have you removed from the room and disqualified from the exams."

Naruto lazily shifted his eyes over to the scarred man, raised two eyebrows, then stopped clucking.

Ibiki relaxed a bit. Maybe he was getting rusty. It wasn't like the norm for three – not only one but _three_- individuals to be so utterly comfortable in his test. Still, it looked like he still had his savvy. The blonde listened to him after all.

_*Buuuuuuurp*_

Ibiki's eyebrows twitched in annoyance. Naruto simply yawned and stretched. Then he patted his stomach good naturedly. "Ah, I think I had too much lunch." Some Genin snickered, Naruto's teammates included.

Feeling the tension in the room starting to drain away, Ibiki roared, "Silence! Now that you have picked out your numbers and are now sitting in your seats, I will now explain the rules. Everyone gets ten points from the start of this exams. If you cheat, that's a minus of two points every time you're caught. For every question you get wrong, that's another minus one point. If you get all ten points taken away, then you're kicked out of the game. If any one of your teammates are kicked out, then the rest of your team is also disqualified. Understand?"

There was a chorus of discontent from the examinees. Ibiki chuckled, then carried on. "The tenth question will be given out ten minutes before the time is up. You get an hour, got that?"

"Wait a minute!" A blonde girl with a Sunagakure headband stood up. "Why is only the tenth question given after almost everything is over?"

"It's the most important question. That's all I will say. Now sit down!" The blonde girl shot the proctor a hateful glare as she reluctantly sat down. The other proctors passed out the exam papers and Ibiki started the clock. "START!"

"L-let's do our best Naruto-kun!" Hinata, red with her effort to speak to Naruto, stammered out.

Naruto paused, then looked to his right. "Huh? Hinata? What're you doing right next to me? Oh yeah, forgot. You got this seat."

"STOP TALKING OR THATS A MINUS TEN POINTS RIGHT THERE!" Irritated, Ibiki yelled wrathfully. From under the desk, Sakura gave Naruto the middle finger, telling him to shut up.

Naruto easily complied, not wanting to jeopardize their exam. He flipped the paper over and gave it a look. _Hmm, first question...cryptography? Skip. Second question...skip. Third question...skip. F-fourth question..._

From a few seats back, Sasuke wasn't faring so well either. _Ha! I don't know the answer to any of these...pretty much screaming at us to cheat, isn't it?_

On the other hand, Sakura was having the time of her life. She sped through the codes, decoding them with the finesse of a master cryptanalyst. She flew over the trigonometry questions, dived and somersaulted over the stealth questions, and with pride, copied down every single rules of the Shinobi code she had memorized by heart.

From afar, one Yamanaka Ino was plotting her espionage with an evil grin on her face. She carefully made the handsigns, then stole into Sakura's mind with a flourish. She copied all the answers and came back to her body. Sakura dizzily woke up, not too sure of what happened.

Sasuke carefully looked around for a person who was writing nonstop. If this test was designed to make people cheat, then there must be a few people here that already know the answer! _Come on...which one are you?_ There! He found him. But how to cheat? If only he had his Sharingan.

A pang of regret and anger shot through him, but he shook his head and cleared his mind. It wasn't time to wallow in such things. He sighed then looked up, then blinked in surprise.

There were freakin' mirrors attached to the ceiling, giving him a clear view of everyone's papers in the room. He followed the near translucent wires to the owner. A girl with twin buns on her head. It just happened that he was in the perfect angle to use the mirrors. _Interesting. _

They do say luck is part of skill. Sasuke copied down his answers, then relaxed, content.

Naruto was in a fix. He didn't know what to do! He couldn't answer any of the questions. What to do what to do-

"Umm, Naruto-kun?" A shy voice wrenched him back to reality. "Would you like to look at my paper?"

Naruto jerked his head twice. He didn't need to copy from her. He was Uzumaki Naruto, bound to be great! He wasn't a cheater! "No thanks Hinata—Waoh!" A sharp kunai shot by his face and imbedded into an unlucky genin's exam paper.

"You, minus ten points. Get out." The proctors kicked the unfortunate team out of the room with little mercy.

Half scared to death, Naruto just kept his paper down and staged all his hope on the last final question.

…

Ibiki swept the room with his gaze. It was about time. More than half had thinned out. "Alright, it's time for the tenth question. But before that, I'll tell you all this: If you fail the tenth question, then you will never have the chance to become Chuunin again. If you are not sure of your outcome, give up now."

Anxious rumbles erupted in the room. Sasuke and Sakura rolled their eyes. They were confident.

A few teams gave up. Naruto gave those teams and Ibiki a, "What the fuck?" kind of look. "You messing with us? We rookies went through so much to get here. We went through maniacal teachers and crazy d-ranked turned a-rank missions, melodramatic fights, paintball fighting, and flimsy genjutsu barriers." A few proctors bristled at that. "That's only for rookies. I bet all the other Genin went through worse. You expect us to give up just because of a 'maybe?' You sure don't know anything about us. We're ninja, that's what. And ninja never give up!"

_Drat that little annoying kid! He totally took over my exam today! _Ibiki cursed Naruto, but silently gave the blonde props for his guts. He saw the look of determination that came to the eyes of everyone remaining, then groaned internally. However, he respected the blonde for being so charismatic, and so brave, albeit a bit foolish. "Do the rest of you feel the same?" No one responded. "In that case...You all pass!"

"Eh?" The shocked cries made him smile a bit. He then moved to the explanations. "The life of a shinobi is harsh. You can't doubt, you can't hesitate, and most of all, you can't give up or jeopardize the lives of your teammates. If you give up, then you condemn the rest of your teammates with you. A Chuunin is a squad leader. If he or she doesn't have the guts and intelligence to pull through in these kinds of situations, then he or she will end up killing their whole team.

"But all you have performed admirably. Part of this test was to test your information gathering skills. Those that did not have the ability to spy accordingly were knocked out of the game. You guys made it through in every aspect, and I commend you all.

"It'll only get harder from now on." Ibiki reached up and pulled his bandana off. "You might be tortured, compromised, captured, killed or threatened, but as loyal shinobi to each of your respective villages, you will all pull through, no matter the consequences."

"That's right!" A spinning black figure crashed into the window and threw kunai in four directions, pinning the huge black banner behind her to the walls. "I am Mitarashi Anko, your second exam proctor and it'll only get harder! Everyone follow me!"

"..." Ibiki sweatdropped, along with everyone else. The strange woman wore very tight revealing clothes with a tan trenchcoat draped all over her frame.

Naruto stared distastefully at her clothes. "Who the hell are you lady? I gotta say, your fashion sense is totally out of whack."

"Whatcha say brat?" Anko's teeth glinted as she prodded the blonde with the tip of her kunai. "Wanna die?"

"..Anko." Ibiki stepped out from behind the dark banner. "You're early. Again."

"Huh? Oh. Ummm...Mhuahahahaha! That's alright! Come on, you genin, follow me!" She jumped out the window.

"Finally!" Naruto crowed. "We're getting some stuff done. Nice speech, but a bit lacking in the melodramatic area. You should work on it." Naruto patted Ibiki sympathetically then jumped out the window after Anko.

Sasuke and Sakura briskly headed after their friend. Sakura waved to the scarred man. "That test was really fun Ibiki-san! Really invigorating. Really easy too! Have a nice day!" She followed Naruto out the window.

Sasuke smiled at Ibiki. "Have a nice day." He jumped out as a horde of other Genin followed after him, leaving Ibiki alone in the room.

Ibiki trembled, then fell to the floor. _Kakashi, I will not forgive your brats ruining my day...my tests are NOT fun, NOT invigorating, NOT easy, and I do NOT have a nice day with kids burping all over my class. Grrrr.._ He stood, then moved to pick up the tests. Impassive, he collected every single one of them, then felt his hand tremble again, too angry and too shocked to do much else other than stare at the blank test in front of him. _Uzumaki Naruto...you are the first to pass this test without answering a single question. I will get you to understand this world of fear someday._

_

* * *

_

"This is Training Grounds 44, otherwise known as the Forest of Death." Anko cackled at the expressions on the Genin. "I will now be passing out scrolls marked Heaven and Earth. You guys get one scroll per team, and you have to fight teams to get the other counterpart. You have five days inside the Forest of Death. If you get your scrolls within the time limit, come to the tower in the center of the forest. As you can see, this test is designed to put you against each other, to test your survival skills. Good luck kids!"

"Is this one of your ideas? Because it's just as out of whack." Naruto crossed his arms.

Pissed, Anko threw a kunai to nick the brats little cheek, and wrinkled her nose when Naruto casually plucked the knife out of the air. "Better try harder." He threw the kunai to his feet, daring her with his eyes to bend down and pick it up.

Anko glared at Naruto, internally debating whether or not condescend and pretty much bow to the blonde while picking her kunai up, or just leave it there. Or pound the little kid to the ground.

But before anything, a long tongue snaked out and pulled her kunai free from the grass. "Here." A raspy voice called from behind. "I got your kunai, Miss Proctor."

"Why thank you." She took the kunai from the strange kusa ninja with the long tongue, a little grossed out but otherwise happy that she didn't have to pick it up. "Anyways, let's get back to the exam."

"But what about our food supply?" Chouji cried, holding his last bag of potato chips. "I don't wanna starve!"

"Idiot, there's plenty of food in the forest. You just have to watch out for the giant insects." Anko brushed off, a bit irritated.

Chouji and Ino looked appalled. "I-insects? Extra large bugs? Kyaah! No!" Ino shrilly ran into Shikamaru's arms. "Shikamaru, I don't want to go in there!"

"It's too troublesome. Let's quit."

"We can't quit lazy-butt! Come on!" Ino shook her fist at her teammates.

Shikamaru sighed. "Women are so troublesome. They want one thing but then want another, then get all bitchy because they can't get both."

"I agree!" Sasuke reached out and put a hand on Shikamaru's shoulder. "You and I really match with the brainwaves. I like you."

"You better not be talking about me!" Sakura yelled, a bit irked. "You should always say good things about your teammate. Especially to other friends."

Sasuke motioned a meaningful eyebrow toward Sakura. "See what I mean?"

"Totally. How troublesome."

"You little brats, send a representative to get in line and get a scroll!" Anko pointed to the erected tent around the stand.

A few minutes later, Sasuke and his teammates gathered around in a circle far away from the other teams. "Alright," Sasuke said breathlessly. He discreetly pulled out a Heavens scroll from his pouch. Leaning in close, he said, "I suppose we're going after the teams with an Earth scroll then."

"An Earth scroll? Something like this?" Sakura pulled out an Earth scroll.

Naruto and Sasuke gawked. And stared. "Where in nine hells did you get _that_?" Naruto blurted out. "I can't believe you!"

Sakura smiled a devious smile. "Well, let's just say they should have put up a barrier, with proper seals, than a flimsy tent."

Sasuke gave her a thumbs up. "You are the most violent, enigmatic, arrogant yet the most amazing, cool, quintessential person in the entire universe. I love you."

Sakura blushed prettily. "I don't think the word, 'quintessential' fits in this context, but I get your gist."

"Wow, this is great!" Naruto ran up and hugged her. "I'll sum it up. You're awesome Sakura. So I guess this changes our plans then?"

"Should we head straight for the tower?" Sakura asked. "Or, should we stay behind and thin the crowd out some? I thought they might find out that they're short on scrolls, so I made a duplicate complete with some of your concealment seal tags, Naruto, but they can still find out."

"Hmm, should we kill some time?" Naruto turned to Sasuke, stroking his imaginary beard. "I'd rather prefer to go straight to the end. It's cleaner and faster, and I bet they keep record of things like that, so if we busted every single record there, it'd be amazing!"

"I really like the idea of wiping some competition out, but Naruto's right. We don't really know who we're facing anyway, so I say we conserve energy and prepare for the final exam. Instead of fighting, we can gather some information instead?"

"Good idea. Gathering info on the teams we come across, right?" Sakura nodded. "Okay, that's great. Now, do we keep these scrolls together or separate?"

"Separate." Naruto took the Heaven scroll from Sasuke and slapped three concealment seals on it. It faded to a blank plain scroll, and any vestiges of chakra was effectively suppressed and undetectable. Carefully, Naruto pulled out his brush and a bottle of his custom made ink, and drew a small but complicated storage seal on his skin, right on his bicep. "I'll seal this to my own body. I think Sakura should take the other one."

"Okay." Sakura slid up her shirt. "Put it on my stomach. I'll protect it best there."

"Ooh, this is nerve-wracking," Naruto said, staring at Sakura's toned stomach. "Can you do it yourself? It's kind of weird to gawk at a girl's belly."

After much scuffle, the scroll was stored safely.

"Oh brats?" Anko called. "Get ready. A team per entrance! On my whistle, three, two, one!"

Scrambling, Team Badass set off like a bullet into the dark, ominous forest.

* * *

"What are we going to do?" Chouji nervously asked his teammates. "We know we're not going to match nearly any of the teams. There's no guarantee we'll come across someone weak, either. We're doomed! I don't wanna die!"

"Shut up Chouji! We're not gonna die! We just have to do our best." Ino pumped her fist in the air, trying to bring up the mood. "Come on Shikamaru! We can do this!"

"How?"

"I say we catch someone alone, and see if they have the scroll!"

…

"Crap. Crap crap." Shikamaru slapped his forehead. Hiding behind the bushes, the trio stared at the long haired figure a few meters ahead of them. "This was the best choice we could find?"

"I-I don't think we can take him on, even with all three of us," Chouji was scared. He wanted potato chips, and he wanted to get out of this mess.

"Why are you following me? Get out of that bush." An indifferent voice made them jolt. Neji peered into the thick foliage, waiting for the annoying rookies to reveal themselves.

Stumbling, Team Ten jumped out of the bush. "Oh my! If it isn't Neji-sama!" Ino batted her eyelashes. She undid her hair. "I wonder, if his Neji-sama has some time for some poor old me?"

"You are as seductive as a stinky mule," Neji told her. "Go train some more before you think about ambushing me." He walked off.

Ino fumed after the Hyuuga. "How dare he! I'll get him for this!"

Shikamaru scratched his head. "How troublesome. They always say a woman's wrath is the most frightful thing."

* * *

"Yahoo!" Kiba howled as he and his team soared through the trees. "I bet we're the first to get to the tower! Our ploy with the jumping leaches was brilliant. Right Shino?"

"...Yes."

"Aw man, you're too quiet." Kiba grumbled. Then Akamaru caught something. "Hm? What's this smell? It reeks of fresh blood! Hinata, can you look what's up two o'clock, about a kilometer or so?"

Hinata did so, and gasped at the sight she saw, feeling a little faint. "There's a team just up ahead...absolutely massacring at least ten others!"

At this, Shino and Kiba looked uneasy. "Should we check it out?" Kiba asked, unsure.

Shino nodded. "I think that would be wise. But we should take care not to draw any attention to ourselves."

They stealthily approached the sickening smell of blood, until they were safe behind a bush, watching a horrifying scene where a red haired boy from Suna literally crushed three Ame Genin without batting an eyelash.

"Fuck," Kiba swore. "Akamaru's whimpering. We better get out of here!"

"Gaara!" The black clothed, painted Genin protested. "Stop! We don't need to kill anymore! It's unnecessary and frankly, a waste of our time."

"Gaara, please! L-listen to your sister, okay? We're your siblings, right?" The Suna kunoichi tried to reason with the redhead.

But Gaara didn't seem to listen. He continued to squeeze chakra to his fist, glaring a promise of death to the bush in front of the leaf ninja. Team Eight subconsciously gulped in fear. Was this their end?

"Gaara!"

"I got it." Gaara's cool voice broke them out of their shaking. Gaara was now calmly corking his gourd. Then, the three foreigners left, leaving the leaf ninja alone behind the bushes.

Kiba clutched a whining Akamaru to his chest, too scared to speak. The killer intent he had felt was unimaginable. He nearly wet himself at the prospect of him being crushed like an ant like those poor Ame Genin.

Shino was quiet, and tugged on his teammates' sleeves. "Let us go. There is no point in remaining here. We should now stick close and stay out of that team's way."

Yeah. They were going to be wary now. Because that redhead was dangerous. More dangerous than anything any of them had come across. If they had thought this Chuunin exam was going to be a breeze, then they were just proven wrong. This Gaara was a surefire threat.

* * *

Anko was enjoying the last batch of her famous 'Konoha Leaf Dango', aka 99 sticks of dango, exactly enough sticks to fill her stomach nicely and to make a neat leaf pattern on a tree.

"Proctor Mitarashi!" An urgent voice snapped her out of her reverie.

"What is it?" The special Jounin looked down from the little house-tent they set up. "What do you want? It better be something important."

"It is! I mean-" the Chuunin fretted. "Three Genin examinees have been found! They're all dead, and..they all have..all have..."

"Dead?" Anko wasn't too sure about where this was going. "They signed the waiver, didn't they?"

"Yes, but they died before they could sign the waiver!"

"I don't think I follow you."

"Follow me!" The Chuunin hurriedly led the proctor to the scene.

When Anko saw the three corpses, she felt her stomach sink into the bottom of the earth. "Oh, please no."

A few other ninja circling the bodies asked her, "Who could have done this? This is clearly murder!"

"I know of only one person with this style of infiltration." Anko gritted her teeth. "It's _him. _He's back. Warn the Hokage!"

* * *

Team Badass was quiet for once as they sped through the branches. They were almost to the tower, but there was this nagging premonition tugging at the nape of their skulls.

Naruto put up a hand to stop them. Pausing on top of the branches, Sakura and Sasuke wondered why they were stopping.

"What's wrong Naruto?"

Naruto's mouth was set into a grim line. "Someone's following us."

Sasuke and Sakura shared a look. Neither of them had felt anything. "Are you sure?"

"Dead sure. There's a person with extremely evil chakra coming straight towards us at five o'clock." Naruto pointed. "He's underground though, like he's going to sneak up on us." Naruto put his fingers into a ram seal. Concentrating his inner mind's eye onto his surroundings, he felt for the strange chakra again. "Definitely trying to sneak up. He's suppressing his chakra, when he has a lot of it. And by lots, I mean like almost as much as me."

"What do we do? Run? Or wait and divert, or fight?" Sasuke asked.

"Well we're not that' far from the tower." Sakura pointed out. "We can run."

"But this person is running very fast." Naruto kept his eyes tightly closed. "He's skilled. I don't think running's an option guys."

"But if he's really that strong, then fighting's not an option either," Sakura bit her lip. "I think our best shot is to try and divert him while we run for the tower."

"Kage bunshin?"

"Yeah. Formation 3, just like we practiced." Sasuke and Sakura put their hands up in an illusionary seal while Naruto formed his trademark Kage Bunshin seal.

"My my, what's this?" A deep, scratchy voice issued from the shadows. "How did mere Genin like you manage to detect me?"

"Not everyone's a 'mere' Genin," Sakura spat. "You shouldn't underestimate us."

"Perhaps." Stepping into the light, the lone Kusa ninja from before licked his upper lip in anticipation. "Now then, dear Sasuke-kun, would you delight me with a little fight?"

"Hell no." Sasuke stepped back. "You're a freak with a gross tongue. Stay away from me!"

"You are afraid?" The Kusa ninja taunted. "Aren't you the last Uchiha?"

"I am not the last Uchiha. My brother is still out there somewhere." Sasuke replied stubbornly. "Besides, yes, I am a little scared of you. Who wouldn't be? You have the most inhumane tongue ever."

The Kusa-nin frowned. "I see." In a flash, he was behind them all. With a hand that moved so fast none of them caught it flying towards them, he backhanded Sakura to a tree, not even giving her the opportunity to scream.

Naruto and Sasuke jumped away the moment their teammate went flying. "Sakura!" Naruto screamed. "You!" He reached and pulled out several of his exploding tags tied to kunai. With as much force as he could muster, he threw it at the lone foreigner. The Grass-nin dodged, but Sasuke was right behind him.

"Take this bastard!" Sasuke stabbed the ninja in the back. But instead of bleeding and crying out in pain, the ninja simply puffed into a log. "Naruto! Where is he?"

Naruto concentrated, then pointed to underneath the ground, three feet away. "There! He's trying to sneak up on us again!"

The Kusa-nin slowly rose from the ground. "I see. How very rare." He chuckled, and the others trembled in fear. Sakura pushed off the ground and wiped the blood from her lips. "You're a sensor. Such beings are not very common in Fire." He reached up and touched the skin around his eyes.

Knees weak, the Genin readied themselves for his next attack, but what hit them was beyond any of their expectations.

Fear. Unadulterated revulsion shook their core as they were enveloped with overwhelming killer intent, at least ten times greater than the one they felt from Zabuza. Just by meeting his eyes, Naruto Sasuke and Sakura were brought to their knees as they watched images of themselves being killed and slashed and gutted, the hallucination so real, everything feeling as if it were being done to themselves at that very moment.

Sasuke balked, then threw up onto the ground. Sakura felt tears gathering in her eyes. She was so scared, scared, scared... The air was suffocating and she couldn't breathe...

Naruto was frozen to his spot. He couldn't move. He couldn't think. He just knew he had to get away, but this fear was so deep and heavy he already felt despair and hopelessness setting in. It was _impossible_ to get away. It was useless to try. But give up? He couldn't give up! That would be hypocritical, having proclaimed that giving up is the worst thing a ninja can do in any situation in just the previous exam. Damnit! Move, move!

Sasuke clawed at his throat. The burning sensation of his stomach contents was nothing compared to what he was feeling now. Had this been minutes or hours? Or days? Or was he just deluded, and mere seconds had past? Whatever it was, he had to move. Move! He could dimly understand that their enemy was pointing three very sharp kunai at their foreheads, about to impale their brains to mush. No! He had to move! Move move move move move...

He managed to pull out his own dagger and run it through his thigh. Focusing on the pain, he deflected the three kunai with his shuriken and made a run for it with Naruto and Sakura both on his arms.

Orochimaru ripped his disguise off and licked his lips. Sasuke was very interesting. It seemed worth it to go after them.

…

Panting, Sasuke was on all fours as he tried to regain his breath. Naruto and Sakura both were coughing and hacking. "What the hell was that? It was like he immobilized us with just his K.I! Are you alright Sakura?" Naruto wiped his face with his hands then turned to his battered teammate.

She nodded. "I'm fine. Just a little bruised. Thanks Sasuke. If it weren't for you we'd never have made it out of there."

Naruto shakily let out a breath. "You saved us back there, dude. Thanks."

Sasuke shook his head, trying to catch his words without sounding like he just ran a 100-meter sprint. "It's what friends are supposed to do."

"How did you do that though? Move under his pressure?" Naruto inquired, naturally curious. "I didn't even see him throw the kunai at us!"

Sakura gently pushed some ebony locks away from Sasuke's sweating face and gave a little scream at what she saw. "Sasuke- your eyes!"

Sasuke blinked. "My eyes?"

Trembling, Sakura handed him a kunai. Naruto leaned forward and caught sight of Sasuke's face. He blew a low whistle. "I gotta be thankful to your ancestors now, Sasuke. Cuz they just saved us."

Peering into the shining surface, Sasuke choked at what he saw. Blood red irises with two tomoe swirled almost lazily in the middle of his eyes. The sharingan.

"Sharingan," he breathed. "How? I thought it was almost impossible to have two bloodline limits.."

Sakura wasn't paying attention. She screamed. "Hebi!"

Naruto cursed as he grabbed his friend and jumped out of the way just as the snake's huge jaws smashed the branch they had been standing on to splinters. "I'm a freakin sensor! How'd I not know this thing was coming?" Sasuke just barely managed to get away.

"Well, you were quite shaken, Naruto-kun." The creepy voice was there again.

Naruto chalked up then stood. He pointed to the long haired ninja. "Who the freak are you and how do you know our names? Why are you attacking us?"

"I suppose it's time to introduce myself." Orochimaru stepped closer, revealing his true face. "My name is Orochimaru. I am here for you Sasuke-kun." He licked his lips and stared at Sasuke provocatively. Team Badass quaked at his identity. "If you agree to come with me, then I'll spare your friends' little lives."

"As if." Sasuke didn't even hesitate. He gave Orochimaru a double middle finger. "If I were still the same weak little lonely Uchiha I might have considered your offer. Because my friends mean a lot to me. But you know what? My teammates and I already established long time ago that we're all better together, or not at all. Bring it on, snake-freak!"

Orochimaru frowned. This wasn't going the way he planned it. Sasuke was way more liberal than he had intended things to be. This wasn't good. If he couldn't convince Sasuke to come with him freely, then his only other option would be to kidnap him, and that didn't suit his motives very well either. "In that case, die."

"I don't think so!" Naruto yelled. "You may be the great Snake Sannin, but we're going to be more legendary than you, so..get used to it."

"Oh really?" Faster than the speed of sound, Orochimaru was behind Sakura. She screamed, feeling Orochimaru's slimy touch on her neck. Orochimaru gripped her slender neck with his tongue, then punched her hard twice in the stomach.

Naruto and Sasuke sprung to action. Making mass shadow clones, Naruto charged, hurling thousands of shuriken aimed directly at the snake-sannin. Sasuke threw ninja wire around Orochimaru's feet, tying him to the ground.

Orochimaru laughed at their attempt. "You forget that I'm holding a hostage," He twisted and put Sakura in line of fire. Naruto didn't flinch. Sakura puffed out of existence and the Sannin stared at his empty hands for less than a second before Sasuke yanked hard on the wires and brought Orochimaru crashing to the ground in shock. Surprised, the Sannin jumped, making a move to retreat a few steps when another hidden wire, looping around his ankle, brought him pummeling back to the forest floor.

Not wasting his time, Sasuke sped through his hand seals. "**Katon: Goukyaku no Jutsu!**" Gushing hot flame surrounded the Sannin, it's intensity growing to a near white hot blaze, scorching everything in proximity.

Orochimaru's eyes grew round. This level of control and manipulation was nearly that of the Third Hokage's fire jutsu. Was Sasuke so talented that he was able to manipulate his fire element so well? Or was it something else?

"Not finished yet!" Naruto appeared from above. Reaching for his special exploding tags, he attached them to kunai and flung hundreds of them at the Sannin. "Die!" Hands in one seal, he detonated all his tags, creating a massive explosion and a shockwave that eventually quelled all the flames.

Naruto landed near Sasuke. Sakura massaged her neck, brushing off the soot from her clothes. "I hate that everyone always seem to underestimate the girl. Why me?"

"Sorry about that. Did we get him?" Sasuke urgently asked.

Naruto focused, then cursed. "No. It's pretty much impossible for us to take on a Sannin alone. Best make a run for it now."

"I don't think so." Orochimaru stood from the ashes, completely unharmed. "**Doton: Bunshin** comes in very handy in these kinds of situations. I can teach it to you, Sasuke-kun, if you come with me? Don't you want power to avenge your clan?"

"Bullshit. I don't have an earth element. Besides, I want to find my brother and ask why he did everything, not blindly rush into revenge. What am I, a little pansy so coddled by the village that I think I have a right to go off being melodramatic when everyone else is busy doing their duty to the village?" Sasuke scoffed. "The explanation can be applied to you, though. You did leave your village after all."

"I am not a pansy that was coddled by the village!" Orochimaru said heatedly, for once breaking his cool. "Just because I was the favorite of the Third and defected right after I didn't get my aspired Hokage position doesn't mean I was being a sore loser or anything."

Naruto taunted. "Did ya hear that Sasuke? He was being a sore loser. We never said anything about being a sore loser, we just said he was being melodramatic, which isn't necessarily a bad thing."

Orochimaru blinked. "It isn't? I thought you were implying that it was."

"Actually, we all try to be melodramatic ourselves," Sakura helpfully put in her input. "You see, the reason why you failed to become Hokage is because you were simply too boring. You needed more drama in your life. Maybe then you might have stuck to the village and done your job with passion."

"Ugh, don't get me started on passion now, you little girl," Orochimaru made a disgusted sound. "I am about the most passionate man in the entire world. And with this passion, I will follow you to the ends of the earth, Sasuke-kun, until you accept me."

Sasuke gagged. "Are you gay? I'm not into fifty-year old men with long tongues and stretchy necks, sorry."

"That's not what I mean!" Orochimaru insisted, feeling out of character more and more by the second. He had to wrap this up and give Sasuke the cursed seal before things got too out of hand. "Anyways, I hope this will make you come at me more seriously, dear Sasuke-kun." Smiling his ominous smile, Orochimaru held up the Earth scroll.

"When did he-!" Sakura searched frantically in her pouch and pack. "Oh no! I'm so sorry guys!"

Orochimaru smirked at the growing panic in the Genin's eyes. He concentrated a bit of his chakra into his palm, then set the precious scroll aflame. Naruto made a little pained sound, but otherwise, no one reacted.

Orochimaru had been expecting them to lose control and charge angrily. But clearly it wasn't his day. Nothing was going as planned. "Well? Aren't you going to attack me? I thought you guys just said being melodramatic was your thing. Come on! Cry, yell, scream, charge at me with all the anger and fury and passion you have. Let's see what you've got!"

Naruto nodded solemnly. "That's a great idea, except, when it comes to living and being dramatic, I think anyone would choose to live. Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" Over a thousand copies of Naruto appeared. "Henge!" Bursting into transformations of his teammates, hundreds of Naruto, Sasuke and Sakuras broke apart into teams. "Formation 3 guys!"

Sasuke and Sakura put their hands together for an illusion. Having _two_ illusionary types on the team was a great advantage. "**Genjutsu: Confusion!**"

Orochimaru let the illusion sweep over him, interested to see what the Genin had come up with. To his immense surprise, the hundreds of Team 7 had disappeared, except for the one real team in the center of the burnt clearing. He paused, then laughed. "What's this? I don't think your illusion worked!" He charged straight for the group in the center, only faltering when the three Genin smirked, then _peeled_ away from the second group of Team 7, which, to the sannin's best knowledge, had not been in existence when he charged at them.

The first group jumped into the trees to his right. Orochimaru halted in his run, unsure of what to do. Go after them? Or stay here? He refocused his gaze onto the second group standing there. Then, they _peeled_ off the third group, and ran for his left. Then the third group peeled off the fourth, and ran straight North. Then the fifth group peeled off and jumped up to the branches, running away to the South. Then the sixth ran to the Northeast, the seventh ran to the southwest, then Northwest, Southeast, then North north east, South south west...

Hundreds of clones, hundreds of duplicate teams, all peeling off one another and heading in different directions. Orochimaru stood, dazed at the sight, then clapped his face. "Kai!" he muttered, feeling the cool wash of the illusion dissipate. Once it did disappear however, nothing changed. Thousands of clones still headed for multiple directions all at once. They were real. He had dispelled the illusion too late.

He inwardly admired their ploy. Their tactic had left him befuddled and confused. He had convinced himself what was reality and what was illusion, despite the fact that it had happened less than two seconds ago, just because he saw it so. Such illusion targeting the eyes, and combining it with real clones, was a terrifying combo.

So what now? He knew he couldn't make all those clones to chase after each and every team. He had failed. His chance to taint Sasuke with his Curse seal was gone, but there would be another. Either way, the Kyuubi brat and his teammates had been very interesting. He would track them down later.

Right now, he could already guess they didn't head north, because he burned their scroll and there was no point in going to the tower anyways, without anything to go through the gates. That left around a few hundred other possibilities, but that was alright.

He'd see them in the finals.

* * *

Currently heading directly North, Sasuke and Sakura covered for their teammate from front and back, moving through the trees in an straight line formation. "How is it, Naruto?" Sakura asked, worried. "Did we get away?"

Naruto's brows furrowed in deep concentration, then smoothed out. "Whew. Thought we'd never get away. Yeah, we're safe now. Snake-freak took our bait. He's heading for South, obviously thinking we'd trick him up and take the far route behind him, thinking we've set up reverse psychology...haha! This is reverse reverse psychology! He didn't think 'mere Genin' could be this smart, did he?"

"Are all your clones still intact?" Sasuke asked. "Are you going to dispell them?"

"Not until we get to the tower. He's still chasing a few clone teams with clones of his own. We're getting farther and farther away though, which is good." Naruto grinned. "Great acting back there guys. He probably thought we were going to go opposite from the tower, since we have no scroll."

Sakura tossed her head back, smiling proudly. "Why thank you Naruto. I know I was awesome." She tapped the expanse of smooth skin on the side of her stomach, and a scroll poofed into existence. "It was a good idea to make some copies and keep them in our packs, to fool our opponents."

"I guess I won't be needing this now," Sasuke pulled out his fake Heaven's scroll. "I think I'll throw it down there, to make some hopeful Genin think they're lucky." He threw it down to the ground, where it landed with a soft plop.

Naruto laughed. "You're impossible Sasuke. That's so mean. Planting false hope, huh?"

Sasuke smirked. "I try." He then gestured to his torn up thigh. "I think we should hurry up. It's a good thing Naruto's smart enough to add this gash on every single one of my copies, but Orochimaru might find out that no blood's dripping from it."

"True." Naruto and Sakura agreed, and with Naruto still keeping a watch on any chakra signals, the three quickened their pace toward the tower.

A few moments later after traveling in silence, Naruto felt a terrible headache crawl up his skull from the nape of his neck. Feeling dizzy, he tried to steady himself, but lost purchase on the wood branches, wavered, and fell twenty feet down to the hard cold ground.

Sakura and Sasuke stopped mid jump, shocked. They rushed to Naruto's side. "Naruto! What's wrong?" Sakura frantically searched Naruto's face. Naruto's blue eyes were closed, unconscious.

Sasuke felt for Naruto's pulse. It was steady and strong, but slightly erratic. "He's just out cold, but I don't know why. Aw damn it! What's going on?"

"I don't know, but we should just speed up our pace and hurry to the tower before anything." Sakura gathered Naruto up and leaned him against her shoulders. "We're practically blind without Naruto. Keep your senses up and alert. Come on Sasuke!"

They jumped back into the trees and pumped more chakra into their feet, doubling their pace. Afraid of what was going on with their friend, and in a hurry to report Orochimaru's appearance to the higher ups, Sasuke and Sakura continued their run without a word.

Meanwhile, Naruto sat up in a dark, cold sewer.

"Where the heck is this place?" Standing and trying to wipe some of the murky water off his skin, Naruto looked around for anything familiar. Seeing nothing, he shrugged and began to walk.

"I don't have any equipment with me, no Sasuke, no Sakura...is this an illusion?" He put his hands together and tried to release, but it didn't work. "Hm, doesn't seem like it."

Naruto started walking. "Hello? Anyone here?"

A low growling sound issued from the far dark hallway. Naruto peered at the darkness, unable to see anything beyond that. "Someone there?" His curiosity getting the better of him, he went against his better instincts and teetered up the dark hallway, after a while, turning left into a dark, wide room. "Just where is this place?" Naruto walked up to the tall bars set in the end of the room and examined them. They didn't seem like metal, but they weren't wood either. He glanced up, and saw a big piece of paper taped to the bars. It read, "seal."

Quirking his head with unsaid questions, Naruto leaned against the bars, only to scream and jump a quarter of a second before a huge pair of claws rammed into the space between the bars where he'd been at.

Dark malevolent eyes glittered in the dim light, and red evil chakra suddenly loomed over him. Naruto screamed. "What the freak? What the hell? What the hell are you?"

The creature's lips pulled back, revealing giant yellow, extremely sharp teeth. **"Hello Naruto. I am Kyuubi. We meet at last."**

* * *

Hope you enjoyed the chapter. This humor is a big leap for me in genre, and I need some sort of assurance/constructive criticism in order for me to keep it going. But thank you so much guys. I love you all for reading. Please continue to support this fic. Your support is much appreciated:)

-Hulk


	8. Preliminaries

Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me.

UPDATED: 3/31/11

* * *

Naruto's scream reverberated through the sewer. He could hear the echos down the passages.

Kyuubi laughed. The sound was so terrifying and rumbling it shook the ceiling and brought bits of plaster raining down onto Naruto's messy blonde hair. "You seem so surprised."

"Where the hell am I?" Naruto yelled and scrambled away as far as possible. "The Kyuubi? The Yondaime Hokage killed the Kyuubi the day I was born. What are you a spirit?"

Kyuubi grinned, looking more evil than ever. "No. But I am your worst nightmare."

...

* * *

Naruto screamed and bolted upright in his bed. Sweat trailed down his face, and he wiped a shaky hand across his forehead, too stunned to do much else. Two figures, both of which had been conversing quietly in the other side of the room, rushed to his side, evidently worried.

"What's wrong Naruto? Are you feeling alright?" Sakura asked, bending down to check on Naruto's pallid face. "You just fell unconscious while traveling here! We were so worried!"

Naruto stared back at his friends' face like he wasn't seeing anything. He had just learned the truth. Everything. Everything about the Kyuubi, everything that had happened, and how the Kyuubi was very intent on getting out of Naruto as soon as possible, or, if impossible, make his life as miserable as he could.

It seemed like his tongue was malfunctioning for once. They always said he would be talkative till the end, but hey, he was completely shut up this time. If only his instructors from the academy could see him now.

Sasuke and Sakura shared looks. Naruto was in a daze, his eyes glazed and staring at the air in between the three of them. Sasuke left to fetch Kakashi.

Sakura waved her hand in front of his face. "You in there?"

Naruto shook his head like he was trying to shake some bad feeling off. "I just had a nightmare."

"You did?" Sakura searched his face. Since when did happy, preppy Naruto get nightmares? "What was it about?"

The doorknob clicked and the door fell open. "Naruto? Are you up?" Kakashi and Sasuke entered the room. "Sasuke said you were a bit shaken."

"He just had a nightmare," Sakura explained. "About what Naruto? About Orochimaru? It was pretty scary."

"Not about Orochimaru." Naruto rubbed his face with his hand. "It was about the Kyuubi no Yoko, who told me that he is currently inhabiting my stomach and that he hates my parents most in the world for sealing him into me."

Kakashi froze. No way. Did Naruto come into contact with the Kyuubi? The Third told him something like this could happen if Naruto was emotionally distressed, or was in a dangerous situation. Encountering Orochimaru was indeed a dangerous situation, but he heard Naruto was fine during their fight. It was after he moved away from Orochimaru that he fainted.

But crap. Sakura and Sasuke were hearing this, when they shouldn't! First, was Naruto believing this to be the truth? Or was this just a scary nightmare for him?

"Your parents?" Sasuke frowned. "But it was the Fourth Hokage who confronted the Kyuubi and killed him. Why would your parents have anything to do with it?"

"According to the fox, the Fourth Hokage is my father, apparently. Who wants a flasher for a dad?" Naruto closed his eyes and put a hand on his stomach, concentrating.

"This is just a dream." Sakura concluded. "How can there be a demon sealed inside of you? The Yondaime killed it long time ago. He didn't seal it."

Naruto lifted his hand off his belly and turned pale. "Uh, actually, I think my dream wasn't really a dream." How had he missed that ball of malevolent chakra lurking in his system? He was a sensor!

Kakashi bit his tongue. Oh no. Not only did Naruto find out that he had the Kyuubi sealed inside him, he found out his heritage, which he wasn't supposed to learn until long after. Crap, the Third was going to give him hell for this.

Sakura and Sasuke looked confused. "What do you mean?" Sasuke asked.

Naruto looked sick. He pointed to his stomach. "I can feel his chakra, right inside of me."

...

After an hour of throwing up and dry heaving, Naruto was finally calm again. In fact, he was better than calm.  
"Guys, can you actually believe that the great Namikaze Minato is really my father?" He crowed, very excited. "Oh. My. God. It's unbelievable! My childhood hero, being my father! I can't believe it! Sakura, slap me so I can tell this isn't all a dream."

Sakura, annoyed with Naruto's endless rambling, reached out and slapped him. Naruto blinked. Then grinned. "YES! Why, E, SS! Yes! I am NOT dreaming! Oh Kami-sama! Woohoo!"

Kakashi groaned. "Naruto, I'm sorry, but could you please keep your volumn down? I don't want the entire tower to find out whose son you really are."

Naruto paused. "The tower? We're in the tower? We made it!" He pumped his fist in the air and howled.

Sasuke rubbed his chin. "Then again, considering how you're the most normal one of our not-so-normal team, I guess this makes sense. It's cool that you have a demon inside of you."

Kakashi slapped his face with his hand. Things just weren't working out his way.

On the other side of Konoha, in the Hokage tower, Sarutobi wasn't having his best day either. "Orochimaru? He's back again? Summon all available Chuunin and Jounin now, tell them we're on emergency alert. Put the entire village on first class security and have the civilian leaders be prepared for an evacuation, in the worst case scenario." He swiveled in his chair and stood up, facing the village through the window. "Where's Anko?"

The messenger Chuunin that had found the three bodies stood sweating. "Uh, she went inside the forest to track down Orochimaru."

"What?" Sarutobi bellowed. "She went in there by herself? Ludicrous! Bear, take your team and go into the Forest of Death and get Anko. Come to the tower."

The Hokage's Anbu dropped from the ceilings and nodded once. Then he vanished.

Sarutobi paced relentlessly, then he turned and saw the Chuunin still sweating there. "Well? Go back to your post. Tell the others that the exams will not be canceled. Continue with the second phase."

The Chuunin looked most relieved to be out of there. "Yes sir."

* * *

Anko was nervous, angry, desperate, and most of all: Pissed. She ran into Team 7 at least eight times. What the hell? Were these kids trying to annoy her or what? Because she kept on running into them, she couldn't concentrate on finding Orochimaru. How did those kids keep finding her, though? If she encountered any more of them, then she had half a mind to disqualify them on the spot.

"Orochimaru you jerk!" She screamed in fury. "Where are you! Show your spineless face right now!" She swung from branches and brandished her famously sharp kunai at dark little corners, but Orochimaru of course, wasn't there to hear her.

Sighing, Anko turned and headed for the tower. It was getting late, and she didn't want to be stuck in the forest all by herself at night. She just hoped the other Genin were safe. First, she had to meet the Hokage and discuss plans. Her curse seal was stinging badly, and she needed help.

Far away in the forest, Orochimaru just tracked down another team of clones when a fit of sneezes overcame him. When he recovered, the team had gotten away. He chased after in a mad frenzy, determined that this was the real group of kids. He had tracked down at least fifty teams in twelve hours and he was sure this group of kids were the real ones.

* * *

"So, we're in the tower, we completed the second phase of the exam in less than a day, came in second, and now we're waiting for another three days for the other kids to complete the exam?" Naruto summed everything that his teammates told him. "That's great!"

Kakashi sighed. "If it only were. Naruto, you need to understand a few things."

Naruto bounded up and down in his bed, still very hyper. "What, what?"

"First, you need to know that all this about the Kyuubi is really an S-class secret, and can only be told by you." Kakashi didn't like what was coming up. "You remember long time ago, when you didn't know Sasuke and Sakura?"

Naruto remembered. It was his dark days. He hated those times. Everybody just seemed to hate him for no reason. "Yeah, what about it?"

"Naruto, the Kyuubi is the reason why all those people hated you. They thought you were the Kyuubi incarnate, when you are actually the hero. The people were too blinded by fear and hatred to see the real you." Kakashi mussed up Naruto's hair. "But some people know the truth. They see Uzumaki Naruto, not the Kyuubi. Like Iruka-sensei, Hokage-sama, Sasuke, Sakura, and myself. Do you see?"

Naruto felt his eyes getting moist and he wiped his eyes. "Yeah. I see."

Kakashi's eyes went soft. "I'll be honest. A lot of people still see you as a monster. But you need to always remember who you really are, and that there are people here who support you. You need to work extra hard to prove to everyone that you're the great future Hokage, Uzumaki Naruto, and make everyone acknowledge you, especially because of your..predicament. Understand?"

"I do." Naruto ran up and hugged his sensei.

Kakashi fixed his other two students with a serious eye. "You guys too. I already know you won't treat Naruto any differently because of his condition, but always remember that this is an S-class secret, and never speak of this to anyone. Got it?"

Sasuke and Sakura nodded solemnly.

"Oh and one more thing," Kakashi pointed to the door. "I really tried to tell them that you're the victim, but they just don't get it. Try not to drive them bats, will you? They may be a little irritating, but they're still my darling kouhais (juniors)."

"Come to think of it, there's two ninja right outside the door, funny I didn't really notice till now." Naruto cocked his head, feeling the suppressed chakra on the other side of the wall. "What do they want?"

A knock resounded, then two figures, swathed in tight fitting armor and faces masked with porcelain animal masks, entered the room. "Uzumaki Naruto. You will come with us for questioning."

…

A dark robed ANBU stood in front of Naruto in a dim empty room, who was sitting in a chair. "Exactly what happened to you in the Forest of Death?"

Naruto picked his nose. "Don't you know already? Why are you asking me? It's not as if I know more than my teammates."

The ANBU didn't speak as he silently watched Naruto flick a piece of something gooey into a dark corner of the interrogation room. "We have indeed questioned your teammates already."

"Then let us move on instead of wasting both our time with inane questions." Naruto sat up and crossed his fingers in front of his face. He loved acting like Sasuke's serious mode. It made other people edgy.

The ANBU, who happened to be a captain, bristled at the comment. "Very well. In that case, is it true that you fought against Orochimaru?"

"Well technically my team and I all fought against Orochimaru, not just me, but I guess that you can say we did fight him." Naruto mused. "Though, snake-freak pretty much dominated the fight, so not really much of a fight at all."

"Are you aware that Orochimaru is one of the legendary Sannin? How did you get away from him?"

"Isn't that question pretty much the same question as the first one?" Naruto patted his stomach. "We used a genjutsu to run away."

"That is near incomprehensible. How could Genin have tricked a Sannin with a genjutsu?"

"Simple. We combined real life elements with the illusion. In this case, we used Kage Bunshin at the same time."

The ANBU didn't mention it, but he was impressed. Just as Orochimaru had. The kid was just a Genin, but he had more guts and balls than most shinobi he ever saw. Here he was, just a small boy, sitting in the middle of questioning in a dim room with ANBU, the most terrifying forces of Konoha. And yet, he was picking his nose and even managing to sound like a smartass. If his skills are just as up to bat, and his teammates are up to par, then he had more than half a mind to recruit them into ANBU.

"Illusion? Who's the genjutsu types in your team? What type of illusion was used?" He really wanted to know.

"While this has nothing to do with the situation and therefore totally off topic, Sasuke and Sakura are both illusion types." Naruto picked at his ear this time. "It's this illusion the two of them came up with to match our combo. Anything else?"

"Did Orochimaru mention anything? Even something small is fine. Anything you can recall."

Naruto pondered for a bit, then said, "He said he wasn't a pansy."

"...Pardon?"

"He said he wasn't a pansy. Oh, and he also wanted to elope with Sasuke. I think he's gay. You should watch out for him. He also called me rare."

"...Rare?"

Naruto shrugged. "I'm a sensor. It turns out sensors are rare around here."

Rather than getting irked by the useless responses he was getting, he was starting to really like the kid and his set of abilities. "Oh? And did you say anything to him in return?"

Naruto thought again. "I told him that he was a gay snake-freak and that we're going to be more legendary than he ever was. And I said the reason why he couldn't be Hokage was because he wasn't melodramatic enough. He really took that to heart."

"...I see. That will be enough then. Thank you for your cooperation."

For the next three days, Team Badass was training. After the fight with Orochimaru, they all looked inward on themselves, and after scrutinizing their current self, decided that they were still weak.

Kakashi thought so too. Only thing was, during the middle of the Chuunin exams the Jounin instructor wasn't allowed to help them in any way possible. But that didn't mean he couldn't talk to them. If someone heard him discreetly giving them critiques on their form and workouts, then he'd smile and ask if they said anything. And his students would deny it all.

Naruto was fed up with how his explosive tags failed against Orochimaru. Although Kakashi assured him that this was because Orochimaru was an exceptionally strong ninja and Naruto simply wasn't experienced enough to go against him at the same level, Naruto put his sealing aside for the moment, and demanded ninjutsu and taijutsu.

Kakashi really couldn't do much about that in their situation, with the no help rule and all, but he did promise Naruto some new techniques.

For now, Naruto Sasuke Sakura worked on increasing their muscle mass, speed, and agility through weight exercises, sprints and spars. Sakura hit the hardest, so no one dared to block a punch from her. That only left dodging, and Sakura wasn't exactly the slowest person in the world, despite the fact that she was a girl. Sparring with her was intense anaerobic training for strength and speed.

Sasuke was different. He was fast, and he was flexible. He moved with grace and precision that helped him maneuver his attacks in a way that made him have near no openings. His style, Kakashi contemplated, was befitting that of a swordsmen. Quick, fast, and deadly. Perhaps some kenjutsu training was in hand.

Naruto, however, was a combination of Sakura and Sasuke. Naruto was speedy and quick, but not as nimble as Sasuke. On the other hand, his hits were dense and had weight. He moved with a flurry of wide arcs that seemed to leave big gaps in his defense. But those gaps were feints, and Naruto moved through scheming attacks with ease.

More and more teams arrived, and on the last day, finally one more team came through the gates, only to be knocked out by the special sleeping seal on the scrolls, that were activated only if they weren't in the tower and if they didn't have the other scroll.

Sasuke snickered at the poor team knocked unconscious, because he knew the Heaven's scroll they had was actually the one he had thrown away.

In total, 21 people, seven teams, made it past the second phase.

Everyone gathered together in the big space with their Jounin sensei, the first and second exam proctors, and the Hokage present.

Sarutobi pushed thoughts of Orochimaru away as he smiled at the examinees. "Good job to all of you! I'm proud that you have made it this far. This Chuunin exam is a means to show off power from each of the respective villages, as a method of assuring peace.

"You have all made it far, but unfortunately, I cannot allow every one of you to progress to the finals. Since the finals are a significant event that invites Daimyos and other lords to witness, only the best of the best will be entered to ensure maximum quality and entertainment." Sarutobi didn't look apologetic. This was life. Nothing was fair, and plans didn't always come into fruition. If you didn't learn how to adapt and adjust, you might as well die early. "Therefore, you will now go through preliminary rounds to eliminate those -ah,- less qualified to enter the Finals, so that our audience would be more thoroughly entertained."

"I suddenly feel like a gigolo." Out came Naruto's offhand comment. The rest of his teammates slapped their foreheads in response. Kakashi included.

Sarutobi ticked, then coughed. "Ahem. From now on, your Final round proctor, Hayate, will explain how this will work."

"Hai, thank you Hokage-sama." A sickly, pale man with major bags under his eyes dropped from the ceiling. "I am Gekko Hayate, your examiner. You will be paired into matches by the computer up there," he gestured with his thumb "and those of you not battling will go up on the second floor to watch. There isn't any real rules, other than you having to fight only your opponent, and not anyone else. Also, if I call a match to a stop, than you must stop. If a person gives up, then their opponent must stop in their attack. Besides this, you can maim, kill, or incapacitate your opponent and I'll call the match accordingly. Understand?"

The group nodded. Hayate scanned the crowd. "Since we have an odd number of people, is there anyone who would like to give up now? This is your chance."

A hand rose from the teams. It was Kabuto. "I'll give up." He had failed. Orochimaru had set him with the mission of observing the Kyuubi-boy, but he couldn't even find them in the second round. The chances of him meeting against Naruto in the prelims were slim. It would be far more tactical to retreat and replan.

Hayate nodded at the Genin. "You may go." And like that, Kabuto exited the building. From the sidelines, Sarutobi and Anko conversed quietly, not really liking the subtle vibe they got from the teen. But they stored it away in their minds for later.

The computer buzzed and flickered to life. Neon yellow blinked two names onto the screen:

**Uzumaki Naruto VS. Akadou Yoroi. **

Naruto cracked his neck. "First one eh? This will be a breeze."

"Idiot. Don't underestimate your opponent." Sasuke punched Naruto in the shoulder. "Better beat him."

"Didn't you just hear me? This will be a breeze." Naruto insisted. He shooed his teammates away. "Go upstairs so I can start fighting, will you?"

"Aren't you an arrogant piece of smack?" Yoroi hated it when little brats thought they had the entire world worshiping their feet. "I'll pound you into mush."

"One question. Did you guys decide to go for the matching look? Who picked out the outfit?" Naruto wrinkled his nose at Yoroi's clothes. "I thought only girls liked to play matching dress up with each other. Are you a girl?"

"Okay, quit talking. Begin!" Hayate brought his hand down.

"I'll get you for that comment!" Yoroi dashed up to Naruto, his palms starting to glow a light blue. "Take this!" He pushed his hand up Naruto's chest.

Naruto looked horrified. Yoroi smirked underneath his veil, thinking his chakra sucking attack had gotten to the blonde. On the other hand, Naruto gagged and slapped his hand away. "Eww! Did you just try to grab my boobs? Unfortunately, I don't have any boobs to spare."

"What the-!" Yoroi backed away and stared at his hands. "Why aren't you affected at all? My chakra absorbing palms should have drained a significant amount of chakra!"

"Oh, is that what you did?" Naruto cocked his head. "I didn't notice."

"Grr, let's see if you escape it a second time!" Yoroi lounged, but Naruto didn't let him feel him up again.

"I don't think so. My goal is to become Hokage one day and I won't let you ruin my reputation you homo!" Naruto dug into his pouch and surreptitiously gathered some tags onto his palms. When Yoroi came close, Naruto ducked under, uppercut a fist into Yoroi's underjaw, twisted, grabbed his neck and smashed his face into the cold stone floor. "How do you like that, homo-boy!"

"Since when did Naruto raise his physical strength that much?" Kakashi asked. "I know you guys focused on muscle building, but that's a lot of strength."

"Oh, it's his tags," Sakura remarked. "He developed tags that helps him to focus chakra into his hands. Kind of like what I do. Only it's less controllable, because it's like putting on gigantic metal gloves, while I actually do the controlling inside my own hands."

Kakashi raised a brow. "That's useful. How come he didn't use it before?" He watched as Naruto climbed on top of a motionless, out cold Yoroi and jumped up and down in childish glee. Hayate carted the two Genin away, one upstairs and one to the medical rooms.

Sasuke shrugged. "Meh, he doesn't like to copy Sakura. He has his own style."

"Fair enough." Kakashi agreed. "Great job Naruto, though it was a bit lacking in the mature area."

Naruto bounded up the stairs. "Well, if you had a gaylord after your manboobs, I bet you would have freaked too, Kakashi sensei."

"Maybe he wasn't gay..." Sasuke trailed off when he saw the computer flickering to life. "Oh, look who it is next."

**Haruno Sakura VS. Tsuchi Kin.**

"My turn," Sakura cackled and cracked her knuckles. "Someone's going down!"

"Don't underestimate your enemy," Sasuke cautioned his teammate, a little annoyed he had to do it again.

Sakura waved it off. "Whatever. I already know that." She jumped onto the railing and leaped onto the stone floor, patiently waiting for the other kunoichi to join her.

When she did, she shot Sakura the most condescending, pointed look manageable. "Oh, a girl with pink hair? What are you, a real kunoichi? Feh, you aren't even worth half my time."

Sensing the growing electricity between the two young girls, Hayate coughed, stepped back and called the match to begin.

Immediately, Kin threw senbon with bells at Sakura, who promptly picked the two out of the air. She gasped, her plan being thwarted the moment Sakura caught the bells _and _the thin wire attached to them.

Sakura wiggled the senbon in her hand. "What's this?" She ripped off the strings from the bells, and Kin's hand jerked from the pull. "Oh? So you had something in mind with this, huh? Didn't think that a Genin would actually catch the senbon, instead of dodging it?" Sakura plucked the bells from the senbon, discarding the needles. She then took a maniacal look at the Sound-nin, and literally ripped the bells apart with a roar. Kin looked horrified. Her only tactic was gone.

Sakura stepped forward with a mad grin. "The fight starts now." She dashed forward and kicked Kin in the stomach, propelling her for a hard hit against the wall. The Sound kunoichi slid to the floor, out cold.

Hayate checked Kin, then announced, "Winner, Haruno Sakura."

"YEAH! GO SAKURA!" Naruto hollered. Sasuke clapped.

"Good job, my favorite student!" Kakashi called.

Naruto and Sasuke pinned their teacher with a glare. "Your favorite student?" Naruto repeated. "I thought I was your favorite student!"

"Why is Sakura your favorite student?" Sasuke demanded. "What about me?"

"Aww. Does it bother you, little devils?" Kakashi snickered. Then Sakura came stomping up the stairs.

"KAKASHI!" She screamed. "Why in the world am I your favorite student? I hate you! You just made a spectacle of me in front of everyone! Now what are people going to think?"

"Don't fuss Sakura sweetie," Kakashi hid his face behind his book. "The computer's rolling again. You don't want to miss the rest of the prelims do you?"

Huffing, but nonetheless curious, Sakura turned to face the screen. Neon yellow lights flashed, then came to a halt with two names, boldly printed on the dark surface.

**Nara Shikamaru VS. Akimichi Chouji**

The leaf ninja went quiet, knowing this was going to be a tough battle. Not physically, but emotionally.

Shikamaru slapped his forehead. Of all people, why Chouji? Man, this was ridiculous. How was he supposed to fight his best friend? This was really troublesome, and his head was starting to hurt.

Asuma grunted and cleared his throat. "Well, I guess this means you guys have to get down there." He fixed his two male students with a awkward smile. "Remember, whatever you do, it doesn't stand against you. You guys are still good friends."

Chouji looked afraid and nervous. He wanted to be a Chuunin, but he didn't want to fight Shikamaru either. What should he do? Should he just give up?

Once the two boys were downstairs, Hayate raised his arm and called the match to begin.

Neither of the contestants moved.

"Um, begin?" Hayate repeated, unsure.

Shikamaru and Chouji just stared at each other for three full minutes. Hayate kept on trying to get a response out of them, but he was thoroughly ignored.

Finally, Chouji spoke up. "Hey, Shika, I know we're friends and all, but..let's do our best. No going easy on each other! Man to man!" He grinned and put a fist right over his heart.

Shikamaru grinned. His leisurely posture with his hands stuck inside his pockets, he stretched his neck and pulled out his hands, shifting into a stance. "I was hoping you'd say that. Come Chouji!"

"Irayaaaaaaah!" Chouji let out a deafening yell as he wove some seals and got fatter and fatter and fatter. Shocked to the core at the sudden bloating, Hayate jumped away to land safely behind the Hokage. Chouji jumped into the air, pulled his appendages in, then started twisting and rolling as one big ball. "MEATBALL Technique!"

"That's a useful technique. You can always count on Chouji to provide emergency food supply," Naruto commented. Sakura and Sasuke looked sick at the implication.

"That's the grossest thing I've ever heard," Sasuke bit out.

Naruto rolled his eyes. "I was talking about his massive food storage, not his literal meat. You guys have dirty minds."

Not even bothering to answer him this time, the team turned back to focus on the match.

Chouji currently had Shikamaru on the run. He was chasing the Nara everywhere, rolling in crazy speeds, forcing Shikamaru to run faster than ever. Shikamaru finally leaped out of Chouji's way and ran underneath the second floor. Chouji howled, "That won't stop me!" and followed him.

Asuma sighed. "That was a really simple tactic. Why did Chouji fall for that?"

Shikamaru used the shadows under the second floor to completely ensnare Chouji from all sides. He had known that he couldn't put a stop to Chouji's roll with his own linear shadow, so he'd maneuvered Chouji here and surrounded him. A rather simple trick, really.

Chouji stopped spinning, and gradually reduced to his own size. He looked around with his eyeballs, and seeing how he was completely trapped, sighed, then grinned. "Great match, Shikamaru, though I didn't really do anything. I know you don't want to hurt me, so I'll just wish you luck in the finals. Great going, Shika." Before Shikamaru could protest, Chouji loudly announced that he was giving up, and Hayate called the match to an end.

At the show of friendship and sportsmanship, the other leaf ninja clapped.

The computer rolled again.

**Hyuuga Hinata VS. Hyuuga Neji**

"Why, this will be interesting. Watch closely, you three. A Hyuuga's taijutsu is one of the most coveted styles in the ninja world. It'll be very educational to study the style now, as the two cousins fight." Kakashi flipped a page in his book.

Hinata heard what was being said, and flinched. She was scared. She didn't want to face her cousin. He was scary and he was angry with her, for some reason. He was full of anger and bitterness and sadness and hate and it was all directed at her. His pale, byakugan eyes were trained on her frightened ones. From behind, she felt the gentle hand of her sensei urging her downstairs.  
"Come on, Hinata. It'll be alright. Just do your best." Kurenai encouraged her most insecure student. "He can't hurt you if you don't allow him to."

"Yeah, go for it Hinata!" Naruto cheered. "Beat that other guy -who looks like you- so that he never wants to fight you again!"

Emblazoned by Naruto's cheer, but still somewhat unsure, Hinata made her way down to the first floor. Neji was already waiting for her. Impatient, he twitched a brow at her slow descent.

When she approached, he said, "Why do you look so fearful Hinata-sama? Why is it that you tremble? A pitiful excuse of a Hyuuga you are."

"Oi! Stop talking to her like that you prat!" Naruto yelled. "I don't know you but I know Hinata well enough to know she doesn't deserve to hear any of that crap! Hinata, beat his ass to next week!"

"GO Hinata!" Sakura screamed. "Come on Sasuke, yell! Hinata!"

"Yay Hinata," Sasuke called. He looked skeptically at his friends. "Do I have to do this?"

If looks could kill. At the glares his teammates sent him, Sasuke turned right back around and clapped his hands together and whooted with all his might. "Whoo! Go Hinata! Go go go! Yeah!"

Emboldened by her friends' cheers, Hinata activated her Byakugan and faced her cousin. "Cousin Neji. It's true that I am afraid. But I don't believe that fear is a sufficient reason for you to call me a failure. Everyone is afraid. I respect you and understand your strength, so it's only natural that I'm awed and fearful of you."

Hinata's sincere words had Neji scowling. What was the heiress playing at? She didn't understand. He was branch family, and was forever destined to be caged inside the clan, forced to do the main family's bidding. She had such freedom and she didn't know how to properly appreciate it. "Enough talk. Let's fight."

Eyes narrowed. Hinata and Neji slid into their stances as tension gathered into thick veiny strands around their white eyes.

Somewhere in the dojo, Hayate called out "begin!" but no one paid him any notice. Then, Hinata moved.

She moved with speed and grace, her knees bending and her palms pulsing with chakra as she made a jab for Neji's abdomen.

Neji danced out of the way and retaliated with a strike of his own.

Soon both were fighting and wisps of chakra floated in the air, the audience enraptured by their flowing dance and burning determination.

However, despite Hinata's iron will to prove herself, Neji was too strong to be beaten by a girl who was, at best, minimally talented. Neji's Juuken sent her flying across the floor and she landed with a painful thump, not getting up again.

Neji wiped off his hands and calmly walked back up to the viewers' floor, where Naruto and Sakura glared at him balefully. "Presumptuous jerk," Naruto muttered darkly. "I swear I'll repay what he did to Hinata tenfold in the finals."

Kurenai watched Neji with a dark and disapproving eye. The boy didn't seem fazed at all. Well, it was a ninja battle, and although she might feel that Hinata didn't have to be roughed up that badly, Hinata was a kunoichi. It's a part of ninja life. She supposed she couldn't hold that against him.

But at least the brat could act a little sympathetic towards his younger cousin.

The computer flickered again and lit up with new names.

**Uchiha Sasuke VS. Inuzuka Kiba**

"Finally," Sasuke grumbled. "I'm the last one to go in my team. I was halfway bored to death."  
"Don't underestimate your opponent," Kakashi gently reminded him. "Though I have utmost faith you won't fail me. Oh, no offense, Kurenai."

A little annoyed, Kurenai bent down to Kiba's level and whispered in his ear. "Show the Uchiha what you have in store." Kiba's eyes lit up excitedly.

Once the two were down on the first floor, Kiba felt a strong urge to assert his dominance.

"Look at this, it's the last Uchiha! I'm about to beat the last Uchiha! Man, mom's gonna be proud of me." He guffawed. To his right, Akamaru barked his agreement.

Sasuke had a strong urge to pick his nose, just to see what Kiba's reaction would be if he flicked some of his boogers onto his rather, furry jacket.

"Ahem. If the contestants are ready, then let's get this match started." Hayate paused before slicing the air with his hand. "Begin!"

The moment Hayate's hand went down, Sasuke lunged, kicked poor Akamaru away with an upward kick –the poor doggy yipped in pain before flying twenty feet across the dojo and into a wall- and swung his fist into kiba's stomach in the same movement.

As both nin and dog went flying, Sasuke took a split second to recompose, before jerking into action, his blows blurry with speed. He punched Kiba twice in the face, grabbed the Inuzuka by one wrist and twisted it until he heard a pop –and a howl- and then kicked Kiba up into the air before delivering a savage lion's barrage against Kiba's abdomen. The moment Akamaru hit the wall and slid unconscious to the cold tiled floor, Kiba was also knocked out cold. Sasuke had kept everything quick and simple, no fancy jutsu, fancy techniques to give him away. Well, maybe he gave away his speed and reflexes, but those couldn't really be used against him.

Kakashi whistled lowly as Sakura and Naruto cheered. "Sasuke's always been practical. And ruthless."

Everyone else was quiet as Hayate quietly announced Sasuke as the winner. One other person across the second floor was twitching, overcome with the need to spill the Uchiha's blood.

Temari nervously tried to calm Gaara down. "Please Gaara. You're most likely going to go against him in the finals. Please wait until then," she begged. Kankuro also did his best to help without trying to get Gaara even angrier.

"Y-yeah, Gaara, if you lash out right now, you'll blow our cover... we have a mission...please listen to us..."

To both of Temari and Kankuro's immense relief and subsequent horror, the computer flickered with two names.

**Gaara VS. Rock Lee**

As the two Suna siblings expected, the match did not go very well.

Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, and Gai's furious roar reverberated the building as Gaara mercilessly crushed Lee's arm and leg. Before an unconscious Lee could attempt to sleepfight Gaara, Gai stepped in and stopped the match.

Naruto jumped down to see Lee. He wasn't exactly Lee's friend, but Lee was a good guy, and a comrade of the Leaf village. How dare Gaara do this to him? It was just a preliminary battle!

"You," Naruto ground out, shooting daggers at Gaara with his sharp blue eyes, "None of us are going to forget what a coldhearted bastard you are, so you better get ready for the finals. I'm gonna pound some sense into you! You're absolutely psychotic! Get a grip!"

Gaara didn't look fazed. He started walking away when Naruto's next words ripped into him despite all the sand armor he had on him.

"Your attitude is precisely the reason why you don't have any friends, jackass."

Next battle was Kankuro Vs. Misumi. Kankuro won.

The battle between Ino and Dosu of the sound village was too pitiful to be mentioned. Ino was carried out of the building by a group of medic nin and her teacher palmed his face.

Shino beat up Zaku with his freaky cool bugs. Naruto nearly fainted when Shino brought out his "trump card." ("It's soooo cool! Shino's so cool!")

The last battle, Tenten VS. Temari was noted with sadness and cruelty. As the day ended, each representative from each village eyed the two teams that had managed to send in all of their members to the finals.

Team Suna, and Team Badass.

Everyone rushed out the door to begin training.

* * *

Sorry I'm late. The site wouldn't let me publish. I had this done since weeks ago. And I was busy with the new semester and all. This chapter was longer though. Took me forever to put in all the matches. After a couple of more chapters on the chuunin exams there will be one massive time skip, and then the real plot will kick in. Great going guys and thanks for being patient!

Oh, and please don't take offense with that homosexual joke. It's a really stupid thing to say, I know. I'm just making Naruto as teenagerish as possible, and teens have a way of being callous and rude without meaning to.

One more thing, does anyone know how I can get my own website without the host's name on my URL? My friends tell me I need to buy my own domain or something...but how?

Please poll...I have a new one up...

and REVIEW! (I will be back soon!)


	9. OH YEAH! OH YEAH!

Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me.

UPDATED: 6/29/11

I am sorry this is so late. I just finished my AP tests, my State Standard Tests, SAT II subject tests, Finals, Final Projects, and most of my summer homework. I am now free (or almost free), and since I will be extremely busy next school year, I will be writing like crazy during the summer so I can still update periodically. Thanks for loving guys!

Review!

* * *

"!"

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched.

"!"

Sakura seriously contemplated whether there was a rock big enough in the world to hurl at the idiot.

"!"

Kakashi kept on reading his porn.

"!"

"Gaah!" Sasuke broke first. "For the last time, you cannot perform chidori! Stop making that constipated expression, you're going to burst a blood vessel."

"!" Naruto ignored him. He instead focused intently on his right palm, hoping to see crackling energy come into being.

Sakura finally lost it and grabbed the closest thing she could reach and threw it at the blonde's head. Unfortunately, as Sakura happened to be perched on top of a rather big boulder, with Kakashi leaning against it, what she had grabbed was Kakashi's hair.

When Naruto and Kakashi collided, Naruto shot a glare at Sakura. "Do you mind? I'm on my way to mastering the greatest jutsu that our teacher has to teach, the one and only, the original work of Hatake Kakashi, CHIDORI!"

"Yeah, the only problem is that you can't even produce lightning chakra, let alone master a high level technique like the chidori," Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Could you please stop wasting our time? We've only got a two weeks left you know."

Kakashi stood up and brushed off his clothes. He was used to their abuse by now. Right after he had taught Sasuke the chidori, said boy had wanted to find out if the bits of electrical charge coming off the sides could shock someone, so had "accidentally" zapped Kakashi out cold for a few hours.

Actually, Kakashi could have avoided that one, being an elite Jounin and all (cough cough), but then Naruto had to come around and grab onto his arms and legs begging to learn the technique too, even though he'd told all of them you need lightning element to ever learn the jutsu. Because Naruto was clinging onto him, Naruto was zapped as well, but the freakin kid had the Kyuubi, so recovered in an hour.

But then Sakura came around with the lunchboxes she picked up, saw Naruto unconscious on the ground, immediately thought Kakashi beat Naruto up, and so beat up poor Kakashi's limp and unconscious body until it was black and blue. When Kakashi woke up, he had wondered why he was feeling so sore.

But as a teacher, he couldn't just let them go off insubordinate. Hem hem. "Now, my dear students, the chidori isn't the only technique I can teach you. I have mastered over a thousand tech-"

Naruto screamed as evil Sasuke zapped him again, just with a weaker charge. "I hate you Sasuke!"

Sasuke grinned then looked over at Sakura. She shook a fist at him. "If you come closer-" She started screaming as Sasuke ran after her with his arms outstretched, lightning energy surrounding his skin.

Naruto turned back to his teacher. "So I really can't learn this thing?"

Kakashi flipped open his book. "Nope."

Naruto flapped his arms. "But my awesome melodramatic superhero Hokage senses are telling me this is a must-know tech!"

"Too bad."

Naruto cursed as Kakashi rummaged around his pockets and brought out a bookmark. "Now, Naruto, don't be so upset. You're already extremely advanced. I don't think you need any real training to get through the final exam."

"That's weak sauce!" Naruto exclaimed. "I don't just want to show how good I am, I want to show how supremely and ginormously and amazingly and fantastically outclassed everyone else is compared to me! That's how you make good impressions, you know. It's to let everyone know that I expect to be on the top ten list of potential future Hokages after this exam."

Kakashi clapped his book shut and rubbed his chin. "Well, I think all you need to do is polish a few areas you're pretty weak in, like what Sakura did. Sasuke only learned the chidori because he was a bit lacking in his Jutsu arsenal. You, on the other hand, make up your lack of Jutsu with a whole bunch of different seals and whatnot."

"So what do you think I need more help in? Come on, I'm waiting. It's been almost two weeks and I only have another two weeks left!" Naruto complained.

"Well, if you listened to me first instead of trying to learn the chidori for the last couple of days, we'd already be somewhere," Kakashi muttered under his breath. "Okay, so you definitely need more speed and chakra control."

"Ehhh? Chakra control?" Naruto whined. "But I did so much of that to graduate from the academy! I don't wanna do it again. I've gotten tons better at it too, you know."

"Even so, you can do even better. Compared to Sakura and Sasuke, you're like a rock trying to float on water the way a leaf does."

"Then what about my speed?" Naruto pouted. "I have pretty good speed."

Kakashi coughed and put his hand on his hip, wagging his other finger at the blonde boy. He said in a deep, grave voice, "Naruto, complaining won't get you anywhere."

Naruto looked grouchy but nodded.

Kakashi looked up into the sky. "Speed is an aspect of ninja life you should always try to improve on. One ninja I respect the most in the world had incredible speed. He was so fast. Even very strong ninja fell before him, because he took them out before they could even do anything. If you want to be as powerful like that ninja someday, you should definitely focus on speed."

Totally inspired, Naruto nodded enthusiastically. "Okay, okay! Tell me what to do, sensei!"

Happy his student was listening, Kakashi happily ruffled Naruto's hair. "Great! First things first, go fetch your teammates, will you? I think Sakura's about to kill Sasuke." Far away in the distance was a scream and a grinding sound.

Naruto ran after his friends and tackled them from afar. Kakashi watched as more screams ensued and sighed a deep breath.

...

...

"Alright everyone, welcome to speed training." Kakashi clapped his hands.

"What are we going to do, Kakashi sensei?" Sakura asked.  
"I am going to introduce you to a dear friend of mine." Kakashi's eye shaped up to an upside down U.

...

...

"My youthful friend! What advice do you seek from me today?" Gai struck a pose as his very dear youthful friend Kakashi walked up to him. "And who are those lovely youthful young ones you have with you?"

"These are some academy students who want some help in training. I thought I'd point them in your direction, because you are an amazing teacher, Gai," Kakashi gave his long time rival a wink and a thumbs up. Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura, who had taken off their headbands and put on a simple henge as per request of Kakashi, mentally slapped themselves in annoyance.

_Who'd fall for a stupid lie like that? It's so obvious we're not academy students! _Sasuke thought irritatedly.

Much to his, as well as his teammates' surprise, Gai burst into joyful tears and began to weep. "Oh, Kakashi, what a youthful day! I can't believe you see so much youthfulness in me that you'd youthfully ask my youthful self in this most youthful favor! To so youthfully entrust these youthful youths in my youthful care! Though I have youthful students of my own, I will most definitely take in these youthful little ones and heed your most youthful request! Come here, sweet little babies! Run into my youthful bosom and weep for our beginning of a greatly youthful adventure together!"

Though Gai was kneeling with his arms outstretched, none of the "sweet little babies" ran into his "youthful bosom".

"Ah, one more thing, Gai," Kakashi paused in midst of congratulating himself for his flawlessly executed plan. "I think it would be best if your own students didn't know of our little babies. It would make them most unyouthfully jealous that they'd have to share their youthful teacher!"

"Ah, yes, my sweet students do love me much," Gai nodded sagely, then smiled a blinding smile with a thumbs up. "Alright, all of you! Put these on! And follow me into the sunset! Hahahahahahahaha!" Gai ran off, dropping articles of clothes and weights onto the grass.

Team 7 looked at the clothing in horror. It was the stuff Gai and Lee wore! No way in hell were they wearing _that_. The Genin looked to Kakashi pleadingly. Kakashi thought about torturing them a bit by forcing them to wear the spandex, but unfortunately, he didn't have the heart. He loathed the green cloth as much as anyone.

With their teacher's consent, Naruto Sasuke and Sakura ignored the spandex and pulled on the weights. Staggering, they ran after Gai's faraway form. Kakashi giggled as his students ran by. They were in for hell.

* * *

The three friends initially thought they got off wearing the spandex, but alas, they were wrong. The next seven days were more accurately described as 604600 seconds of sweaty, humiliating, decrepit, downright ego-binding, mind raping hell the team had ever experienced.

"Y-O-U-T-H! Y-O-U-T-H! What's that?" Hollered Gai.

"YOUTH! YOUTH! IT'S YOUTH!" The formerly "badass" group of Genin trodded after the enthusiastic man in green spandex, tired and forlorn, their spirits crushed, utterly deprived of happy thoughts. Having been forced into the spandex after Kakashi left (Gai insisted on 'proper' instruction of his students and they must have 'proper' training attire), they had lost all sense of personal connection, and was utterly alienated, unable to call their bodies their own. All they could do was trot after Gai and shout back, brainwashed by his youthfulness.

"That's right! YOUTH! What is it?" Gai screamed in happiness. His new students were picking up so quickly!

"Y-O-U-T-H! That's what youth is!"

"Oh yeah! Y-O-U-T-H! Scream your youthfulness, my youthfuller than most youthful students!"

"Yeah! Yeah! Y-O-U-T-H is the way to go! YOUTH! YOUTH!"

"Follow me into the sunset!" Screamed Gai.

"Yes! Yes! For YOUTH!"

"YOUTH!"

"YOUTH!"

"YOUTH!"

"!"

"!"

...

...

"So how was it?" Kakashi eye smiled at his exhausted kids. "Gai's a great teacher, isn't he?"

After a week under Gai's tutelage, Team Badass had almost turned into Team Youth. If they had stayed another minute longer under the crazy Jounin, they'd have surely turned into miniature Lee's.

Naruto sank onto the ground, desolate. "I can't believe our foundations were shaken so easily. All our promises, our oaths to become cool and great and awesome...all those were broken within two hours of the man called Gai!"

"He took our world and turned it upside down. Shook our beliefs! I can't believe we were so weak willed!" Sasuke clutched his head in despair.  
"We were obviously overestimating ourselves. If our resolve is crumbled just because of one funky Jounin, how are we to make legends of ourselves? I am ashamed!" Sakura cried in self-hate.

Naruto stood up, his eyes steely and determined. "I swear on this wretched piece of spandex covering my body, by the sweat that soaks my back, by the very name of Y-O-U-T-H, I will never, ever, be shaken again!"

"We will train even harder!" cried Sakura.

"Now that we've realized just how difficult it is to become truly legendary, we will fight! Fight! FIGHT!" Sasuke punched his arms into the air. "We can't let ourselves be defeated if we run into another formidable man like Gai! We must train!"

"Train!"

Kakashi wiped a stray tear away. Oh, his students learned their lesson! "My students, if you truly want to become legendary, you must heed the words of your legendary teacher, Hatake Kaka-"

"Ok, let's go train!" Sakura yelled and the kids ran off.

Maybe not.

* * *

Far away in the distance, Hayate lay bleeding and dying. Baki smirked in satisfaction before he jumped away.

Feeling the last of his breath slipping out from him, Hayate croaked a few words into the night. "H-hokage.-sama..Orochimaru..S-suna...Yugao.

"..Y-yugao..."

In another part of the village, Gaara of the desert discreetly slipped down from his rooftop atop the Kikyo Tower and made his way to his temporary apartments, his sand wiping away the remains of Dosu as it trailed past.

* * *

By the time it was for finals, Team 7 was definitely ready for combat. Their speed picked up by ten seconds every time they pictured a Gai behind them. Due to all the weights Gai had put on them, they were in tip top shape and ready to go.

"Hey, I don't see that sound dude." Naruto looked around.

"Hmph, probably dropped out or something." Sasuke huffed. "Is this changing our order?"

"It is." Genma answered him. "Check your matches everyone." He held up a piece of paper.

**1. Uzumaki Naruto vs. Hyuuga Neji**

**2. Aburame Shino vs. Haruno Sakura**

**3. Kankuro vs. Nara Shikamaru**

**4. Temari vs. Winner of 3**

**5. Gaara vs. Uchiha Sasuke**

"Alright! Time to kick some ass!" Naruto cracked his knuckles.

"How troublesome. I have to fight again." Shikamaru yawned. Up in the stands, Ino and Chouji cheered for their friend.

"Shikamaru! You can do it!"

Said person just yawned again. "Dorks."

Atop the Hokage box, the Kazekage arrived and sat down. "Ah, my good Kazekage-dono! It's good to see you," the Hokage greeted amiably.

The Kazekage, or Orochimaru in disguise, grinned darkly under his veil. "Yes, Hokage. I hear there are many good candidates amongst this year's Genin."

The Hokage laughed, appearing modest. "Oh no. I hear the fiercest team was from Sunagakure."

"I hear there was another team evenly matched with our Gaara." Orochimaru licked his lips underneath his veil. "I hear it has the last Uchiha..?"

Sarutobi heard the hint. _Another idiot who sees the Uchiha name and not Sasuke himself. If people knew half of what Sasuke and his team is really like they'll all run away. _"Ah, yes, Sasuke's team has made it all to the finals."

"No need to be so modest, Hokage-dono. We're friends, aren't we?" Pseudo Kazekage's gleeful mood was dampening at the sight of the old geezer. Why couldn't that old man roll over and die? It was all so very annoying...

"Okay everyone, the matches are starting now. Hyuuga Neji and Uzumaki Naruto, you guys are first." Genma motioned everyone up the stairs. "The rules are the same as before."

"Hey you! I remember you, you're that pretty boy who beat up Hinata!" Naruto pointed. "I also remember promising to give you a knuckle sandwich."

Neji scoffed. "Hmph. Those who are born failures, will remain failures. The chances of you giving me a knuckle sandwich is in single digits."

"So you don't deny the pretty boy part?" Naruto asked curiously.

Neji pointed his chin into the air. "It is the truth that those of the Hyuuga clan, branch or main, are blessed with near divine beauty, almost ethereal, to match our skill. See, unlike failures, I was born as a genius, and I will remain superior to you in every way possible. Including looks."

"Hey I resent that! I think I'm pretty good looking myself!" Naruto huffed. "I have three secret admirers who follow me around."

"I have five."

"Actually, I have ten."

"Fifteen."

"I bet your teacher's part of the group too, isn't he?" Naruto cackled. "He must be so happy about his student's 'youthful' pride in his 'beauty'."

Neji grimaced. "Silence! I will not have you dirty my-"

"Um, can we please start?" Genma interrupted. "I think the audience is getting restless."

True enough, people began throwing things at the blonde. "Hey! Why just me?"

"Failures, will always, be failures." Neji rushed towards the blonde in a Jyuuken stance. Seeing things coming, Naruto plucked the incoming trash out of the air and charged them with chakra. Thanks to the intense Y-O-U-T-H training he had gone through the last week, he was faster than ever.

"Come on, lover boy!" Naruto dodged the first strike, aimed at his sternum, turned, twisted, jumped and threw the chakra powered soda cans down at the Hyuuga. Neji dodged and parried them all, but the superpowered aluminum left dents in the ground on impact.

Not waiting for a backlash, Naruto pulled out a few kunai, and hurled them as Neji was preoccupied with the soda cans. Using the momentary time advantage that gave him, he leaped back several meters. Neji, finished with dodging the kunai, looked up with a smirk. "Is that all?"

"Not yet!" Naruto ran a wide half circle around Neji and pulled out more kunai and shuriken, and threw them. Neji moved gracefully, every step matching Naruto's. He parried everything with a kaiten, drawing surprised gasps from the entire crowd. Naruto continued, running around Neji, until weapons dotted the other half of the field Neji was standing.

"What the hell is that idiot doing?" Kiba wondered, annoyed. "He's just randomly throwing weapons at the Hyuuga. It's not gonna hit anyway."

Shikamaru, standing by the rails, was thinking the same question, until one possibility came to mind. _Could it be? Naw, Naruto's not that smart..._

"That idiot better not use everything." Sasuke said irritably. "I helped too!"

"I wonder if it's against the rules," Sakura mused. "Because technically, the match didn't start yet."

"What are you guys talking about?" Shino asked.

"Your aim is terrible." Neji taunted. "But what can I expect from a failure."

Naruto grinned. He shifted back up to a normal standing position. "It's over."

Neji frowned. "I fail to see your point."

Naruto made a handseal, and bright lights lit up all around Neji. "This is what I mean."

There was a huge crash, and a battered Neji stumbled out of the exploding zone, only to step onto a shuriken. He shrieked, and on instinct stepped away to a clearer area, only to be encircled by another white array of seals and blown up. This time, he was ready for it, and tried to escape by jumping to the side.

"Not so fast!" Naruto made more handseals. More seals lit up in a circle around the Hyuuga. This time, the kunai surrounding the boy lifted into the air, and flashed around, approaching at a deadly rate. However, Neji wasn't called a genius for nothing. Bending down, he outstretched his arms to his sides. "You won't defeat me. Hakke Rokujuyon Sho!" Instead of fingers thrusting into tenketsu, he used the technique to beat down the relentless amount of weapons charging towards him.

"Ho, that boy can use that technique? And to improvise in its usage.." Sarutobi made a note in his book as he watched the battle. He was infinitely impressed. Mostly because of Naruto's deceptiveness and trapping skills. And partly because of the Hyuuga's ability to lesson the damage, despite the circumstances.

"Thank you for doing that" Naruto made another hand seal, and this time, a box surrounding the previous seal circle appeared. Neji, still in the midst of his technique, couldn't do anything, let alone dodge this last attack. "Blast." The square seal array glowed bright, and all metal weapons, including the metal in Neji's own holster, exploded into tiny shrapnel.

The entire stadium was quiet. The only sound was the shifting sound of the smoke coming from Neji's half of the field. Naruto stood still, waiting.

To everyone's immense surprise, Neji staggered out of the smoke, covered in wounds and abrasions, with a piece of metal stuck in one leg. "You..you haven't beaten me yet..I can't lose..not when I still have to prove..."

"Prove what?" Naruto's apathetic tone rang throughout. "Prove that the branch family is better than the main family? Doesn't that go against your belief that people are born the way they are, and can never change? You are a hypocrite."

"No. That's not what I...the main family...they killed my father. They made me into a caged bird. Look!" Neji lifted a trembling hand and pulled off his hitai-ate. "I am nothing but a slave to the main family. This is the destiny I was born into, and it will not change."

"But you're fighting against it now. I can tell. All your blows, all your anger, is not directed at me, but at the segregation of your family! If you really feel like you've been done wrong, stand up for your beliefs and stick it out like a true hero!" Naruto's apathetic tone rose to a heated one. "There's already plenty of people who are too pansy to not do anything about their pitiful selves, you know. You're saying one thing but you're behavior says another. Stop this madness and be true to your heart!"

In the stands, Sasuke and Sakura picked up on the cue and began singing "True To Your Heart."

Naruto paused mid speech, and waved a frustrated hand over at his teammates. "Not the beginning parts! Just the chorus! None of that 'I'm your destiny'! I don't wanna be this guy's destiny!"

Neji was flabbergasted, but he was nonetheless very inspired. "Naruto, you are a great man."

Naruto turned back to his opponent and flashed a wide smile. "This is Uzumaki Naruto, member of Team Badass, future Hokage! Great match, Neji."

Neji gave one last weak smile, more like a grimace due to his pain, then fell unconscious.

Genma cleared his throat, then announced, "Winner, Uzumaki Naruto."

The stadium burst into an explosion of cheers. Naruto, shocked out of his stupor, looked around in wonder. He'd never had anyone other than Iruka, Kakashi, Sasuke and Sakura, and the old man cheering for him. It was a novel experience. Somewhere deep in his gut he wanted to start crying, but that would be going beyond even the laws of melodrama, and so Naruto refrained.

All he did was blow thousands of kisses at the audience and scream "FUTURE Hokage! OH YEAH! OH YEAH!" until Genma dragged off the field.

"Hey, how did you do that? I didn't see you making any markings on the ground during the match." Shikamaru asked Naruto the moment the blonde walked up the stairs.

"Oh that," Naruto grinned. "Sakura, Sasuke and I drew seals around here the day before, at 3 am. And today, we were drawing more seals with our feet. But shhh, don't tell anyone, okay? It might be against the rules to set things up before hand."

Shikamaru grinned. "Gotcha. Is there any way I can use those seals too?"

"Sorry mate," Naruto apologized. "We didn't incorporate your chakra into the seal. And to be frank, you're not the one who woke up at the crack of dawn to make those things..."

Shikamaru sighed. It seemed every easy way to end a match quickly involved more work beforehand. And that was just too troublesome to do. Even if it meant it got easier later on. "Never mind then. Thanks."

Genma spoke from the bottom of the field. "Okay. The next contestants, Aburame Shino and Haruno Sakura, please come down."

"My turn," Sakura cracked her knuckles with a evil grin while Shino merely shuffled his way downstairs. "Watch me shine, boys."

"We'll be cheering for you, always." Naruto and Sasuke cheered. "And remember, our objective isn't to win, it's to be promoted so we won't have to do any more D-ranks. Impress the old man as much as you can with strategy. Why do you think Naruto refrained from using his other skills and opted for cornering Neji instead?" Sasuke lectured.

"I got it, I got it," Sakura jumped down from the railing, landing softly at the bottom. "Hello, Shino. Looks like I'm your opponent."

Shino regarded her coolly. "Hello Sakura. Let this be a good match."

To this Sakura just grinned maniacally.

* * *

In another part of the stadium, Hinata clutched her fluttering heart. _Oh no, Naruto has 9 other admirers? What should I do? _

* * *

Omake:

Tenten spoke. "You know, if it weren't for Lee, Neji and I would have both turned out like this," She wove an image of herself and Neji in green spandex, screaming for youthful energy.

Sakura Sasuke and Naruto looked at her in a deadpan expression. "Unfortunately...we didn't have a 'Lee' in our team..."

Tenten's mouth went in a 'o'. She understood what happened. _No one to soak up Gai's youthfulness for them. _

* * *

AN/: Don't forget to poll everyone! And review! I'll update again as soon as I have my other stories updated! Thanks for waiting!_  
_


	10. I'm the Disrupter of all things Dramatic

UPDATED: 7/2/12 (almost Independence Day! Hurrah for America!)

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto© , it belongs to Masashi Kishimoto. I get absolutely no profit from writing this fanfic. It's a hobby.

_Previously on Team Badass..._

"Y-O-U-T-H! That's what youth is!"

"Oh yeah! Y-O-U-T-H! Scream your youthfulness, my youthfuller than most youthful students!"

"Yeah! Yeah! Y-O-U-T-H is the way to go! YOUTH! YOUTH!"

"Follow me into the sunset!" Screamed Gai.

"Yes! Yes! For YOUTH!"

"YOUTH!"

"YOUTH!"

"YOUTH!"

"!"

"!"

_I hope that's enough to remind you guys what this fic was about...haha. Oh Yeah, oh yeah! Naruto won his fight against Neji, with True To Your Heart music in the background. Now Sakura and Shino are battling.  
_

* * *

Shino lay battered, his bugs frazzling about worriedly around him. The moment the referee had started the match, Sakura had gone straight for him, moving quickly and hitting hard. Shino was good with taijutsu himself, but soon he began to tire of Sakura's hard punches. He tried sending his bugs out, but Sakura had him moving too much on the defensive to let his bugs crawl over her. What's more, he soon realized that Sakura kept a thin, protective layer of chakra around her body, shielding her from his attacks and from his bugs. An impressive display of chakra control. After fierce, thirty minute hand to hand combat, Sakura thought she had displayed enough of her stamina and skill, and so lured him onto a trap and blew him up.

It was a sad battle. Especially because Shino had mistook her hesitation to hit him as a chance to overpower her, and had quickly urged his bugs onward. As soon as the majority of the bugs were buzzing in the air, the ground underneath him had exploded, taking him out and many of his flying friends.

But Shino surprised Sakura. He had managed to sense at the barest of moments the sudden surge of chakra beneath his feet, and had quickly made a bug clone of himself. It had pained him to sacrifice many of his precious friends, but it had to be done.

Alas, the moment he rematerialized on the other side of the field, Sakura had already predicted this outcome, and had her fist up his chin in a second. Shino flew across the field, hitting the stadium wall, then sliding to the ground, motionless.

Sarutobi nodded at the impressive battle. Both had done well, but Sakura's excellent hand to hand combat skills caught his eye, as well as her ability to predict. In the last battle Naruto had impressed him greatly, with skillful manipulation of his opponent. And a great deal of knowledge in seals.

By the time Sakura walked up to the second floor waiting area, all the boys were staring at her in fear, while Temari looked appreciative.

"Umm, that was fast. Even though it was slow." Naruto commented.

Sasuke sighed. "You're being ambiguous again Naruto. Stop talking in oxymorons."

Naruto pointed at his only female teammate. "Sakura's an oxymoron. She's tiny in size, but big in strength!"

Sakura smirked. She personally liked Shino for his coolheadedness, and she felt sorry for beating him up the way she had, but hey, being a Chuunin meant no more D rank missions! "Who's next?"

"Shikamaru and that dude from the Sand." Sasuke answered. He pointed. "The one who has paint on his face. The big ugly burly guy."

Kankuro frowned. "I can hear you just fine you know."

"Hmm, though now that I look more closely, his paint...looks quite well thought out.." Ignoring the putters from Kankuro, Naruto stroked his imaginary beard as he tried to imagine the beautiful abstractness of Kankuro's purple battle paints.

Sasuke just bopped him on the head and told him to shut up. All while Sakura was down fighting, he had been the one to keep Naruto under control and relatively not-so-annoying- to the other competitors, which had been a feat, in and of itself. It had drained him considerably too. Why couldn't have his match come before the babysitting? Sasuke mourned internally, but decided not to let it affect him too much.

On the other hand, the members of the team from Sand looked troubled. Two victories already, and to the leaf! Everything was progressing too slowly. Gaara had to be up front, by the time the signal came! Temari looked at Kankuro, and Kankuro nodded.

"Um, examiner," Kankuro raised his hand. "May I forfeit?"

Genma looked up. His eyes narrowed for the tiniest fraction. Few nights ago, there had been an emergency meeting of all Jounin and Anbu, summoned by the Hokage. Hayate had been found dead, most likely from a wind technique. There were around four wind users in the village proficient enough to cast such wounds onto a Jounin such as Hayate, and three of them were devout Konoha ninja. That left one suspect: Baki, the Jounin from Suna.

Of course, nothing was proven yet, and with the alliance between the two villages so strained, the Hokage hadn't wanted to worsen their relationship further by accusing straight up. But now, this sand Genin was forfeiting...for what reason? Shikamaru didn't look very scary, nor was he very threatening. That Kankuro boy didn't look tired, nor sick, nor hurt.

But what could he say? "Fine. Nara Shikamaru becomes automatic winner of third round." A chorus of ehhs came from the crowd. "Though the Winner of the third round was naturally supposed to have a full rotation of rest in preparation for his next fight, since he didn't fight at all let us move directly to the fourth battle. Nara Shikamaru vs. Temari."

"Eeeehhh?" Shikamaru complained. "I thought I get more time to sleep."

Naruto ehhed too. "Why does he get to win?"

Temari gritted her teeth. The Konoha ninja were up to something, she knew. And even if they didn't, in order to keep up appearances, she would have to fight. She pulled out her fan and jumped down to the field.

Shikamaru sighed. "Why do I have to fight a woman? They're ruthless, naggy, and scary. Man, what a drag."

Temari glared up at Shikamaru. "Hurry up and get down here you lazy ingrate! Not afraid to face me are you?" She swished open her fan with fanfare and began whipping it back and forth, creating intimidating air currents all over the stage. Shikamaru, while trying to step down onto the field was hit by a gust straight in the face, which blew him several meters backward -"oomph!"- his breath knocked out of him.

Naruto and the others on the standby balcony laughed at the poor boy's predicament. Shikamaru grumbled and repeated something that sounded suspiciously like "scarier than mom". Before he could brush himself off and hop down though, Naruto's impatient personality took control of the situation.  
"Hurry up you lazy ass! I wanna see you fight! Hahaha!" Naruto cackled. Grinning he pushed Shikamaru right off the balcony. Unceremoniously, Shikamaru fell a story and a half before landing onto the dirt. People booed and threw stuff at his face. It was all very very troublesome. With a peek through all the trash flinging about, he saw the shadow of the agitated Suna girl who was about to smash some heavy fan metal into his face. _Very very very troublesome..._

* * *

Far outside the Hidden Leaf Village, men dressed in tight leggings that showed off every curve of their legs and dalmatian print tops gathered to focus their chakra into the seal drawn onto the dirt ground. With eyes closed in concentration, the foreign ninja pushed forth their energies, calling their teammates from miles away. Across countries, the rest of the Sound forces answered the call, disappearing in a poof of smoke. They appeared in the center of the sealing design. As more people joined them, they broke off into respective divisions and began their march down to Konoha..!

After Shikamaru and Temari's battle, Sasuke eyed Gaara over the corner of his eyes. _So it's my turn,_ he thought. _Finally. Naruto and Sakura were having too much fun. I'll take care of this guy and show just who it is that's coming out on top! _

Gaara was eyeing Sasuke as well. Only his thoughts were a bit more macabre. _Kill...kill..._

The proctor motioned the two boys down. Sasuke jumped, landing with his usual flair, while Gaara disappeared in a whirl of sand and reappeared in the middle of the field.

"GOOOOO Sasuke!" Naruto whooped. "Sasuke! I meant to tell you this ages ago, but I guess I was a bit preoccupied with making fun of other people. You know how much I like annoying people and pissing them off!" He shouted down to the field.

Sasuke had a tick mark on his face, as did Genma. The match was about to start, so what the hell was the kid doing?

Sasuke yelled, "You idiot! Hurry up and tell me so we can get on with the match!" Naruto smiled happily down at his friend.

"Okay, Sasuke! The thing is, I actually know Gaara's weakness! It's...it's...!"

"What, what?" Sasuke was pretty excited now. A weakness? That could work so well to his benefit!

"It's...!" Naruto paused dramatically. "Water! Sand is clogged by water! Haha isn't that great? Now all you have to do is pop our your resident water dragon and beat him up! Yeah!"

Sasuke felt a throbbing vein threatening to burst. _IDIOT! I can't use water techniques! What the hell do you mean my 'resident water dragon?' Heck lot of help that was...Ugh next time I'm carrying a sealed tankful of water around with me at all times._

Genma coughed. "If we're done, then let's get on with the match." He raised a hand into the air and brought it down, "Gaara vs. Uchiha Sasuke, begin!"

Instantly Sasuke jumped far away, and good thing too. Gaara's sand had appeared out of nowhere and tried to clump down on him. He was quickly on the move again, as Gaara began hammering bullets of sand at him at sonic speeds. Dancing about, Sasuke quickly ran some ideas in his head. Fire wouldn't work...probably. Unless it was some ridiculously strong and hot fire that would melt his sand away. Could he even manage that level of technique? Well..he did sort of have his newfound kekkei genkai ability. A power he aptly named 'Enton'- Blaze Release. It _did _blaze like mad once he let it loose, but for him it was so easy to control it, despite its seeming volatility. Since fire no longer hurt him at all (and he recently got himself some more excellent fireproof clothes including underwear and shoes, which he happened to be wearing right at that moment) he often liked to set his surroundings on fire and see how it fried all of Naruto's clones in a flash without backfiring on him..but this Gaara would need a very concentrated, dense attack, not a wide and spread out one.

Could he manage such an attack? Or would he have to get up close and personal? He did train for speed, and he had the Sharingan on his side, plus the seals on the ground. But he didn't want to end up like Lee. But he did have many other things Lee didn't. Like ninjutsu and super awesome eyes.

With that last thought, Sasuke stopped dodging and sprung into action, surprising everyone with his unpredicted burst of speed. Eyes blazing red and spinning, Sasuke jumped right into Gaara's defense, and in the next split second punched a fist filled with brilliant dark red flame and heavy-set with weight seals into Gaara's face. The crowd gushed as Gaara, his sand not moving fast enough to intercept Sasuke's speedy punch, flew to the surrounding walls and left a crater in his wake.

Gaara coughed, in shock, and began moving himself upright, his sand fretting around his form, trying to fix the huge cracks in his sand armor. But speedy Sasuke didn't give him an opportunity to stand, as Sasuke flashed to crouch right under Gaara's hunching form and smashed another charged fist into his opponent's lower jaw. Gaara went flying like a bullet from a pistol gun. The crowd oohed as Sasuke disappeared after Gaara, highly concentrated fire propelling him forward from his feet, keeping him afloat in the air.

Gaara, coming to terms with himself in the air, felt a sudden surge of bloodlust rush through him. It was wonderful! He had never been thrashed so badly before, let alone have anyone really punch him multiple times with easy grace! His sand armor was nonexistent now. Feeling a feral grin ripping his face into two, he called on his sand to protect him just as a foot nearly connected with his torso.

Thinking he blocked the attack, Gaara grinned savagely, his sand darting out rapidly to grab onto the offending leg and up to Sasuke's shoulders, ready to crush him to meaty pieces, when his opponent erupted in fire.

Civilians oohed and ninjas were spellbound as they watched Uchiha Sasuke literally set himself on fire, shooting hot glittering flames out of his hands and pushing out with the energy, creating a barrier of flame that repelled the sand globules. Just as quickly as it appeared, the fire suddenly coalesced from a surrounding barrier to a compressed ball of fire between his open palms, the energy growing more and more volatile as the densely concentrated fireball rippled, unable to hold onto its circular surface. Still in midair, Sasuke yelled a great yell and lashed out with a solid white beam from his hand, the fireball having been powered and compressed to pure white flame, headed directly for the Suna ninja.

As Gaara fell through the air after having his sand thrown away violently, his eyes widened and his bloodthirsty look faltered when he saw the supercharged, superfast beam of fire headed directly for him. Using all his energy and skill, he mentally screamed at his sand to come forth, feeling his instincts shriek at the sight of the attack. His 'mother' screamed bloody murder and sand rushed from his gourd and the stadium floor to protect their master. Gaara landed with a great crash as the beam crushed its way to him.

Sasuke, managing to stay afloat using the propulsion of fire from the soles of his feet, watched as his ultimate Enton attack hit Gaara dead on. He hoped this would end things, without him having to reveal anything else, but his eyes told him there was a strange formation of chakra on the stadium floor. He debated between continuing to fly vs. landing and conserving chakra, but he decided to stay in the air for better visuals. The stadium was thick with dust after the crash. The spectators, tense on their seats, waved the dust away, waiting for what was to come next.

Eventually, the dust cloud cleared. Sasuke's keen eyes narrowed as they examined the tight sphere of sand down in the center of a huge crater at the bottom of the stadium. Laced thickly with chakra, the hard shell protectively covering the Sand ninja glittered in the harsh sunlight. Just be looking at it, Sasuke could tell his fire techniques won't work anymore.

_At least I dealt him some damage. He couldn't have escaped that last attack completely unfazed. _Sasuke thought. Before he could think more, a roar issued from the shell, vibrating the stadium. "Uchihaaa! I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna make sure you die for making me bleed!" Gaara screamed as his mind went haywire with the foreign feeling of pain shooting up his abdomen and bruised limbs. Blood dripped from his side, skin having ripped open from the impact of hitting the ground. Though the sand had protected him from most of the attack, it had left his backside bare in an attempt to hold off the superpowered jutsu. The technique had left a glassy mark on the sand shell, and an ugly, smoldering black and red burn on his stomach.

Gaara continued to scream and the sand surrounding him slowly began to morph to their master's wishes. Blinking, Sasuke took in the huge sand claws that formed to slash at him. The claws didn't reach quite far enough, but Gaara continued to swish the giant hand in the air, desperate to crush the Uchiha.

Sasuke stayed calm. True, the shell was an absolute defense. True, the shell looked ridiculously hard. True, he might juuuust have an attack that could pierce through it..._but, _

There was one other trump card that he had. One he had been hoping to maximize its potential by trapping Gaara onto the ground using aerial attacks. Grinning, Sasuke brought his right hand up to his face in a half ram seal. "Kaboom!" He whispered.

Inside his protective shell, Gaara saw the glow of seals from around his feet. He stopped screaming and looked confused for a second, until he and his shell imploded from an attack from the inside.

Temari was horrified. What just happened? How could Gaara's ultimate defense crumble so easily? What would happen to the plan now? Was Gaara alright?

Shards and bits of compact sand flew into the audience, ensuing some screams and some gasps. Fortunately, they disintegrated to harmless sand before it hurt anyone. The smoke cleared, and everyone saw the motionless body lying on the field. Genma moved over to check the downed ninja. He stood up, and raised a hand to Uchiha Sasuke, who landed onto the field. "Winner, Uchiha Sasuke."

Everything was quiet, and then, the stadium burst into cheers. "YEAH! GO UCHIHA!" The spectators were overjoyed that the scion of the Uchiha clan put on such a good show. The daimyos from respective countries all looked very impressed while one Kazekage up on the box was shivering with delight.

_Ooh, Sasuke-kun..._Orochimaru licked his lips. _That was so beautiful I couldn't stop staring at your glorious body...your glorious eyes, your glorious hot sexy fire, your glorious combat ability, your glorious Sharingan. It was so glorious I couldn't order my minions to start the plan until your match was over...But the time is up, now. _

With a small signal, Kabuto, disguised as ANBU, spread a genjutsu over the entire stadium. Suddenly seeing feathers fall from the sky, civilians grew sleepy, unable to recognize or release the illusion being cast upon them. Ninja quickly dispelled the threat, rallying with nearby comrades. The Third Hokage had warned them of this.

Up on the balcony for the fighters, Temari and Kankuro started as they understood what the genjutsu meant: beginning of the plan! They both dashed over to their fallen brother and picked him up. Sasuke frowned. "Hey, what's going on? What are you two doing? What is this genjutsu?" Being an illusion type himself, he easily batted away the illusion. Genma frowned at the Suna shinobi as well.

"Don't try to stop us," Temari hissed. "You have no idea the power struggle that is going to come into play." She and her brothers leaped over the stadium walls and disappeared. Genma moved to intercept, but Baki appeared out of nowhere and slashed with his wind blade.

"You won't follow them anywhere, Konoha ninja," Baki faced off with Genma while Sasuke jumped up the balcony to see Naruto and Sakura.

Sakura was fine, having dispelled the jutsu on her own, but Naruto put a hand on his forehead and swayed. "Oh dear, I feel sleepy.." Before he could thump to the ground Sakura broke Naruto out of the illusion.

"Snap out of it Naruto! The village is being attacked!" Sakura cried. "We have to do something, but what?"

"I think we should go after Gaara. That Suna trio looked incriminating," Sasuke replied. "Or we can stay and fight off these invading higher level ninja."

"Hmmmm, I think...I think we shouldn't chase after Gaara," Naruto patted his imaginary beard. "Or at least, only one or two of us is needed to track them down and take them on. Sasuke already fried Gaara, which was awesome by the way-" (Sasuke grunted) "and from what I can see, Kankuro and Temari don't really have abilities that would be too much of a challenge for us. Especially for Sasuke, who's a fire elemental."

"You don't mean for us to split up?" Sakura asked worriedly. "We need each other's strengths right now." Sasuke and Sakura, looked unconvinced.

"The village is in danger. Not to overestimate ourselves or anything but I think we're much more powerful than the ordinary Genin. We can do it." Naruto's unusually serious face steadied his teammates. "If you guys are really not too sure about what to do, then stay here. Since Kakashi-sensei is nowhere to be seen I'll go ask old man Hokage."

Sasuke and Sakura agreed. A few minutes after Naruto flitted out the balcony and towards the Kage terrace two Sound ninja rushed in followed by Kakashi, hot on their trail. Kakashi yelled, "Sakura Sasuke watch out!" But they were already on it. Sasuke easily dispatched his opponent with a slash of a kunai, and Sakura punched the other into smithereens. "Uh, never mind. Looks you guys have it under control. Where's Naruto?"

"To the Hokage to ask for orders. We were debating how exactly we could contribute to stopping this invasion. You were nowhere to be found." Sakura beat up another ninja that hopped through the balcony. "Let's get out more into the open and kick these guys' asses."

Kakashi and Sasuke followed Sakura out to the rest of the stadium, defeating enemies as they went, but Kakashi's attention tugged to the sudden ominous dark energy emanating from the Kage terrace. _A __barrier?_ _  
_

* * *

"It's been a while, Sarutobi-sensei." Orochimaru purred. "I don't think time has been kind to you." He looked mighty proud of himself as he pulled off the skin of the man he was impersonating. The venerable Third Hokage, trapped within his former student's grip, grimaced.

"So it was you, Orochimaru. What is your purpose here?" He silently hoped that in the inevitable clash, no one else would be hurt. His hopes were answered as four of Orochimaru's goons erected a barrier on top of the building. Watching from the corner of his eyes, he contemplated killing one of them to diffuse the barrier and let reinforcements in..but such thoughts were put to a halt as the goons erected another barrier to cage him and Orochimaru in, and themselves out of harm's way.

Sarutobi shook his head in remorse. "What have you become, Orochimaru? Should I really have put an end to you back then? Is this recompense for my hesitation?"

Orochimaru chuckled. "I suppose it could be, sensei. I intend to kill you and destroy this village, but I know that taking down the God of Shinobi would be hard task even for me, even if the famed Professor is a wrinkled old man. Which is why-!" He made hand seals, and caskets sprung up from the rooftop. "These will aid me in my quest!"

_No! _Sarutobi deduced from the kanji on the caskets exactly who Orochimaru was about to unleash. _I can't let him summon them! _He leapt away from Orochimaru, and frantically ran through some hand seals for a counter-sealing technique, but luckily the third casket failed to be summoned and was taken back to the underworld. The first two however, stood tall in front of Orochimaru, and Sarutobi felt a deep seated fear flash across his chest.

As the casket opened, two people stepped out, two people everyone in the village knew well, especially an old man like him.

The two former Hokages, Senju Hashirama and Senju Tobirama looked dull and lifeless, but continued to walk forward. "Saru, is that you? You've grown old," the First Hokage remarked lifelessly. "How are we back?"

Sarutobi wiped some tears from his eyes at the sight of his long gone teachers and predecessors. He was sick to the core to think the two honorable leaders' could have been so defiled. He was utterly ashamed and angry at the _creature_ laughing in front of him, and silently vowed to put an end to his existence that very day.

* * *

"What's that barrier!" Sakura asked, smashing her fist into some ninja's nose. "It looks terrible."

"Sasuke spared a glance at the dark rectangular barrier that formed over the roof of the terrace. His Sharingan whirled as he took it in. "It looks like a solid condensed projection of chakra, reinforced by seals in the four corners. It's being held in place by four people, with their bodies acting as the conduit for the energy condensation and perpetuation. Which means it's a little harder to break than the average four corner barrier formed by paper seals..." His brow furrowed as he saw another layer of barrier form behind the four figures. "They set up a second barrier. Now that's some control. Just who are they holding captive-"

"I don't think you should look anywhere other than me!" The ninja Sasuke was fighting lunged and slashed with his wakizashi. Sasuke cursed and grabbed his left bicep, feeling a trickle of blood escape the gash on his arm.

"Damn it!" Sakura screamed and wiped out two ninja at once with one furious kick. "Don't you dare hurt our Sasuke!" She pummeled the ninja who was advancing on Sasuke from behind and knocked him unconscious. "Where is Naruto? He's a sensor, he must have felt Kakashi heading towards us. He should have just stopped and come back or something!"

Kakashi, who had been fighting three ninja at once, paused momentarily before disposing of the ninja with one well executed earth technique. Sakura was right. Where _did _Naruto go?

"Kakashi! There you are!" Gai rushed in to help the three out. "I was looking for you, my eternal rival! It's a most unyouthful situation!"

"What's up Gai?" Kakashi fought off another enemy ninja.

"Hokage-sama has been taken hostage! The Kazekage was Orochimaru in hiding. They are facing off in the barrier up there!" With one massive punch Gai nailed ten different ninja all at once in one big sandwich.

Kakashi and Gai met back to back as they fought. "Hokage-sama? Orochimaru? Crap." _Wait a minute..._

Gai nodded. "It's very unyouthful, but Hokage-sama has ordered all of us to stand firm and to suppress the invasion. He can handle himself."

_...Wait a minute..._Kakashi's brain gears clicked and shifted. Then a lightbulb dinged on. _Naruto!_

...

...

"Excuse me, but that person looks mighty like the history books, not that I ever looked at those, of course," a most annoying, and most unexpected voice carried over the rooftop over to the men who were facing off. "Am I supposed to be here? I feel like I just interrupted an entire chapter's worth of drama and seriousness."

Sarutobi, Orochimaru, and the hokages whipped around to see a little blonde genin with whisker marks on his cheeks stroking his imaginary beard. Despite the dire situation, they couldn't help but sweatdrop at the sight.

Sarutobi felt his jaw slacken. "..No Naruto. You're not supposed to be here."

Naruto rubbed the back of his head and laughed. "OOOOopsies!"

* * *

So, I know this is terribly late, but for those who saw the note in my profile, my computer was fried for a better part of a year. I'm really sorry for all this, but I finally got around to fixing the stupid (but oh so necessary!) thing and now the new chapter is up.

I had half of the chapter done before the computer went bonkers and it was really hard to write the other half after so long a break.

I struggled a lot just to get this chapter up. I would really appreciate it if every one of you who come to read this new chapter leave a little review. It really does make me feel supported. Since it's been a long time, I want to know what you guys think about the new chapter. It would also give me more motivation to write faster for the next chapter.

Thanks as usual to all the people who have supported this story all the way. I love you guys sooo much.

-Hulk

Review!


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